Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

godspeed2007777 · Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 6:36 pm Post subject:

Please tell me more of the Dr. Hares book......God knows I have read almost everything else!!

Tears and Healing
Meaning from Maddness
In love and loving it or not
People of the lie
The sociopath next door

Tell me please what else I can read to RECOVER. Thinking of this man daily is ripping me to pieces. And the dreams...........thank God for a therapist.....

Please tell me about Dr. Hares book?

God bless you all ..

Sheila

godspeed2007777 · Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 3:03 am Post subject:

Thank You all so very very much! I just got back from the book store. Bought Dr. Hares book. Without conscience. Your right of my strength, it is only God given, and from the support I find here.

He has left me in psych wards, I got out and made a life again. He left town, lied his way into my heart, and took him back. Left me to fi=end for myself after a hurricane, I surrivived. Left me pregnant 2 times. Aborted (had to , long story there). I got through it.

I am going back to the Saturday meeting I love. I wear sunglasses, outside, and inside hte meeting I sit with him to my back. NO CONTACT. I yet still feel un-easy ladies...WHY why why am I drawn to such a liar, thief, cheat, manipulator. He always told me "If you were anyone else, I would walk away".

I have empathy for him and others like him for 1 reason. They will never know how to truely love. What a misserable life the P/N must have. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it. He sees himself as with no problem. Amazing!

Can anyone here tell me how to finally rid my mind of thoughts of him, elliminate him from the dreams, and stop my heart from "freeking" out when I see him. Damn! I know the truth......yet tell my heart and mind this. I need every word you say, and all suggestions you have. ...all of you.

God bles you , your not alone. It's so encourageing to know I finally have people who understand me! We really wear our frinds out when we discusss this stuff ya know? My buddy Joyce had one.....whew.......Please, please share your experiences with me, won't you all??

Please? I only hope I can help ya'll as you have helped me!

Sheila

Echo · Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 1:51 pm Post subject:

Hi Sheila, Glad you got that book, Dr Hare is the worlds leading expert on psychopathy I believe.

heres a link to his website.

http://www.hare.org/

Somewhere on line, there is also the definative writing on psychopathy by Hervey Cleckley - The Mask of Sanity. This man was writing about this almost 100 years ago and nothings changed! Its a free download. Ill see if I can find it for you.

http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm

Sheila wrote:

He always told me "If you were anyone else, I would walk away".

Potent stuff isnt it? I remember my xP saying to me "Echo, Ive GOT to have you". Like I was the only woman in the world. Its just a con to make us feel special Sheila. Once theyve done that, got us under their spell - they are in charge. I can see now that all I was was a posession, a tool, they dont see us as people - just objects.

You are a brave and strong woman to survive what you have. They offer us something that we want more than anything, they probe us for our innermost desires and pretend to be them - we become addicted. You are fighting an addiction to him here.

Go to your favourite meetings, come here, share and talk to members here, you aren't alone.

Most of all - try not to have any contact at all - even non-speaking contact is enough to get into our head's.

You are healing, you will recover, you will rebuild your life...dont pine for him Sheila - he is a lost cause.

You asked how long it takes to get them out of our heads - well, with no contact at all - Id say a year, maybe two depending on the abuse we endured. We never forget the experiences, but life gets better, and moves on. It levels out, and the colour comes back into it.

If we are still forced to see them, it will take longer, because its unresolved, and there are still reminders of the past.

Take care Sheila - post in any of the forums on here - people will understand and respond.

Echo.

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1380

Ditto, what Echo said!!!
_________________
NLHV

godspeed2007777 · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:36 am Post subject:

Ya'll are fantastic! May I ask a personal question to all of you though? even though we know the truth now, why is it so difficult to move on? I mean ya'll know the deal. The passion, the way they hooked us originally.

Never felt so in love in all my life with anyone. Damn the bad luck, it had to be a mirage! Heee-haaa. I am becomming stronger, yet have no idea why I want him to miss me... I know it's just a illusion he is running or trying to run. Rumor has it he's bored with his new supply. Oh poor Blake, too bad for him. ...he married her. Gotta love that! Generally I have a very loving heart, however in this case, I get great satisfaction turning down his stares, and sick tricks to lure me back. .....we are all worthy of the real passion and intimacy of conversation and physical intimacy God has prepared for us. ....

How did you all get him /her out of your minds though?? Even with NO contact, his footprints are all over my heart.....how did ya'll get better emotionally?

Smooches~

Sheila aka Godspeed

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1380

Sheila,
First I want to say that I am sorry that you have had to experience a person like this monster....then I would like to encourage you to understand that this woman he married is a victim, just like you were.

The thing about healing is that it is so individual, depending on what you have experienced with this person (I use the term person loosely) and the duration of the relationship. The other thing about healing from these monsters is that they give us what we need (like a drug that makes us feel good)...whether it is attention, making us feel good about ourselves, a "friendly" shoulder to lean on, etc. When they win our misplaced trust, they swoop in for the kill, leaving us weak, defenseless (at least at the time we feel that way), and in emotional chaos! Just like a drug for an addict, we become "addicted" to them...how they make us feel. Just like an addict, we need to go through the withdrawl process, which is the emotional pain and grieving of the relationship (illusion as it was). That is what we grieve...the loss of what "could have been." (See my poem of "If Only You Were Real, under Psychopath Poetry; it epitomizes these feelings). Once you work through this stage through the realization of what happened to you, what a liar he is, and the pain of it all, you will start to look for ways to take your life back...this is when the true healing begins. Before ANY of the above can happen, you must maintain NO CONTACT, which means absolutely no contact either in person, on the phone, through email, snail mail, or other people. Until you have implemented no contact, the healing process will not begin.

