Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

psychochunder · Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 19

I am writing this for 3 reasons:

1. To continue to get more and more of the poison out of my system so I can heal.

2. To raise awareness that Psychopaths (P) and Narcissists (N) are very much in the workplace and can cause the same level of psychological damage using the same range of techniques.

3. To provide a summary of the techniques used by the Ns and Ps, and the lessons I have personally learnt, so I could help someone else realise their situation and get out sooner than I did.

There is this belief that business relationships don’t hurt us. Because we are supposed to be non-emotional at work. It’s only business right? Wrong!

There is also a belief that men don’t get hurt, and cannot be manipulated by others. Wrong again!

Ps and Ns are everywhere. They destroy businesses. They nearly destroyed my professional life.

In 2004-2006, I met a P and an N in business. Both of them cost me financial loss and significant psychological damage.

I met my ex business partner Peter (not his real name) in the end of 2003 through trusted personal friends and contacts. He was 9 years younger than me. The business we started was his first entrepreneurial venture and my fourth.

The business worked in the area of management consulting. Its mission was broadly to humanise business practice. Our mission was to show businesses that being real, generous, kind, supportive and respectful to people can have very real contributions to the bottom line. And to help them put the processes in place to make this vision come alive.

In the first year it was great. I threw myself into the work. I took extra care to be supportive of Peter and his ideas. I happily shared my client base, and my experience. It was unbelievable how closely aligned our philosophy and approach was. I thought he was the one. I gave him equal ownership in the business so we would both equally contribute to it openly.

2 years on, the business was really taking off. By practicing what we preached, we were starting to attract good clients and media attention. I was in my element. This was what I was born to do. This business could be my life.

Peter also realised something important about his work. This business was NOT giving him what he wanted. He changed seemingly overnight. Little things at first: getting angry at me over little things, saying one thing and doing something else, not doing what he promises, making increasingly unreasonable demands, refusing to take responsibility for his work.

His ideas became increasingly contrary to the founding principles of the business. Suddenly we had to cut back on our charity work (a great and cheap way to get publicity) because “we were giving too much”. Instead, we must spend up big on advertising because that is what the Big Boys do.

We must dump all of our clients because they were not big enough. Instead, we must start a kickback scheme to get managers in the big companies to give us work. We must buy the most expensive technology just like the Big Boys. We must create teams of workers (using free student labour) so he can be the boss.

I knew this would kill the business. What he wanted was exactly the sort of company we were trying to change! I tried to see and acknowledge merit in all his ideas, but also at the same time reminding him of our successes and principles.

He started yelling at me in public and being belligerent and aggressive. I was accused of being too nice, thinking too small, caring too much about clients, working too much, not spending enough time with him listening to his ideas. This was so shocking. It caused lots confusion and grief. Was I mad? Was I wrong? Was I really all these things? Did these things happen? How this be happening?

He used my empathy, my ability to self-reflect, my trying to see his point of view, as weapons against my sanity and self-belief. I dreaded meetings with him because I never know if he was going to explode into sudden anger or not. I was on tenterhooks all the time.

He humiliated me in front of clients. Once, as I was leading a focus group and speaking to the group, he held up his palm in front of my face to get me to shut up because he wanted to speak then and there.

He would justify everything he wanted and did. Every time he got angry it was my fault. I was holding him back. I was the one being inconsistent. I was the one derailing the founding principle of the business.

All this time, I was trying to see his point of view and increasingly doubting mine. At my behest, we went and saw a relationship counsellor. Unfortunately, as she was not trained to deal with psychopaths and did not spot his manipulations. The sessions caused even more confusion for me, and gave him valuable weapons against my mental state. My frank and honest disclosures about my confusion etc confirmed to him I was crazy. He could only deal with the black and white. So someone had to be at fault, someone had to be crazy. And it was not him.

He became a boss from hell. I was told when I could do work, and when I had to stop everything and spend time with him. When we discussed ideas, I had to agree to his ideas and pronouncements totally. If I dared to question something or raise a point that is remotely contrary to his ideas, he would burst into a tirade of anger. And sometimes even tears! Most of the things I raised were dismissed as unimportant, and he was not ready to deal with them.

When I thought I had done well at something, he would tell me it was utterly end-of-the-world bad. There was no consistency to his judgements. This really mad eme doubt my abilities. He would complain that I spent too much time working, and yet when we once needed someone to do some simple data entry for us, he spent an entire week writing up a detailed job description and reverse-engineering a salary from online ads; even though we were only looking for a once-off service. The actual job could have been done in a day, but he refused to do it because it was beneath him.

