Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

pugmadhouse

Hi, This is the first time I have written on anything like this. I hope that it will help me as I am really low at the moment.
You might wonder why I am wriitng here, well after reading about Psychopaths I realise that it fitted this man to a tee.

On Monday (10/9/07)
I went to court as a witness for the Crown against a man who had conned me out of a large sum of money. He was Charged on 4 counts and after various delaying tactics he turned up. He claimed that he was too ill (MENTALLLY) to listen to the evidence, he sat in front of the Judge crying and shaking (he had brought 2 carers to court also to gain some more sympathy) It was agreed by the judge that for every 10 mins of evidence he needed a 15 min break !!!!!!!
the CPS had to get authorisation because what was to have been a case lasting 1.5 days was now going to take 2 weeks. They decided that is was too expensive (TAXPAYERS MONEY) to carry on and the jury would feel sympathy fot him and find him not guilty.
Every one concerned was upset but there was no other option !!!
This had been going on since 7/3/06 when he was charged. He used every trick in the book to delay things, but on the 13/6/07 a jury found him FIT to stand trial.
The next day I was approached by the cps -they had benn told to ask me if I would drop the charges if he paid all the money back !!!!!!
Funny coincidencde that.

Again I had to wait and wait then on Friday 7/9 I was told it was going ahead on Monday. As I said i turned up with my 2 daughters not knowing how it was going to turn out, but what happened next totally shocked me.
Everyone new he was lying, but he had got away with it by being a very good actor, despite my numerous warnings that this is exactly what he does, especially to all the "PROFFESSIONALS"-Doctors ,Lawyers etc He his a compulsive lier who has no concience at all.

I was totally devastated and felt really frustrated as I never had a chance to tell them what this man had done to me and my two daughters. Since 2002 he had played mind games with me and my 2 girls causing a lot of pain. I went to the Police in 2005 because I didn't want him to destroy anymore women and children. He seems to get a kick out of hurting people and destroying their lives. It was embarrasing to admit what a fool I had been. I was a very vulnerable person who didn't think much of themselves. He knew exactly how to play me, but what hurts me the most is what he did to my daughters, the youngest one took an overdose because of him.

the final kick in the teeth came on Monday night at around 7.00pm I got a phone call from a woman who had also had some problems with him. He sent her a Text message , he was gloating about the case and how he had gotten away with it, along with nasty comments and threatning inuendoes.

Earlier that day he was doing his "ACT" in court now he was back on form doing what he does best.

I am hoping this will help but I am so low I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. All I wanted was to stop him, but he can carry on now destroying people.

Why do these people always get away with it ? Sad

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear Pug,

I hear your frustration and I am so sorry that you have been victimized by what definitely sounds like an N or a P--they are good actors and h ave NO conscience. They actually enjoy conning and hurting people it is a game to them.

It is difficult for "normal" people who have a conscience to "relate" to these people and many times they do cause chaos in the lives of those they victimize. Sometimes they even cause death and equally horrible injuries not just financial.

He may go on and be "successful" in beating the rap in criminal or civil court, but believe me, eventually he "Will get his" in one way or another.

The GOOD part of this all is that by being exposed to one of these monsters, and by LEARNING ABOUT THEM, and learning to look for the "red flags" that invariably they fly at some time during the relationship you can spot them early enough before they really get into you deeply and cause more damage.

I realize that is pretty steep "tuition" to pay for "The university of hard knocks" but sometimes it is the only good that can come out of it.

Learn and LEARN AND LEARN, and see where he used your own weaknesses to SUCK YOU INTO HIS TRAP---what about you made you a good target for his scheme to get your money? Talk to this other woman and see if you can get a copy the e mail and take it to the police, maybe they will take him back for fraud.

Keep posting here and reading and empower yourself by learning about them and how they function. Work through your frustration and anger and sense of rage (justifiable rage by the way) Hang in there. (((Hugs)))
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi Pug,
Go to Citizens Advice ask for an appointment ask them if you can appeal they will point you in the right direction or they will go to court with you if you ask them and its all free
They have every concievable contact in their arsenal I know you already have a solicitor but the more info you have the better it is solicitors are very busy and dont always have the time to follow up on stuff they should do
C.A.B will do that
I would be furious to, I lost my home I was also conned and its a hard pill to swallow
Your really angry right now and rightly so re-stock and see if you can arm yourself with more facts about this guy if hes known to the police etc court records and dates of what hes done
Like Ox says they are extremely crafty people and can fool anyone, but sooner or later hell come unstuck be on your guard.

On top of everything dont give him the satisfaction of this making you ill
I hope you sort this out and he eventually gets what he deserves

Hugs
Movedon
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pugmadhouse · Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 10:28 pm Post subject:

Hi, thanks for your comments. I am feeling a little stronger and it has helped to read other stories on this site.

I do believe in "Karma" and I want it to happen !

My plan of action is to write to lots of different people to highlight my plight and hopefully put a stop to this P................
I think that knowledge is power and if a lot of people hear my story then it may do some good.

