Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

read a book yesterday called "10 Simple Solutions to Panic" since it didnt look huge (few pages):>) and since I have PTSD in relation to the things my Nsis did to me. It was more for regular panic disorder, but was somewhat helpful. It said to write down the 3-4 things that trigger the most panic. Since the traumatic events for me are all in the past, I tried the exercise and to my surprise one of the top three things that may occur at random in the present that trigger the flashbacks and panic was a thing I had not been aware of before.

Has anyone who has been in therapy noticed this kind of thing, particularly with use of EMDR? Its like these layers of panic causing things from the past keep peeling off with the EMDR and a couple weeks or even sometimes a week later, a new one comes up, with the result that I am getting closer and closer to my true "center." (The part that is the calm me, without all these visions of past traumatic events haunting me). Sometimes the things I am facing are even scarier than the one before, and that can cause some pretty bad unsettledness, but my T is always right there to help me "settle" the next layer of panic. I really owe alot to him and I feel really lucky to have found him. I have had two good and three "dud" therapists over 35 years. I worked with for about two years.

This one has made an MP3 recording I can play when it gets really bad and I can listen with my Mp3 player even at work if I am freaking out and no one has to know. It has reminders about breathing, settling body in the present, looking around and naming things in the room, and thoughts about how can get past this and its just sensation and will not last, etc. A great idea. Could even do one myself when I get the notion.

Anyone else have PTSD, panic, or other conditions and have creative ideas for healing or progressing?
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 486

To calm myself I focus on my breathing, I meditate, I try to set simple goals and follow them through (e.g. reading a chapter in a book). And I try live with strict routines so my mood does not dictate my actions. I go to the gym three days a week, I wake up and go to bed at set times, I eat at set times. I've cut out cigarettes and I'm planning to cut out alcohol because it upsets my routines and leads to more destructive behaviour. These are some of the things that help me.

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

reading a chapter in a book, walking,/gym, regular schedules, focus on deep breathing, meditation, accepting having the panic attack.....yes. any distractions that work particularly well for you or others?

Thay, do you have PTSD? Do you get visual flashbacks or images of things your N did to you or of traumatic things that happened with the N? Does anybody else? I would especially like to talk with someone who has visual flashbacks. Is this a common or uncommon thing? How do the memories come for people with N parents or siblings?
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 486

Distractions? I assume you mean something that takes my mind off the anxiety. Sometimes I listen to music, something calming like Neil Young or Miles Davis but I have to really concentrate on listening which can be difficult when your mind is racing. So breathing, and watching my thoughts, talking to myself are my "in the moment" techniques.

I don't have PTSD and I don't suffer visual flashbacks. At my lowest point I had vivid nightmares but they seem to have ceased and were not visual flashbacks. I was not physically abused so I don't have any traumatic visions.

I do suffer general anxiety and in particular social anxiety. I'm very good a disguising it through the above techniques and I'm concious of displaying nervous manorisms so I don't: I'm very concious of my posture and I do speak clearly. Everyday is a huge mental effort (we all know that) so I just try and hang in there. I have better and worse days but if the general trends are positive then I'm happy with that.

I can't comment on the visions Oak, but I can tell you what helps to clear my mind. First, correct your posture so you are in a relaxed state (e.g. feet flat on the floor, back straight, hands by your side) and concentrate on breathing through your nose. You will find that thoughts will inevitably come in to your head, you have two options: 1) concentrate on a word (e.g. peace) and visualise it, say it to yourself over and over; 2) observe your thoughts, if you observe them they go away. This is basic meditation and I try to practice it any time I'm not involved in intellectual thought. If I'm walking to university, if I'm driving, in the shower, brushing my teeth, between sets at the gym etc. As with anything the more you practice the better you get.

Smilin Fyodor · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 110

I could echo thayiflies posts almost word for word in strategies (even mirroring of when music doesn't work for me).

I would add that while I've never had the visual flashbacks, etc., I have had to develop an acute awareness of the triggers that bring on the internal panic attacks (like thayiflies, I am really good at not displaying a single outward sign even when everything inside is incomplete panic) just so I could cope.

The way I do this is that when I've either had something akin to one of these panic attacks or if I've had a bout with unpredictably self-destructive behavior or even just a period of intense numbness (usually precedes one of the other two), I find a quiet place as soon as I can and breathe to get calm. I then begin mentally pricking at subject after subject in my mind. By subjects, I mean recent events in my day-to-day life. I replay them in my mind until I find one that spikes my blood pressure. Then I think about that event again trying to figure out what other occurences that might "feel" like from my past. In doing this, I can sometimes find triggers for this type of anxiety. Once I've found a trigger, it reduces that trigger's ability to get me riled.

Triggers range anywhere from weather to personality traits of others that I encounter. This process also tends to surface memories that I'd long since forgotten.

Example: I finally went to see a doctor a couple of weeks ago regarding a chronic problem. I noticed in the waiting room that my blood pressure was spiking and that I was fighting the urge to run like hell. I realized that I always do that in a doc office despite having no fear whatsoever of any pain or discomfor the treatment might inflict. Odd behavior, for someone who hardly ever went to the doctor even as a child, no? So I used my trick of relaxing and breathing and then trying to just isolate the general 'feeling' of panic and with what it was associated. Within minutes, my inner monologue took off on a tirade: "What did you come here for? Do you want everyone to feel sorry for you? There's nothing wrong with you. I wish I could have everyone pay the attention to me that you're getting. But someone has to pay the bills." -- By relaxing, I was able to "watch" my inner feelings rather than feel them. I realized that this is a tirade my mother would give my asthmatic sister when we were children. I had projected this tirade onto my doctor and actually feared that the doc would make fun of me for not actually being ill or needing help. All of this panic from childhood happenings that I had forgotten.