He spent a week preparing for a 10 minute speech (after failing to demand he be given a 40 minute slot). Then scream at me for spending all that time working with the client and not giving him any “support”.

For all the time we were in business, he could not organise a voice mail for his phone. He simply refused to.

When our blog was getting really interesting links from significant people around the world, he decided to shut it down because he did not want to spend 5 minutes a day deleting the spam on it. He refused to let me do that either because he kept insisting there must be a magical technical fix somewhere. So he’d rather lose the valuable contacts we were making.

I became disoriented, depressed and utterly fearful of him. The business I loved had turned into a trap. I kept wondering if I could withhold more and more of myself from my work. What can I sacrifice to keep things going? That was not how it was meant to be. I did not set up a business to become a slave to an arsehole!

After tolerating this for almost 2 years, I resigned from the business. I simply could not agree to his demands to shut up and do everything his way, knowing it would destroy the business.

He was totally oblivious to how painful and devastating the experience was for me. His first comment to my resignation was “this is my best case scenario”. He did not even thank me! He then proceeded to point out that of course I would consider to do work for him at a discount!

Around this time, we met Leila (not her real name) in a networking event. She was about my age, an accomplished business woman with a public profile. She was immediately good friends with Peter. I had uncomfortable feelings about their closeness but put it down to petty (platonic) jealousy and just ignored it.

Leila had her own business. One day she proposed we write and publish a book together. This was a major project which we were going to self-fund split 3 ways. Soon after starting, Peter and I separated. Peter pulled out of the project of his own volition. Leila and I decided to pickup his slack financially and workload-wise. We ended up rewriting the material completely.

Peter said he would be happy for us to continue to work and as long as he was not expected to pay any money towards the printing he would not want any of the profits from sales. But he refused to put that in writing.

By now, I had no trust in him. Whilst he continued to refuse to sign anything that would enable us to proceed without encumbrance, he started to demand a huge and unreasonable double-page acknowledgement of his “indispensability to the project”. Our lawyers could not allow that because it would open up the avenue for him to sue us for his share of the profits later – especially in light of the fact that he was already refusing to sign a release.

Meanwhile, he started claiming authorship of all the articles I had written for the business. Even though the articles belong to the business, I still had a moral right to be acknowledged as the author. His response was “I own the business, I own everything.” Which is untrue as at that stage I still owned 50% of the business. He even started pitching the whole business concept as his own.

The very strange thing was, Leila kept downplaying the severity of the business breakup. She kept trying to talk me into agreeing to his demands even against the advice of our lawyers. I now realised that she was afraid of him. And her way of coping was to agree to his demands and hope for the best.

I learnt later that he was harassing her at one stage. Making demands on her to clarify how she felt about him. He was convinced she was in love with him and was toying with him. He sent a barrage of emails to her and made constant phone calls. Even when she told him to back off he did not. This obviously scared her enough.

His influence on her was significant. After the book was published, she suddenly decided she would not share the profits from a large sale she made. He reasons were that she sold the books to a business contact she personally cultivated for years, and that I was really already getting so much benefit by being associated with her brilliance and profile, and that my contribution to the book could have been outsourced anyway. This all came out of nowhere one day and really was the last straw. I was already extremely stressed from trying to resolve the business separation issue with Peter.

I believe that Peter has so successfully manipulated Leila, by tapping into her self doubts and narcissism, that he helped her come to this conclusion to rip me off. I guess as revenge for not letting him have his 2 page glorified acknowledgement in the book.

I chose to let Leila get away with that clear breach of contract. Basically thought the sum of money was hurtful, taking her to court would have cost more, not to mention the additional stress on my sanity that would entail.

Needless to say her act of greed completely ruined the joy of my first book. I knew I had be used. And I was not in a position to do anything about it.

It took almost another year to finish up with Peter. When I resigned from the business, I still owned 50% of it. Even though clearly in Peter’s head he owned everything then and there. He kept saying he wanted to settle matters equitably.

A few days after my resignation, he demanded I stayed back and help him shut down the company. He maintained that it was always a possibility in his plan to take control of the company then shut it down! You cannot imagine how painful that was for me. What a roller coaster ride that was. For months, his callous manipulations continued.