I encourage you to read other posts pertaining to this subject...there are many people on this board who give great (life-saving) advice and whom you can learn from. Also read all the information available to you on the main page of this site which will help give you more knowledge...and knowledge is power, and the first step toward taking your life back.

We are all here for you....best wishes!!!!
_________________
NLHV

Echo · Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:36 pm Post subject:

Hi Sheila,

Sheila wrote:
How did you all get him /her out of your minds though?? Even with NO contact, his footprints are all over my heart.....how did ya'll get better emotionally?

I dont know that they will ever fully go out of our minds, but with time and NC, the obsessive thoughts lessen. Its the way we think of them thats important. That happens when we aren't fully disengaged, like you so honestly say. Grieving the loss of what we thought we once had is very hard, its a process, it goes in cycles, and the way to start is NC. One day you will wonder what you ever saw in him. You won't care whether he has another woman or not, he will be irrelevant. Thats where you will be when you heal, thats where you will get your life back.

Its like NLHV says - until you can fully go NC, then he will be in your head - and you are so right - we all deserve better, and it is there for you as much as anyone. Obsessive thoughts are part of the stress reaction to the terrible things that have happened to you.

There is a part of you that doesnt want to let go of him yet - to let go of that dream. But if you let go of him - you can find dreams that won't hurt you, you can begin to heal yourself and move on to better and brighter things.

You say youve heard he isnt happy with the woman he married - that will be why he is trying to get your attention. Please don't give him an inch - he is a terribly dangerous man. He's already proved his credentials. My heart goes out to both you , and that poor woman. This man is very bad.

Talk to as many members as you can Sheila, we'll all try and help you break that addiction, we all know how it feels. You will be sitting there before you know it saying "Blake who? Oh yes - THAT loser!" You CAN do it - youve broken an addiction before - and thats totally awesome in itself!

You are losing nothing but pain by leaving him well in the past.
Take care - Echo.

godspeed2007777 · Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 4:30 pm Post subject:

Thanks again to all! Right now I am recovering from a Spinal Tap done yesterday. (But I missed you all, and needed the support). Again, he never did anything to me I didn't alow. We were togerther 7-8 yrs. During that time....

Walked on 2 pregnancies (1 of which were twins) Terminated both..( Still trying to forgive myself for htat).

Left me in a psych ward.

Overdosed and died, he went to Ocalla and cheated with his buddies fg.

Cheated 2 times. (The 2nd time I did NOT forgive him for, an dthat still stand today.

True about he was an addictin. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. Met him in 98. He had 16 yrs sober / clean. I had 6 months. ......

I don't feel sorry for myslef, just dissapointed I tollerated it so long. Alcoholism / drug addiction is a SYMPTOM of the REAL problem I have learned thru therapy.....

Co-depandence, low self esteem, abandonment issues etc.....

I hope with all my heart I can help you all as you have helped me. One time I went to a sociopath e-mail support line, but it was sociopaths only hotline. Mano -o-man!! They ripped me to pieces! Thousght it was going to be like here.......I chewed them up when I realized where I was. I told them exactly what they were, and that I pray for God to soften their conscience! Damn! They replied as though I just dumped holy wather on them! Heeeeeeee

Smooches
Godspeed

Echo · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 1:31 pm Post subject:

Hi Sheila, Hope you are feeling better after the Spinal Tap. I hear thats a nasty procedure.

I think your courage is awesome, you really are working to overcome so many terrible things. Keep working and keep learning and getting that support. You are a smart woman, so many people would not dare to look and learn like you have.

You are facing the past so openly and you are doing it with such honesty and dignity.

He sounds a really tormented man, and so impossible to live with. Im really sorry for the losses you have had to bear. Please try your hardest to forgive yourself.

Is he still sober now? There must be something intrinsically rotten to the core in him if he leaves two women in psyche wards - I'm shuddering at the torment you must have endured.

I didnt know that they had "psychopath support lines" Twisted Evil

- I bet they didnt like the chewing up! Wink

Echo

godspeed2007777 · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 3:33 pm Post subject:

Morning Echo!

Thanks for the encouragement! Feeling better after the spinal tap. Will find out the results (hopefuly) this week. Had 3 diagnosis of MS. Very difficult disease to diagnosis without ruleing out everything else first.

I am really not that strong Echo, just believe that sometimes the things we go through have nothing what-so-ever to do with us all .....could be so that we can be a light for others to find their way out of darkness as you all have been for me ya know?

Yes, Blake stayed sober / clean. I on the other hand tormented by emotions and illusions of my P / N made me give up. There is NO reason ever to drink if we are in fact alcoholic. I drank because I wanted to , and because I got into a relationship in very early sobriety had no tools to use to stop the insanity the preludes the first drink. I am back now 2/17/06.

One day at a time. It must be aweful to be born without a conscience.....Mine works overtime!!!! Heeee-haaa.

He chooses "new-commers to AA to control. It's called 13 stepping.

I have learned avery valueable lesson for the years I spent with him. I only hope I can help another as you have helped me. I look foreward to seeing replys from you al.l........sorry about misspelled words, too damn lazy to "proof read my e-mail" sent out.

Affectionately...........

Godspeed (Sheila)

Echo · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 2:28 pm Post subject:

Hi Sheila, Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better from the Tap, and hoping you get your diagnosis quickly, its no fun waiting around for something like that I know. Ive had a brush with waiting for diagnoses myself - scared me witless! Smile

Awesome job with stopping drinking again. Isnt it amazing how he has managed to stay sober all that time, and yet is still at the meetings controlling newbies - thats pretty sinister isn't it? Doesn't help them much I can imagine?

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/viewforum.php?f=5

Heres the link to the main P forum, come on over and join everyone anytime you like. Echo.