Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

YIPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I did it...Tonight was the first game I have been to that I did not get a stomach ache. I put the XN in a big red balloon and ignored all his acts.
All their (n and OW) behavior was so outrageous it was funny to me!
Maybe my heart will follow my brain...all I know is that it sure felt good to see the truth and actually KNOW IT tonight!
The OW who thinks she has won the trophy..I actually had some empathy for her and the road ahead.
XN might have met his match with this OW...She even honked at me..haha! GROW UP!

Thanks to all my new friends and what you have made me not IGNORE!
Love to you!

Mildred1 · Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 386

Keepingseparate -- I am so happy for you! YIPPEEEEEE!

Weird how we can manage to find control within ourselves to live a normal life. We think we can't do it... but we know we can. It just takes a little bit of courage...........and I command you for being such a strong person.

Don't be upset at OW........... she doesn't even know what's coming to her. As a woman..... I can tell you that if my X (N or Not) flaunted me in front of his ex......... that would be a HUGE red flag ..........most likely he would do the same thing to me if I became the X. Hopefully she will find the road of freedom before is too late Confused

Congratulations!

rebuilding · Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 33

Keepingseparate,

Thats wonderful, you are becoming sooo much stronger! I still do not have the strenghth to be around the exN and the OW at my childrens games and we have been apart since Sept. 2004. Reading your post is helping give me the encouragement that I need in order to possibly encounter both of them during fall baseball season. I cant believe she honked at you... how immature is that! My N's first OW ( the one that commited suicide) use to peer into my house when they would drop off the kids. Also, when I had to talk to the N on the phone, you could hear her in the backgroung saying things like sweetie, baby, honey etc... They try so hard to get a rise out of you..it actually becomes comical after awhile.

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

Good Morning Dear Friends!
I have to tell you all I am doing great! I have said I do not wait after games to maintain some sanity. Because my oldest daughter went with me and she wanted to see her sister afterwards....I had to suck it up and see XN and OW.
IT WAS A TURNING POINT FOR ME....and I was so worried that another game would put me several steps backwards like the last few weeks. But, not his time!!!!! I saw XN make a "new rule" NO TALKING TO PARENTS OR SIBLINGS, WALK STRAIGHT TO THE BUS!!!! My oldest daughter ran to the bus to see her sister and he yelled at her and told busdriver to close the doors. As I walked towards my daughter who was AMAZED the bus pulled away and OW was driving XN (OW must not own a car haha) car and HONKED at me....I did not look at OW to see if she was flipping me off, laughing or whatever the case may be!!!!! BUT I GOT SOME SORT OF CLOSURE....WHY WOULD I WANT ANYPART OF THIS??? Ya know??? It was so immature and what is REALLY IS!!!! I have not had a knot in my stomach for 3 days and have had SO MUCH PEACE! My thinking that they are happy is now funny!!!!! How truly desperate and UNCLEAR they are about life and others....
Anyway..yipppeeeeee for me today! This feeling and place I am in is where I want to stay..
Had to share!
Love to you all!

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Connecticut, USA

Keepingseparate, Congratulations on turning that corner, it's a big one. You've found some peace at last. Notice it didn't come from XN changing his behavior (which isn't going to happen), it came from within you. He's the same creep he's been and that he will remain, and you found acceptance of that fact.

Acceptance. Now you've got it, and your new-found peace cannot be taken from you, no matter what. You go girl!!!!

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

NancyCT
YES it is a great feeling!!! This story will make you sick and more validation for us survivors!

My daughter told me yesterday that a teammate came to her and said she was suicidal, she had attempted 3 times without success. This is not a friend of my childs. My daughter had enough sense to know she was being told because she was the closest to the coach(XN). My daughter told the coach immed. GUESS WHAT HE SAID?? "dont bother me with that stuff, I dont care" It made me realize If not about MEMEMEMEME he is not interested...amazing huh???
My daughter told me yesterday because she could not sleep and I called the mother who was very greatful...my daughter talked to the mom too and explained what was said!
It is just this....the only person that matters in their(XN) world is THEM! what a lonely exsistance!