He told me to let him break the news to clients. But he then disappeared overseas for weeks on a holiday. Confused clients would ring me. On his return, he simply told clients to contact me anyway as it was my work to begin with so I could deal with the support issues.

He tried to illegally tap into my emails without my knowledge. Luckily the service provider was ethical and law abiding. They notified me and promptly terminated the service on breach of ethics grounds. The funny thing was, I remember him telling me how violated he felt when one of his previous employers did that to him. Clearly, he would happily do onto other what he would not want done to him.

Throughout this time, I was trying to get my share of the profits out of the company. He kept saying he wanted an equitable separation. What a lie. What he meant was more for him and less for me. His actions clearly supported this, though I could not see it at that time. I was so deeply enmeshed in his manipulations.

When I tired to point out that I had done all this extra work, brought in the clients, shared work and resources with him, to try and get him to see some perspective, he threw it all back at me with a spiteful “that is what you were paid a salary for”.

While I could be counted to act ethically and consistently, and to give when necessary to finish matters, he was the exact opposite. He would propose settlement after settlement. These were usually very poorly worded with loads of undefined holes. If I questioned anything, he would ignore me for weeks. Then propose another settlement. When I finally agreed to a settlement out of frustration, again he would go quiet for weeks. Then a new one would appear with even more advantages to himself, and the justifications for them.

Other power plays were – making strange and unreasonable demands to get more money for himself, and withholding paperwork so I could not do my taxes.

Then the accounting firm managing the affairs of the business resigned. They told me Peter was abusing them on the phone trying to make them sign over my shares in the business to him without my permission!

During this time, he shut down the company and started directing potential clients to his personal business. This was clearly in breach of the corporations law. Not only was he leveraging the goodwill of the company for his personal gain, he was also acting without approval from me the other shareholder. He did not see anything wrong with this of course, as he was perfectly right and the law will naturally concur with him. I actually filed a complaint against him with the corporate watchdogs. He ignored that of course.

He found another accountant, and more compliant and less ethical one, and issued a new settlement. This one was really simple. I get nothing. I had already paid half the taxes owing on the company’s profits months earlier. I have a computer the company bought which thankfully I did not return despite his demands. He wanted it back so he could sell it and then we could supposedly split the money. He knew I needed it to work to make a living. He had gone to a full time job by then.

What could I do? I let him have all the money in the bank account. I could not bear having to deal with him continually for God knows how long should I take him to court. I walked away. Free. And without sacrificing my ethics and integrity.

Meanwhile, he continues to let the bank statements be sent to me. Possibly as a way to continue to prove to me he has won.

He even had the gall to post on his personal blog that business was all about winning at all costs. And that to make a profit justifies all actions. And that being nice is pointless in business. I wish I could point you to his blog – it is embarrassing how he comes across as such a dreadful person!

My lessons and the signs are:

Don’t ignore the little things your gut tells you. There was just something not right about Peter and Leila from the start. I chose to ignore my gut feel. I was attracted to the possibilities they spun. The lies they told.

Look at the actions, look at the history. Peter has had personality issues since he was a child, with repeated sessions at psychologist. He told me this himself! Apart from harassing Leila, he also harassed another female employee of one of our clients! I was appalled to hear this from the client after I had left the business. He seem to often get more of everything – like paying for one hot dog at the cashier then walking away from the servery with two. This is because he lies to the server!

Watch for the detailed justifications. He once found an expensive camera on a train, and even though he already has a camera, he decided to keep it. “Because the police would have kept it for themselves anyway. And besides, the tourist would have it insured of course.” There was no appreciation of how he would feel if he were in the tourist’s position. There were photos I would not have wanted to lose!

Don’t make excuses for others. When I learnt of his string of short employment chunks, I believed his story about his entrepreneurial spirit, and his bad bosses.I kept trying to be understanding and supportive as a good business partner should. But because he is a P, he saw it as subservience.

At the first sign of overt abuse, call it what it is and prepare to leave or fight. Do not make excuses on their behalf for abusive behaviour. Do not try and understand them. The first time Peter screamed at me in public should have been the last time. Easy to say in retrospect. I was so caught up in the manipulation and the self doubt I was unable to act. Such status slaps in public simply enforced his hold over me.

It is not acceptable for someone to tell me how to feel. That my feelings are incorrect, and my perceptions false. This is one of the clear waning signs I did not see. I let these eat into my self confidence. Often, Peter would angrily demand that I justify my feelings which is not possible! Only to then proceeded to dismiss them.

