Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

morgansnanna · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 47

My NSTBHX was always jealous of our kids. I did not fully understand this until the last few years of our marriage. I now understand that they took away some of his NS.

I truely think because of this, he could not deal with having to share my time with a grand baby. Our kids had grown into adults, I believe he thought that would be the end of sharing me. He knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a grandmother. I often told him that I would be the same wonderful grandmother to my grandkids as my grandmother was to me. I know he had alot of resentment.

Living with him was like having another child.

Morgansnanna

Theresa13 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 1546 Location: , Ontario

Simply he owns them. Always, Theresa
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I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.

Liamo 722 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 77 Location: Ireland

Guys
I always thought it strange (wasn´t everything strange??)
My ex had 4 kids, he left the marriage, but had to see his kids all the time, like every other day. He was looking after them so his wife could work, he was basically the child minder and baby sitter??
I thought it was just him being a good father, but when I look back it WASN¨T normal for a seperated father to spend so much time with his children. I knew (being a parent myself!!) that there was no parenting going on here.
This is one of the ways he "hooked" the OW, she thought he was a wonderful father???? Rolling Eyes

Does anyone else thinks its abnormal for a seperated man to be
Taking his children to school every morning?
Picking them up from school every day?
Babysitting when his wife went out?
Talking to them on the phone and non stop texts.
Cancelling things with me to facilitate his ex wife, even to let her go shopping for a couple of hours??
I would like an opion guys, as I know happlily married men who don´t spend as much time with their kids as my ex did........and so people who didn´t know him thought this was very honourable what he was doing????? Shocked

Thanks guys
Liamo
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Sandy

Liamo 722 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 77 Location: Ireland

Guys
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Sandy

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

I know many men who are like this.....they are the ones who want back with their ex but carry on other relationships, lying to each about what is going on......they tend to go back and forth from the "wife" to the "girlfriends" depending on how they can manipulate.

I have several female friends who are either the "wife" or the "girlfriend" in these situations.
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"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

Liamo 722 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 77 Location: Ireland

Guys
Can anyone answer this for me.????
My ex left his marriage, he had 4 kids.
Looking back I found it strange (what wasn´t strange??) he had to see his children every other day. Is this normal for a seperated man.
He took his kids to school every morning?
He picked them up from school every day?
He babysat for the ex wife at least twice a week.
He cancelled plans with me all the time, to facilitate the ex even to let her go shopping for a couple of hours??
He was constantly calling the kids or texting them??, crying over them and talking about them, I once asked him if we could go away somewhere the for weekend and he said " Are you asking me to put you before my children???"
Being a parent myself....I knew there was no parenting going on with his kids, he was their childminder so his wife could work.
I know happily married men who don´t spend as much time with thier kids as this idiot was doing?? This was one of the ways he "hooked" the OW, she thought he was a terrific father, and devoted to his kids Rolling Eyes

Anyone who didn´t know him like I did thought this was very honourable of him to be so involved with his children?? : Sad

Any insights into this circus???
Hugs
Liamo
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Sandy

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

You are/were being "played".....see my previous post....
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"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

I see in children feigned innocence, relentless and ruthless manipulation, the cunning of the weak. They are ageless. Their
narcissism is disarming in its directness, in its cruel and absolute lack of empathy. They demand with insistence, punish absent-mindedly, idealize and devalue capriciously. They have no loyalty. They do not love, they cling. Their dependence is a mighty weapon and their neediness - a drug. They have no time, neither before, nor after. To them, existence is a play, they are the actors, and we all - are but the props. They raise and drop the curtain of their mock emotions at will. The bells of their laughter often tintinnabulate. They are the fresh abode of good and evil pure and pure they are.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal36.html

Also read these - click on the links:

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq22.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

Take care.

Sam

Dizzygirl · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 162 Location: UK

Xn told me that he hates kids. He told me that he never wanted any, which is just as well as he is a paedophile! Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a child or two that he never sees dotted around the country somewhere! Rolling Eyes

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Dizzygirl

miahawk · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 174

Isis · Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 20

Thanks for your replies so far.

Can anyone tell me what your N was like when you were discussing starting a family?
and also what he was like when you were actually pregnant?

Thanks,

Isis

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

My XNP made it clear (verbally) that he didn't want any more kids.... and he also made it clear by his actions, that he really didn't seem to wan't the one that he had. Wink

But it's funny when he sensed me pulling away, suddenly he started to speak as though "maybe he would be receptive to having another one"... Honestly I think it was just a ploy to smooth things over with me.

Cool

stillsmilen
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I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

sag07 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 537 Location: Elgin, IL

Isis

My (this was before we had children) told me something that I never really understood. She said "people help parents that have children". Well, my xN was always saying BS like that (see what a fool I am), So I just never gave it much concern, but now thinking back I see that she was willing to get pregnant and have a child for special treatment... I also believe (I think) that she knew that there are many government programs that help parents with children. In short she was thinking how to profit from having a child, not the joy and work that goes into having a baby! Which would explain why 4 out of 5 (three with me) children that she had, only 1 is with her today! When a child can't be used by her then that child is useless to her, How sick can that be????

Sag

pinkybubbles · Guest

my ex P wanted children- said it would bring us together- fell pregnant- he hit me in the stomach hard daily til i miscarried at 15 and half weeks- cried, said he was sorry, fell again, he hit me again, broke down crying after my 20 weeks scan- why hasnt this one died like the last- made me promise it would be a boy, if it wasnt a boy he promised hed kill me and the baby. raped me, threw a wardrobe and a pedestal fan at my head in my last 2 weeks of pregnancy. when i gave birth to a girl i begged and pleaded with him - apologised it was a girl- he tried to show the outside world he loved his little girl but didnt do a damn thing with her except kiss and cuddle her for 2 minutes a day to make him look good. threw us both out at 9pm, end of autumn, she was 4 months old- it will be 4 years on the 15th since he last saw her.

pinkybubbles · Guest

My x N is a different story to the ex p- he gets on very well with my daughter- so much so I have even suggested to him he was a paedophile- he was disgusted at the idea and I honestly don’t think he is- he loves kids and would like a few- when he’s been trying to contact me recently including last night he’s been saying its unfair for my daughter because he and her have a good rapport- they do but it is not good for her to have someone in and out her life as much as he has been for the past 3 years-