Grieving8484 · Joined: 10 Mar 2008 Posts: 56

keepingsecret-

It's amazing how demented and twisted they are...if you haven't already, you should make a list of all these sick incidents and keep reflecting on them every now and them just as a reminder of how wonderful it is for you to be N free! YAY! What a lonely, lonely existence...imagine having to die that way? I don't know how they are able to sleep at night and wake up to themselves every morning...good for you, keep it up girl!!

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

You're so right! I do not exsist to my XN...OW has taken my spot (I am dead) and that is okay with me today! I am taking this time to heal and when the XN comes to me....I will be strong enough to say "I have moved past you and do not ever contact me again". For me, this OW is a blessing because I need time to get HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone else tried this approach?

knoxy · Joined: 24 Jul 2007 Posts: 995

I've taken the "you are dead to me" approach, yes.

But honestly, I didn't have the OW in my face after I cut everything off. We had some correspondence in the beginning, but I chose to cut off all contact with her.

I cut off contact with pretty much everyone related to my exN. Again, dead to me.

But I was lucky enough not to have children with him. I can't imagine doing that - and having to share custody. You are doing SO WELL!

Grieving8484 · Joined: 10 Mar 2008 Posts: 56

I was just wondering...if the XN is using the OW to get back at you, whether it's to get over you for rejecting him, to fill some void he was feeling at the time, to get back at you to get a rise out of you...why do they still ask about you if you are "dead" to them?!?!..I thought I was at the beginning but then he started hoovering. I think for the most part because I never reacted negatively to him jumping into a relationship. I have a feeling that he used her to get back at me and finding that there was no reaction, I think he's slowing disposing her. Have any of you found this to be true?!?!

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

My experience has been that if the XN thinks he has ANY hope with you they will do whatever it takes to suck you back in. Once I was REALLY done, I was dead like a cock roach that needed to be smashed!
The OW is because my XN cannot be ALONE...In XN mind he is happy, in love, she is all that etc. XN created a picture and lives it!!!!!! No regard to me, child, mutual friends or anything. It is his path he can create...real or unreal IT IS WHAT HE BELIEVES TO BE REAL! Leaving a trail of other's shaking their heads in disbelief!
When you "get" that trying to convince them otherwise is like beating your head against a brick wall....you can start healing!

rebuilding · Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 33

once my N meet his OW I became dead too. The children and I mean nothing to this man. The only reason he would like to have a friendship with me is for appearances only. My N seems to last around 8 months with his women before he starts to devalue them. Was wondering how long any of your Ns last before the D&D process begins???

sarah81 · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 19

My D&D was after 8 months but his new OW has lasted 16 months so far and they are getting married. Makes me wonder if he IS actually happy or has just got better at wearing the mask...

Grieving8484 · Joined: 10 Mar 2008 Posts: 56

I ended it after just a little over two months because I knew I wasn't the only one...he would of kept me stringing along if he could. He actually committed to this girl a week after I told him I couldn't do this anymore so it was obvious she was in the picture (a night I spent with him his phone rang ALL night long)...he hadn't had a girlfriend in two years so this should be interesting...maybe he really loves her or I damaged his ego?!!? I'll never know....

Grieving8484 · Joined: 10 Mar 2008 Posts: 56

VERY UPSET!! Just got a call from the Ns brother (didn't look at the caller id)...told me that his mother called him to ask him if the N could be put on his softball team (yes, the 28 year old N has his mother call his brother to ask him this). Guess what the problem is?! My brother who despises the N is on the team (my brother and the Ns brother are very close friends). I have no idea how this came into play or why the hell he would go forth knowing how much my brother hates him and ask to be put on their team. He has NO other team to play on?! Their team has been the same guys for years....I also love going to those games to watch my brother play and I have a feeling the OW will be there cheering him on...just another thing that I'm not allowed to do because of my N!!! Why is he slowly coming back into play?!?!!?!? Asking about me, now getting on his brother's softball team that he never gave a crap about...and why all of a sudden is he acting like he doesn't care?! The Ns brother is completely fooled by him again (he goes back and forth but I guess it is his brother) saying "You're brother is my only friend that hates him and always has...everyone else LOVES him!!....He fears my brother..I've seen it in his face many times.....Do I let him win and just not show up because of him??! I'm really flipping out..I thought I would never have to see him again Sad

I've been doing so well!!