No empathy. No remorse. No ability to see the grey. Everything to him was black and white. White could become black tomorrow. And he would defend his position to the end on that day. Then switch camps tomorrow with equal passion. He could not appreciate anything that is subtle – he does not believe in body language, and he does not “get” fictional writing and films.

Rapid changes of extreme emotions. He does not appreciate how his anger can affect others. He gets really angry, then gets over it. He actually gets angry at me for feeling hurt or threatened by his anger! To him, anger is a form of “firm assertiveness”! And we are talking at the level of objects being thrown in anger (not at me). Often, the level of anger is disproportionate to the stimuli. Peter would get suddenly extremely angry and annoyed at a crying baby in public.

Don’t just listen to the words. He was so good at saying all the right things to everyone. And yet when you look across these conversations, it clearly show someone with no integrity. The advice changes from situation to situation and person to person. When someone keeps saying all the right thing, and seem too good to be true, beware. Check how their actions align with their words.

Withholding – he would promise to do something, then simply not do it. For the whole time we were in business, he never got his voice mail activated. There is always some vague promise of soon. This is a form of control.

Over control is easier to spot. He would demand rudely for me to do as he wanted. Like a child having a tantrum. “I want this now” “I don’t want this now” etc.

Normal rules don’t apply to Ps. Trying to do the right thing by them is actually impossible. There is only the law, and even then it is not easy to enforce. Doing the right thing by them, being reasonable, are all seen as wins for them and encouragement to demand more.

Trying to think of them as normal people is not productive. This just causes more pain and confusion. They do not act according to any social norms. They operate by their own constantly changing and infinitely changeable sense of the world.

They usually have huge egos they have to stroke. Look for constant bragging, constant self-assuring statements of their greatness. Peter used to always insist that he was creative. I would be very supportive of course and encouraging him to do creative things; which he refused. And of course, they always value their contribution significantly more than anyone else’s – even when they have contributed nothing!

They are attracted to jobs that gives them power over others – to control, influence and dominate. Bosses, management consultants, public relations, change agents, advertising. Peter and Leila came from these professions.

They are master manipulators. They will win people over with their shallow charm and chosen words. They will convince others you are crazy. And it is all your fault. Peter even convince me of this for quite a while.

They are always right. Self righteous too. Peter needed to be right all the time. Even when the conversation had nothing to do with being right or not. He always had to have the last word, even when this is not the issue, or when it would really hurt the other person. When I was looking for validation for something, he would always have the last word which would be about himself. He also does not listen to advice or follow instructions. His approach was always the only approach. If I questioned something he has done, he always saw it as a direct assault on his core being.

They have no regard for the law or social rules or morals. The world is exactly as they thought it is. There cannot be alternative ways or thoughts.

These are not one off behaviours. Everybody can be nasty and unkind occasionally. We are all emotive creatures. Ps and Ns are personality disordered because they show consistent and repeated patterns of behaviours.

The symptoms I have are consistent with the ones reported here:

Self doubt. Thinking it was my fault, and I could somehow fix it.

Playing back of shocking encounters constantly.

Loss of self esteem.

Deep depression.

Confusion about my place in the world and who I am.

Anger at the P or N.

Frustration that no one seem to understand to get how serious this has affected me.

Frustration that the P and N has moved on happily while I continue to suffer.

Mistrust of others. Thinking the world is a bad place.

I still want him to understand. To give me closure. (But I cannot expect anything from him of course.) I still need to know why he did what he did. And how he could do something so callous and not feel anything.

If I had know about Ps and Ns earlier I would have got out earlier. I hope this post is useful to someone.

There are heaps more crap Peter has done. I can now write about it without being overwhelmed by the fear and emotions. It is incredible how a mentally ill little shit can have such a hold over me and cause so much damage.

But I know I am the only one who can make positive changes for myself. And I am trying to take that power.

Thanks for reading.

mommybunny1 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 264 Location: Middle Atlantic

Hello and welcome to the forum. Sorry that you need to be here. You are so very right about the damage that can be done in business by these characters.

My own story carries both elements....business and personal. I lost my business, nearly my career, my heart, damaged my family....the list goes on and on. I not only had a business agreement with the N, but eventually married him. My assets are all tied up in the marriage and has now stalled the divorce settlement. Even my lawyer is at an impasse.

These people destroy everything and everyone who touches them. Part of the pattern is that they cross boundaries. With Liela, Peter has had more ways to breach her trust...and he used them. If Peter could have enmeshed himself into your personal life and comprimised you in some way, he would have. Without a conscience, there are no boundaries.

Although the damage is profound, the joy of freedom is extra sweet.

Mommybunny
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Mommybunny

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Hi and a very warm welcome to you
I really struggled with the "why" aspect of them for years, now nine years on, I came to the conclusion, because they are ill, they cannot reason like the average person, all they see is what benefits them.
They will strip you bare of all your belongings, and never bat an eye.
My ex walked away with my car my home and more importantly my self respect and dignity.Thats pretty good going for someone who only had two carrier bags to his name.
I am glad you found us and your letter will help many, thanks for sharing that with us.
It is really hard to accept but its about power and control, if mine couldn't control me one way he would switch allegiance, but he was violent also.
I agree totally about the tantrums if he couldn't have what he wanted then and there, he would fly into a rage lashing out at me.
It was a constant walking on eggshells.
Near the end I felt he had taken me over completely and my life wasn't mine anymore. I was being manipulated and outmaneuvered in every which way.

I am glad you got away, now begins the healing process, please read all you can on here, it really does help you to understand, how they work and why and causes.
Im am pleased you found us
The main thing is stay NO CONTACT with him, because if it suits him, and you can be a further source of supply he may return.

Nice to meet you
Hugs
Movedon
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psychochunder · Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 19

Thanks Mommybunny and Movedon. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and to reply. I feel 100000000 times better already.

Isn't interesting how a few simple words of acceptance (demonstrated listening without judgement) can profoundly affect someone. One of the great lessons I have learnt from this is that how we choose to treat other matter to them as well as ourselves.

I really feel for you Mommybunny. Having both your work and personal lives tied up with the one N is an unimaginable nightmare. I can so see how an N can manipulate someone into marrying them - indeed now I can see how Peter was even trying to manipulate my views of my closest friends. Thankfully he did not make any headways into damaging those relationships.

It does make me realise how free I can be. How I always have choices. And I can choose to be who I truly am in the face of what seemed like utter annihilation then. Extra sweet freedom. Extra sweet gratitude.

Ns and Ps must have completely alien worldviews than the average population. Even though I know this intellectually, there is still the fundamental aspect of trying to treat them as normal human beings. Bu you are right Movedon, they are ill.

I am sorry your ex walked away with so much of you, especially your self respect and dignity. They are the hardest of all to recover from I find. And they affect your ability to generate an income too which does not help the financial situation.

It is fascinating how we as intelligent and decent and non-naive persons can be somehow surreptitiously manipulated, bullied, coerced into a potion of utter helplessness. How do they do it?!!! How do they do it without us being able to spot it early enough? we need to produce a really simple 5-step checklist/handbook and distribute it to all and sundry on how to identify if you are in an abusive N or P situation...

I am very glad I found this place. The healing has moved on in leaps and bounds.

Good to meet you both. Hugs back to you too. And thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Your very welcome

They do it by, finding out what you want them to be then they live it, they will be all the answers to all your prayers in the honeymoon stage, its when you dont comply or they find a new supply it all changes.
The main thing is love blinds us all no matter what intelligence rating we have, thats how they can reach the biggest majority.
I wish you healing and please feel free to post on all boards, or read all you can.
Glad you found us
Hugs
Movedon
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suckerforcharm · Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 33 Location: Hell's Half Acre.

psychochunder

How I can identify with what you have said. I would like to quote back to you what I recognize as my own thoughts or feelings:

"The symptoms I have are consistent with the ones reported here:

Self doubt. Thinking it was my fault, and I could somehow fix it.

Playing back of shocking encounters constantly.

Anger at the P or N.

Frustration that no one seem to understand to get how serious this has affected me.

Frustration that the P and N has moved on happily while I continue to suffer. "

Underlined above are my two biggest frustrations. I should have included the one about closure, as normal people need closure from emotionally strainful events. That lack of closure leaves one hanging indefinately unless we realize these people are not real people.

One of the things that separates us from these people is that we have a full set of emotions, we have empathy and we have conscience. I am now comparing the N's & P's to animals, for animals also lack conscience, they move about life based on what they want to do verus what they should do. Animals do not care if they hurt another.

