Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

thought I would start a new thread. What has been the BEST thing for you that has happened since you detached/defined borders, and/or went N/C?
(could use some hope this week)
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 496

So could I use some hope Oak.

I still live with them but I basically only sleep at home. I can't even eat meals here anymore so although not NC yet, I consider myself detached and planning for the future.

I'm still work in progress but I've learned to scrap like dog. And despite my insecurities and maladaptive ways I'm no longer a victim or a target. More importantly, detaching has awakened the senses and ignited the fire. The empowerment from feeling alive for the first time is overwhelming. I'm lost and I hurt but at least I'm doing it for myself and I feel tough as nails.

What a great idea for a thread! I was feeling so down tonight and I now go to bed in a positive frame of mind. I wish you a good week Oaktree and others.

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 374

1.No more dollar store items in the house, less clutter! Less reminders of them.
2. More room for my OWN thoughts.
3. No more worries about the holidays.
4. No more packing up and driving kids, who are always disappointed.
5. To have a healthy, supportive relationship with my sister.
6. To take care of my depression once and for all, without the guilt trip.

Just a few... thanks for bringing up the positive.

Smilin Fyodor · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 110

I might echo some of wlw's list:

1. Major holidays have been great!!! (other than Easter Argh posted on Nfathers and mothers -- it's all been great)
2. Took a family vacation with wife and kids (no, kidding. hadn't done that before NC other than to be guilted in to visits with relatives with my parents).
3. I sleep better, buy less anti-acid, and never worry how my actions will affect my parents.
4. Birthday's are way more fun (mine and my kids).

Wow. Thanks for this positive reminder.

lonnielynn · Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 247

I am comfortable in my own house that is the best part so far for me. I can crank up music that I like, or have silence, watch what I want on TV, eat whatever – whenever, have friends over and use the computer without being made to feel guilty. I am truly liking this part of the separation; however I do not sleep well after there has been contact.

Smilin
I stopped having daily headaches and indigestion. Took a week or so for me to even realize I was physically feeling better.

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

I love this!! I can echo these:

1) comfortable in my own house
2) do not dread having the phone ring anymore
3) less jumpy at times (thank God for small miracles)
4) enjoy no rotten family holidays (3) and looking forward to the next
5) taking care of myself without guilt
6) no dread of tiptoeing around when I have to say "no thank you" to some dumb old hand me down clothes, used makeup, gifts with stipulations, or horrible birthday plans I wasnt ever consulted about.
7) have lost weight simply due to less stress
Cool

starting to feel without feeling guilty for feeling
9) no verbal abuse or judgements about me and others-amazing!! I haven't been berated and havent heard anyone else be berated in over 5 months!!
10) more comfortable in my own skin
11) feel like I might be a worthwhile person after all
12) my kids dont have to deal with her BS and are happier and "GET IT"
13) the world is in technicolor now because I am not in a trance (not saying that some days are not gray and dark blue-but even that is better than before)
14) no criticism of my furnishings, the car I drive, the job I have, the jobs my sons have, the church I go to, the friends I have, the money I spend or dont, etc
15) feel like I can pursue my own interests
16) dont feel like I "owe" anything to her

I LOVE this!!! Lets keep going!!!
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

wlw--again--I laughed right out loud when I read that dollar store line you wrote. yours must have been a dollar store shopaholic!!
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

seekingserenity · Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 179

I would add:

No more hours or days of recovery time after having contact with them.

After an abusive call from Nmom or Nsis, or a crappy get-together or holiday with Ndad, it would take me the rest of the day, sometimes into the next day, to feel better.

With NC, there's no more of that reeling emotional upset, which was a result of the contact.

--Serenity

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

PEACE

No Drama - no chaos

No more expectations of me dropping my life to deal with their
identified crisis

I dont ever sit and try and figure out what someone meant when they
said _________ Normal people mean exactly what they say .

No more second guessing - I say what I think and feel and dont worry
about the reaction.

No more feeling - less than - flawed - not up to standards

I dont explain justify or defend anymore

I have learned to say NO and not feel guilty

I am Free from expectations / disappointments - theirs and mine.

Relaxing happy holidays and celebrations

Real friends who have genuine concern and regard for me

improved boundaries - less tolerance for inappropriate behavior

Awareness - red flags pulse in bright neon for me now

relief - I know that I am okay and it was them all along - YIPEE !!!!!
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

No more bad dreams.

No more unexpected visits from them

No more phone calls with my mother's voice on the other end...this is one of the best things. I would love to play her voice on my phone for you all. The sound of staged moaning, to make me feel guilty and ask her what's wrong.

No more invitations to their house for lunch on Sundays. These were all set ups for NS. This is where we received the most torture.

No more holidays lost, with them.

No more being told what I've done to them, to make them mad.

No more of my mother's jealousy

No more hyper vigilance worrying about what's next from them.

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

Great job, folks!! Any more?

I think my favorite thing is not wondering what it is that I am going to be expected to do next, without NO, without discussion, or without respect or consideration for my own needs. And not having to fight for everything so that I am not stepped on.

ps having trouble posting tonight. anyone else?
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama