Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

endofparalysis · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 64

Since Valentines day I have had a hard time ending the relationship with the N, cut off most communication and when that began he started in with his game. Text messaging me numerous times a day and finally emailing with threats like "if you don't reply I will delete you from my phone and tell my friends to never speak to you again and you will have your wish, me out of your life" (all in caps i might add....raging much?)....finally three days later I spoke to him on the phone.

He went on and on about how much he loved me and how there was no one else and how he's waiting for me to come back so he can call me his girlfriend. I told him I was going away for the weekend and that I would think about it (just so I could get off the phone). I also told him to leave my printer outside his place so that I could pick it up without seeing him...he agreed but told me he'd be out for the day and that he would leave the door open. I went to get it and admittedly I snooped around. He had condom wrappers etc around so I knew once again he had been lying to me....I felt like I was repeating the same weird scene of a movie over and over again. I emailed him that night and basically told him I don't want him anywhere near me ever again and that if he tried to contact me I would get a restraining order...also that I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

I went on to talk about his lack of empathy, remorse...fear of rejection and abandonment and his selfishness.....it must have hit home because he replied to my email at 6 am the next morning. Nothing but his snarky remark "see you at ...... " referring to a concert I bought us tickets for that we would have been going to next week. I am so glad I have finally shut the door on his ass and that I told him what I truly thought of him. I just don't know what to do with myself now......I have to keep NC. I'm not worried that he'll contact because I "outed" him on this site in front of all his "prospects" so he would never forgive me for that. I'm glad in a way that I don't have to worry about him coming back this time....just need to hear what you all did to move on after the final ending.

jomo20071 · Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:52 am Post subject:

End,

I feel for you. And I'm waiting as well to hear how people "moved on..."

aphrodite* · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 300 Location: usa

ann62 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

EOP:

Way to go!! You got to the point where you know this can never turn into anything, it's a very sad thing but I bet you also feel relieved...you are the sane one, you can go on to have a great life!!!! While when he's sixty he'll still be texting people trying to get them to stay and deal with his craziness.
You get to go find someone that has the capacity to really love you and stay committed to you. Those are the things I am trying to focus on, hope it helps!

Ann

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 570

When I received this email my punishment for NC, a suicide threat, I thought as if...I didnt know about N at this point

"My life is a farce and soon I wont have one, then you will be free of me"

Do they use the same text just change the words

Yes N life is a lie, he is still here, and no Im not free yet

Does N actual relize what he was typing?

If only they could keep their promises

gunnie · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 180

Hi Fraggle,

For me, oftentimes, the burning question is:

Does he cognitively know that he is full of shit or does he actually believe his projections/lies/false self?

To this, I have no answer. I am literally dumbfounded by him.

I called him out BIG-TIME once. I told him, "Nothing about you is REAL!!! You're just words... a walking contradiction!!!!" I said, "for the sake of everyone who comes into your path, please stop deluding yourself into thinking you're normal in any sense of the word!" Then I told him to look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the dictionary.

Aside from NC, this conversation was my proudest moment in any dealings I've had with him. There was much more that transpired during this interaction, but I got my point across. And I was spot-on.

Do they know? I don't know. I think they must. I mean, seriously, how can someone be so delusional? He's highly functional on a day-to-day basis. He's extremely successful and wealthy. How can he NOT know what he's doing?!

I have a whole new set of words for him, but I would never break NC to say them.

That's the only downfall to NC...

Other than that, I'm healing.

I definitely participate in the smear campaign, though. But it's against him. I never instigate it or initate it. I only respond to questions that I am posed by others (except for with my very best friends). I don't care anymore. I figure, I'm not bad-mouthing him. If someone asks about him, I just tell it exactly how it is/was. And if it comes across as negative, then that's his fault. He can't argue the truth.

HA! He's tried to... unsuccessfully, though.

I'm going to tear him a new one.

I've said before. I will not go out looking for a fight, per se. But I won't hesitate to cease any opportunity to expose his sorry ass. In fact, I have a little vent that I want to share. Hope no one minds!

Anyway, I signed up on youmail.com (where you can personalize your outgoing messages for each person in your contact list) and this is what I came up with for my outgoing message to him. (Of course, when he calls from his phone, he won't realize that he's the only one to hear it and he'll think that everyone who calls me gets the same greeting...) PRICELESS.

"Hi, this is Gunnie. Sorry I missed your call, but please leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Unless, of course, this is [first name and last name]-- you pathetic, transparent, self-absorbed con-artist fraud. If this is you, don't bother leaving a message, as I have no intention of ever returning your call. You are the smallest man I know, and I am not only referring to your dick, but since we're on the subject, I would advise that you never do steroids again, as your "package" cannot afford it. By the way, this is ONE of the reasons you majorly suck in the "passion" department. That... and also that you are a selfish, clueless bastard who is incapable of any real intimacy and probably infected with any number of STDs. You are a vile, disgusting excuse for a human being. I hope you drop dead, you psycho narcissist FUCK, as you'd be doing the world and all of humanity a tremendous favor. The toxicity of your behavior is truly appauling and mind-bending, and I am SHOCKED that your wife hasn't divorced you yet. You are a man of zero honor and there are truly no redeeming qualities about you. By the way, I'm still waiting for the money that you owe me. What a joke!!!! Yeah, you're a real "stand-up" guy. How you've managed to delude yourself into thinking otherwise is absolute proof of your personality disorder and human defectiveness. You can thank one or both of your parents for that. Other than being a flaming narcissist, I have absolutely no clue who you are. Your whole life is a lie, and when I think of you nowadays, it takes all my willpower NOT to vomit in my own mouth. Have no doubt that if I am ever presented with the opportunity, I will expose you for the cheating, lying asshole you are. You should, however, consider yourself lucky that I am not a violent person. Otherwise, you'd be a dead man by now. That's not a threat. That's a promise. Now go fuck yourself and crawl back into the dark abyss of your own existence. You're not cute, you're not clever. You're a 42 year old hollow man with the emotional capacity of an infant. A self-admitted alcoholic, cokehead and sabateur, who will spend his days on Earth a sad and lonely man, and who will spend his eternity rotting in hell. And I don't feel one ounce of compassion for you.