I had a somewhat successfull career where I worked for over 30 years with the same outfit where the people were mostly "normal". For the sake of advancement I changed jobs 2 years ago and I now where I work I have run into both N's and P's.

I find this site particuarily helpful in sorting out the people at my new job in that I am learning now there are others with "my" problems. I am learning I am not the problem at this new job, they are. I now know this new work place is just loaded with folks that have all sorts of PD's. The ones particularily damaging are the N's and P's.

The best antidepressant I have is knowing retirement is just around the corner. We will move to little place up in the woods on a lake with the wildlife where the only people are the country folks - the type I grew up with where these damaging personalities seemingly do not exist.

One of the many nice things about this forum is that we can tell our stories and vent all we want to without others thinking we are the problem.

sucker

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Hi , Suckerfor charm, I disagree with the term animals in comparison, animals can be tamed, unfortunately N & P's cannot nor do they have any loyalty to their victims, but I get your point with the attitude they have re wild animals. Wild animals however are not ill, its a fight for survival, and maybe ruthfulness comes into play here.
MommyBunny I agree totally there.
Hugs
Movedon
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suckerforcharm · Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 33 Location: Hell's Half Acre.

Moved,

I'd say we are both right. I'd say some of the most trusted animals there are would be dogs. And many animals can be tamed or domesticated.

However predators, such as the cougar, are often known to turn on their masters without provocation. I was thinking of the cougar when making my statements because one Suzie's favorite animals is the cougar. And animals that have victims, such as predators, have no loyalty to the victims.

I remember from my child hood watching a common house cat with a mouse. It caught the mouse, played with it, then proceded to lick it. Soon the mouse was quite calm and seemingly relaxed. Then without warning the mouses head was quickly bitten off. To this day I do not care for cats. Most predators viciously attack their prey. There is no mistatke in the prey's mind as to what's up. P's are like cats, they are charming, sneaky, have no emotion or loyalty (such as a dog would have).

Sucker

chenique · Joined: 04 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

hi I am new but it is so comforting to realise how many people have had same experience. I have a narc adopted grown up daughter and worked with one for some years. They seem to surround themselves with malable people who do their bidding and don't see the bigger picture or who actually enjoy the bullying and game playing. How true to say listen to your gut instinct. We often give the narc the benefit of the doubt and I know I often thought oh that person is probably a bit odd as he or she is going through bad times or whatever and did not listen to my commonsense radar that was telling me something was not right. Often it is just a word or a look and you think that was out of place or character. At present I have Iost most friends due to daughter spreading lies and playing games as she cannot directly control me anymore. I disconnected. There is nothing like a narc who is spurned. My gosh she is so full of anger and spends all her time and energy devising ways to isolate me. It's like she must have my attention whatever good or bad. I am tired. But reading the posts gives me hope I am not alone.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 827

Chenique, the fallout from their outbursts is incredible, I hope you gain strength here, and I hope you stay strong, it must be hard, when you have nurtured them, and feel you have given your best, only to have them turn on you.
The main thing is now you have to think about your health, and try not to worry what vengeance she is planning against you.
re-the lost friends, sooner or later they will see the lies, and if they dont then were they real friends anyway?
No contact is hard but it does give you the time to gain strength and recover.
I wish you a pain free time ahead
Hugs
Movedon
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annie.smythe · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

Hi,

i really appreciate reading these, and this praticular story. Not that I am happy this has happened, but to find company in others who have had to endure this awful situation. I'm really sorry to hear that, most of all, your dignity has been so damaged. But that brings me to my question, how to get it back? I have a narcissistic father that I have had to deal with my entire life. Which seems to make me an easy target for other N or P, particularly in the workplace, to target. My question is how to avoid these people? My recent job was a nightmare beyond comprehension. But that's what I'm trying to figure out, how to get my dignity back and move on to never experience, or learn how, to deal with this? Also, I have this anger, which mimicks an N or P's rage, and it makes me doubt whether I am the crazy one. But I am just so mad that 1) I was stupid enough to become the target again, 2) no one seems to recognize this. I think I also feel free in my rage, b/c I never want to become like "them," but sometimes I feel like I am b/c I'm so mad at what happened? How do you stop?

ProfZim · Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 3

thanks for summing up a lot of stuff I feel about the abuse that happens in a work situation. I had a lot of similarities here and you did a good job of breaking it down. helpful stuff, indeed, for anyone who is going through or had a work-related experience.