It is quite embarrassing to admit how stupid I had been but if it stops him destroying any more lives it will be worth it.

It does help writing about stuff, and getting helpful advice from others.

I plan to carry on with my civil case but I am worried about the cost, he gets LEGAL AID and is not bothered about the number of letters that are
written backwards and forwards.

I want to protect my 2 daughters too, I'm worried that his lies will hoodwink the civil court judge too. I don't want him to do any more damage ! Confused

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi, its a hard call to go on with the expense or to give in and let him win
either way your dammed if you do and dammed if you dont cos either way you loose
If hes anything like my ex he will go on benefit so he will claim he cant afford to pay back fines (thats if hes convicted)
Plus if you have to pay court costs will your bill be greater than the award
All questions hun you need to way up
The most important thing is that you and your daughters are safe from this moron.
I stayed because it was my home and it was my familys inheritance in the end the damage to myself was too great my life was threatened yes I was an idiot to walk away but he didnt gain anything because he never paid the small amount remaining on the morgage so it was reposessed
I lost a lot of money but I walked away with my sanity it all depends whats more important to you as an individual.There was extreme violence in mine so I had no choice
I really feel for you especially for what he did to your daughter
I hope you beat this cretin , if you decide to go on
Please let us know how you go on.
(((((((((hugs to you and your girls))))))))))

Hugs
Movedon
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pugmadhouse · Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:57 pm Post subject:

Thanks for your kind words, I know exactly what you mean.
I'm not sure what I am going to do yet as things are still a bit raw.

Yes it started with the civil case because I wanted the money back that I had loaned him in good faith.
When our "relationship" such as it was ended and the can of worms opened I decided to go to the police to stop him hurting others.
He had damaged a lot of people and as I was hearing what he had been up to I felt that I had a moral obligation to report him and try to do my best, even though it was very embarrassing to admit how stupid I had been.

I do believe in Karma and I do think that the best thing to do is move on, but I do worry that he may cause more pain and even the death of someone as he is a very evil man. Twisted Evil

If I don't do anything and I hear that this has happened I couldn't forgive myself !!!! Sad

It does help looking at this site to see that I am not alone and the support is really helpful too.

It definitely helps to write things down!

I find it hard to trust anyone and the paranoia is terrible, I think that everyone is lying to me even about the simplest things. Also the fact that he uses "Mental Health" as a defence in the Legal Arena when there are Genuine Mentally ill people who do need help.

The irony is that I wanted to be a counsellor and did the courses but I cannot do it because of all this. Also I had just started as a Victim Support Worker and again I can't do that either at the moment. Hopefully one day I can return to it .

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

DEar Pug,

The paranoia after being victimized is "normal"---but LEARNING ALL ABOUT THEM will give you some good information about how to "spot" them earlier on before they get you "hooked"---there are "red flags" that they give off sometimes, usually early on in the relationship.

Living life paranoid of all othrs is not a healthy or happy way to live, and we have all been there at one time or another I should think, but we are choosing to learn as much as we can about them so that we can live our lives "free" of them. He isn't the only one by far. But fortunately most people are NOT like that.

Recovering from being a victim takes time and work, but it is well worth the effort and will lead to YOU being a much better and smarter person than ever before. Hang in there, and feel free to post here, but most immportant READ all the educational links about them and learn to spot them and the red flags.

As far as protecting others from him, that may not be possible. We would all like to be able to do that, but sometimes it is all we can do to protect ourselves from them and to heal our own wounds that they have inflicted. We would all like to protect others from the ones that wounded us, but many times people will not believe us. That seems to be a common thread too among people who have been abused by these people. They are so "slick" and can pretend to be so "nice" even when they are EVIL.

God bless you and give you peace.
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

italiungrl · Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 7

My NH has been getting away with things for years countless charges against women, he finally met his match IE me, he threatened my children in a manner thats horrific and me, I went to the police and there was such a public outcry for this big fish he has been in jail since June 1st.

Trial is coming up and he will walk away with a few felonies, finally accountable ,I loved this man it sickens me. I still miss the fake nice side of him jeckyl Hyde. Yet I know he will make me pay someday.

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

Wow! Good for you! For standing up to this monster and for gettng him a "record"--he very willl might be out for vengence when he gets out, so KEEP SAFE AT ALL COSTS, but you did the right thing!