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

I do a few things. First, I exercise, usually a four or five mile run. With each step, I am pounding the anger out. I also have a few cd's that I will put in my headphones and rip it to the point that I can no longer think.

I have had a few visual flashbacks. When I was suddenly remembering, it was like I wasn't in the present. I could see it in my mind and I could not feel anything until it was over. Once I was back in the present, I could not quit shaking or calm myself down. Sometimes something as simple as a song on the radio will trigger me.....not sure this helps...

justmee

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

man, anything helps. just to know that there are other people out there with similar symptoms in relation to the N trauma is helpful.

Thay, Fyodor, and Justmee, what is the hardest right now is that the triggers come out of nowhere. Can be fine one minute and then something reminds me of past, then the picture of her or the event in my mind, then the adrenaline gets going like there is no tomorrow and no matter what I do--none of the techniques I have learned REALLY stop it. In most recent times, when it happened, it just came in waves for about a day and a half. For example, started Sat afternoon and ended this noon. I am wiped. Going to bed now.

its like a fire that wont go out no matter what. trying to recognize the feelings that go with it, write it down, accept it and not fear it or intellectualize it, breathe, be aware of my body in the present, calming self talk, distract myself by reading or walking at a fast clip, listen to music or relaxation tapes, and often finally giving into a bit of extra anxiety med.

It has happened two times since Feb. glad its not more often. Some of this has been resolved thru EMDR with my T. I think sometimes I just had too much trauma for too long and it just wore out my brain or something and I am not going to ever process it all. I think this panic, along with trying to ignore it, has been going on for years but I "zoned out" about what was happening because I wasn't in touch with my feelings and I had to keep going since I had two small kids and a brain damaged husband. Now I am safe and all this old shit with the old BIT_H is coming back in WAVES. I'm not blocking it out anymore. Can others relate to this? Sure is scary.

anyway, its just very comforting to know I am not alone. thanks for writing.
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 486

Oak, sometimes it can help to realease the anger. I recently punched two holes in my door after a verbal outburst and it is not uncommon for me to yell from time to time, a verbal release of frustration. Obviously there is a time and a place for this kind of behaviour but getting angry can help. It can make you feel alive again. You are allowed to be pissed off! I think it is a danger to be too passive, you have to acknowledge your anger and let rip from time to time. This can be of healing benefit.

Hang in there Oak, the team needs you! Cool

(Thankyou Fyodor, your insight is noted.)

eyeswideopen · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 212

Oaktree.. yes I definately can relate.

I have visual flashbacks and frequent intrusive thoughts. I've never been dx'd with PTSD, but I do recognize that I have many of the symptoms. I have been dx'd with panic disorder and depression. Of what I have tried ~ music and my faith are what help the most. Still that is often not enough.
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"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?"
Kahlil Gibran

ilovemusic · Joined: 18 Mar 2007 Posts: 151

1) jog on my tread mill

2) cooking, I have a passion for it

3) I read affirmations, and write from my heart

4) watch movies that feed my inner child

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

ilovemusic--what kinds of movies feed your inner child? sounds interesting and something I havent tried.

and to all--ya its amazing how well we learn to hide these, isnt it? I hid them even from myself alot of the time for years! I was so unaware of myself, I couldnt tell what was internal and what was external. I disassociated from several traumatic events with my Nsis, her Sociopathic spouse, and surrounding traumatic medical events with my spouse. I mean, my HEAD felt like it was not attached to my body and my brain was somewhere else when these things were happening. YIKES!! (I bet I am not in the minority, either).

glad some people are figuring just how common this is--I remember even working with vietnam vets who were experiencing these in the 70's and the diagnoses were WAY different than PTSD. Now, its commonly diagnosed with vets and it has been said that Iraqi vets are experiencing them even more due to the chronic nature of the things they witness over long periods of time.

then with oklahoma bombing and 9/11, people started taking note that it was happening in general population after catastrophic events.

and finally, it is starting to be understood in relation to abuse. and those of you who had years of abuse probably know what I mean about anxiety and panic. I just happen to be a very visual person, so mine have been mostly visual. with others, sounds, etc. those of us with family N's could probably studied as a group just as vets and 9/11 survivors and families of those who didnt have been studied. there isnt much info out there that I can see on PTSD as a result of the "Nfog," (whether from verbal or physical abuse).
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

ilovemusic · Joined: 18 Mar 2007 Posts: 151

>>>ilovemusic--what kinds of movies feed your inner child? sounds interesting and something I havent tried.<<<<

1) Lady in the water (awsome movie)

2) Happy Feet (another awsome movie) you will want to dance!! / Madagaskar.....

3) Pay It Forward.... ( good for the spirit and soul)

4) I did watch one movie about how this one child grew up with drug addict parents, but you are instructed at the beginning of the movie, to forget all you know and see it through the eyes of a child.... ( pretty heavy movie though, ) the comentator says some will like it some will love it some will hate it...... "It is called Tideland" it is hard to watch even*** if you do try and see it from a childs eyes

5) Willy Wonka ,

Any movie that is creative in nature...