Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

After two weeks my N is still trying to convince me to go along with him to eet other couples after I have told him no so many times. He says he is going to keep asking until he has no doubt I mean No. He says he wants to do it with me not with someone else. He only wants me but will find someone else in the end if I won't go along with him.

He is still looking at the sex sites. Still checking his e mails. Still expects to have a nrmal relationship with me.

How can I get through to him that I want no part of it. If he was to leave tomorrow to go I would feel relieved . He says I would realize I have made a big mistake to throw all we have worked for because of my arrogance. He says he would be able to find someone else to fit my shoes out of 5,000 women. He says he has hundreds of e mails he hasn't opened yet because he wants to know for sure I won't go.

How much does it take to convince him NO. I have told him to go for it, but it doesn't seem to sink in. He is still here.

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

Why are even talking to this wingnut ?

Since he cant hear you when you speak dont .........

Distance yourself from him before you get hurt .

This relationship appears to be no win for you fold and

leave the table .
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

I wish I could just fold the table and leave. Too much involved for that. Would lose all my finances if I did that.

I don't understand why he just doesn't do what he says he is going to do and leave me. I am fine with that. I know I would miss him, but he would be doing what he wants to do and I could do what I wanted to do then. I am fine with that. He is the one that isn't.

Its like he wants to go, but doesn't. What could be holding him back. He thinks he is gods gift to women. Is he perhaps scared he isn't?

jomo20071 · Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 2:52 am Post subject:

So Jen, what are you going to do if he does find someone else to do it with and STILL wants to stay? Are you going to still stay put?

Because why WOULD he leave? He can have his cake and eat it, too.

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

Why are even talking to this wingnut ?

Since he cant hear you when you speak dont .........

Distance yourself from him before you get hurt .

This relationship appears to be no win for you fold and

leave the table .
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

Well he has locked himself in the office and I assume he is searching his contacts. Says he is leaving tomorrow now. Says he has had enough. This was because I said No again. Why am i crying???

My morals tell me to insists on saying No. But it is so hard. Perhaps it is the thought of being on my own again after 7 years. I want to break down the door and tel him to stop it.

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

Hon, you are full of wishfull thinking. He has said he will find someone else to do it... translation.. he is already looking or already has.
If you stay with him, he will do it behind your back, or maybe even throw it in your face, saying "it's all your fault, you made him do it cause you wouldn't".. that's just the kind of twisted thing they do!!

If you stay with this man.. You will put your health in jeopardy!!!

I was widowed after 13 1/2 years with my high school sweetheart, I was left with no $, no credit, and had been a stay at home mom, so no job... and two kids to raise.
It was scary!! But I did it, and I gotta tell you I never felt stronger!!

The strength you gain by making it on your own, can't be described!! It's awesome!!

Cool

stillsmilen
_________________
I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

Yes, he has said he might not like it, but he wouldn't know until he did try it.

I guess I might as well accept the idea that we are finished. So sad because we do like as lot of the same things, but I have learned so much from this site about what it should really be like. That is not just a case of having the same interests. You have to have respect. He says he has all the respect in the world for me, but I just can't see it. He says I am the only thing in the worldl he really wants.???? Empty words..

brownie · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 25

Jen, I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. You're a long-time member here so you know the deal. He's going to rub in your face because he can. I allowed the ex to do it for a time, but that was the final straw. No more allowed! I left three years ago and have rebuilt life from scratch. So can you once you're out of the N-fog. Your sanity and integrity are worth more than any idiot who's hurting you over and over. Be true to yourself. Please put him out or leave and let the lawyers handle the rest. You're wasting precious time.
brownie

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

Brownie i still want to make it to the get together I asked about.

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

Perhaps I will be out of the fog by then. or partly out anyway

brownie · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 25

Jen, I'm cheering you on! By the summer you'll be free and you can meet other survivors. Midlife living alone isn't so bad after all once you realize that you don't need that other half to make your life whole. It took me decades to realize this. You'll get there, I'm sure. Just keep reading about what you're dealing with. It's not worth it to stay.
brownie

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

And Jen.. Don't forget, it seems like you both like alot of the same things, because they mirror us so well.

When I first met XNP, I told everyone how "he was perfect for me", I thought we were perfect for each other. Because that's what he portrayed, that's what he wanted me to think.

And yes, we probably do have alot of interests in common... BUT... One thing we do not share.. Is that I have a heart and soul!! I care about other people, and respect them and their feelings & wishes!!! You do too!!

But THEY DO NOT!!! They do not care, they do not respect. A good relationship consists of mutual respect and compromise... Not manipulation, guilt and pressure.
You deserve so much better!! Wink

stillsmilen
_________________
I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

jenrussell2 · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 66

Thanks Brownie

I know I will be better off mentally without him. I have made several tapes of him ranting and raving and when I play them back I find it hard to believe I am still here. I guess this is supposed to be happening to get the final push. I remember when I used to laugh a lot, and visit with friends and family. I would have a grand time visiting people I havn't seen for years, plus I am sure his family would still accept me. I know his children do and several of his siblings. Even his ex wife who I become good friends with.

I should wish him luck and send him off with a wave. He has already told me he wants to part friends in one mouthful, then in the other how he has put a lean on the property in my name where we built a house together and how I shouldn't try to pull one over on him or I would regret it.

jomo20071 · Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 5:32 am Post subject:

Jen,

See an attorney about the money stuff -- it's money well spent for good advice and information. He may be wrong in thinking he has the upper hand...