Everyone else, have a wonderful day!!!!"

By the way, I just found out he was married.

Theresa13 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 1546 Location: , Ontario

It's tough stuff no doubt, but in my honest opinion it wouldn't matter one bit what you said or did or didn't do.......THEY SIMPLY JUST DON'T CARE............. Unless of course it DIRECTLY affects them......It took me far too long to understand and comprehend how much of a waste it is and was to allow him rent free space in my head........I know only too well he's not doing the same about me.........It's such an incredibly difficult thing to wrap your head around ........ because try as we may.......we'll NEVER be able to think, feel, act, or imagine doing what they are capable of. AND YES , YES, YES, they absolutely know what they are doing. They do what they do with malice of fore thought, I know this is true.......I've watched it unfold for three years.........AND THAT'S BECAUSE I HAD THE AUDACITY TO EXPOSE THE BASTARD......... how dare I fight with the truth...........I should know he's all that and more............and who would have ever thought, (least of all him) that I would have the courage and wear with all to face him head on with NOTHING............ I may have lost ALL material stuff, and some mutual friends,( due to his slandering me) but in the end I'm still standing , still fighting, legally, and day by day I realize that I'm stronger than he'll ever be............because I'm not afraid of the truth......... THE TRUTH IS WHAT THEY FEAR MOST........AND I GUARANTEE........THEY KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THEMSELVES, THEY JUST PRAYED WE WOULDN'T BE SMART ENOUGH TO FIGURE THEM OUT. Start healing as soon as you can, I know it isn't easy,, but it is so worth it to find yourself and realize you are so worthy of better than you could ever have had with them.........Always, Theresa
_________________
I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.

kat · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 114 Location: oklahoma city

end

i stayed on this site to stay strong! one step at a time...

kat

ps: gunnie, love your post. can i use your voicemail message for my N too?
_________________
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.......... Ralph Waldo Emerson

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 570

Love the message Gunnie, but I think he would hang up as soon as he relised it was a message..and not you...the message wont feel sorry for him.

Hope you are feelin a little better having said it all anyways!

endofparalysis · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 64

Gunnie,
I really think they do have some idea that they are disordered...well mine did at least....when i told him he needed to see a psychiatrist he answered "ya i probably do" and he has changed his screen name to weird things like "i'm a single cell on a serpents tongue" and "hybrid moments". I think deep down he knows he's crazy.

sag07 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 537 Location: Elgin, IL

Gunnie

LMAO! you are killing me Laughing

Sag!

sag07 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 537 Location: Elgin, IL

The empowerment I see in some of these post are very encouraging! And yes the “Truth” is something they fear like vampires fear the sun light! Why do you think they go thru so must trouble hiding their past! Idea

Sag

Dizzygirl · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 162 Location: UK

end....I didn't have to do very much really. I had found out what a disgusting moron xN really is, and although he tried to deny it and convince me that he was innocent and a nice guy, deep down he knew that I meant what I had said, I could not and would not continue the r/s with him. He even resorted to crying over the phone. It was pitiful and it almost worked! I did kind of feel sorry for the sicko. Anyhow after all that he then called me in a rage, shouting and swearing, and tried to turn the tables, to make it look like he was the one who wanted to move on. He just could not stand being dumped, I guess it hurt his over inflated ego big time. But he should have thought of all this when he was committing crime, hurting women, lying and cheating. His fault. Serves him right.

Oh Gunnie what a brilliant post. I would LOVE to email it to my xN as most of it applies to him too! But NC rules! Not going to break NC. Just the thought of his reaction if I did send it will keep me going for a while. Wink

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Dizzygirl

Lynnezer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 534

endofparalysis · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 64

lynnezer, I agree with you fully NC is the only way to go now. I have told him what I think of him and what mental problems he has...so now that he knows I know the truth about him and what he's been doing I don't think I have to worry about him trying me for NS....he knows there would be none there to get.

I also told him that if he tried to contact me i would get a restraining order and have just deleted him from my instant messenger. I can't have contact especially since how low I feel right now about what I found out. First of all he would have to explain the whole sleeping with someone while we were together thing that was the cause of the most recent d&d and then he would have to figure out what to say about loving another girl while we were together and sending her those messages. There is just nothing he can say that would change those things or make me believe otherwise...I already saw the proof...I need nothing else. So, I'm not worried about him coming back because I know he knows there is nothing he could do or say. And if he resurfaces months from now when he thinks I've forgotten or is in need of more supply I will not be there....I will not respond.

I do feel like I've hit rock bottom....because there is no ounce or percent of me that has any wishful thinking that he could change, that he really does love me or whatever. I know it's more than over...and I'm thankful I finally know the truth about everything...even tho it hurts like hell.