It takes guts, courage,,and back bone to do what you did, so here's a bug ((((Hug))))) for you!
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

italiungrl · Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 7

Thanks for the vote of confidence, I can see why so many of the other women had given up, the law looked at them all as just crazy Gfriends spurned, well I married him and found out so much about him it was unreal, he finds it amusing to make the court system look incompetent , and women are just vindictive bitches.
3 felonies on my record would ruin my life but then Im a law abiding citizen, he isnt he wont miss the right to vote. But in good conscience I couldnt let it go as he might victimize another, not on my watch.

pugmadhouse · Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:12 am Post subject:

I have drafted a few letters at the moment and I plan to copy the text message in to them too. I have managed to get a copy of it:-

TEXT MESSAGE 100907 APROX 6PM

TO CS FROM JH –SENT TO ME BY HER 11/9/07

WELL WELL MISS C...... GOT THE RESULT I STATED2 U I WOULD GET AFTER SACKING MY LAST FAT BARRISTER THANK GOD IN JUSTICE HAS DONE!! YOU ARE NEXT IN MY LIST U BITCH FROM HELL SEE YOU IN COURT AFTER MY HOLIDAY SO TAKE CARE SEE U SOON I WILL 4WARD MY COURT PAPERS COPYS OF 4 NOT GUILTY VERDICTS BYE

This was an obvious attempt to scare her and intimidate her. He says he was found not guilty- This was not the case at all. The term the CPS used was "No Evidence Offered" as they had no choice.
I am trying to persuade her to go to the police but she is worried about loosing her children (they are adults). There is a lot of history there and as it has been proved he lies and loves to destroy the LOVE in families.

Also he could well have done it to indirectly gloat at me!

I know the Criminal Legal System cannot do any more, but as the saying goes "there are more ways of skinning a cat !" Word of mouth can be just as powerful if the right person hears about it !!!

It helps me to feel that I am doing something.I have a boxful of evidence that backs up my story and disproves his LIES. Exclamation

I just want the chance to tell my side of the story.

Echo · Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:11 pm Post subject:

Oh Gosh Pug, I'm so sorry to hear your story - and I understand your pain here because for several years we've been battling against a similar thing....CPS, Police, evidence etc..

It's gotten us absolutely nowhere....everytime he wins. We gave up in the end because the hassle and disappointment all the time just isnt worth it. But its so very painful - and noone can "hear" us - just the same as you are experiencing.

There is one last chance, but like you - its going to cost more money, and if we dont win, we get to pay all his costs too....

Best of luck to you.. as far as Im aware, you only have to prove 50% guilt in a civil case, as in a police case its something like 95%???

I hear you and share your frustration....sending you the very best of wishes.

Echo.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi Pug, There is one thing I thought of what about your loacal MP they have private surgerys. With an Mp in your corner your case would be stronger (sad to say but true)I know its civil law but your his constituant so its just an idea hope you dont mind me sugesting it.

Maybe if you tell the MP the civil court is being mocked and you think its a public outrage along those lines
Just a thought
Hugs
Movedon
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OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1461 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear Pug,

I am not sure if you are aware of the OJ Simpson case here where he was accused of butchering his x wife and a friend that just happened by her house to deliver some glasses.

The physical evidence was just over whelming but for whatever reasons in the cosmos, he was judged "not guilty"---

He is the CLASSIC P---and dangerous. Well, he finally got arrested for taking a gun and going to "get something that belonged to him"---instead of calling the police as anyone else would have done.

So maybe, just maybe, he will get some JUSTICE after all.

In my own complicated case, I won't go into all the details, they aren't important now, my P-son in prison and his Trojan-Horse-P, and my P daughter-in-law schemed to kill me, and swindle money from my mother. I tried every legal thing I could and was not successful at all, they had her so doped up, senile, or whatever that she did not believe me at all, so I fled my home for my own safety---only a few months later, they tried unsuccessfully thank the God who protected him, to kill my son, her husband, and were caught and are now in jail on multiple FELONY counts.

They don't ALWAYS win, and they are many times the AUTHORS OF THEIR OWN DOWN FALL. At the time we "fail" in court, we feel that they have "won" but many times I think in the end they fall into the pit that they have dug for themselves. I know that I spent considerable money and time and energy trying desperately to "save" my mother from all this and she would not "see" or cooperate with me at all, in fact, accused ME of trying to swindle money from her, and I remember all the frustration, fear, anger, sadness etc. that I expended in this "failed" attempt to use the law to get JUSTICE---in the end, though, THEY GOT THEIR OWN JUSTICE THROUGH THEIR OWN ACTS, and brought themselves low. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I had just WAITED on them to shoot themselves in the foot---the only thing I did that was actually very successful, was to "get out of Dodge" (An American phrase meaning LEAVE TOWN AND HIDE)

I imagine you must be very ANGRY at this person for sure, but sometimes, I think waiting is all that has to be done. Good luck and God bless you.
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

pugmadhouse · Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 9:08 pm Post subject:

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND HELPFUL ADVICE!

It has really helped to read the postings and it does make you feel that you are not alone. Unfortunatley it also tells me that there a lot of evil people out there.

I think we are all at different stages but together with all the help and support we can get through this. I will carry on fighting at the moment I know I have the TRUTH behind me.

I had already planned to write or go to see my MP, he is quite a famous one actually it is WILLIAM HAGUE , so it may be helpful.

Also the Legal System should be told about his CONTEMPT for the legal system and how he thinks he is invincible.

Once again thanks to you all !!!
I will keep posting here to let you know how I get on.
God bless.