Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

mocca469 · Joined: 07 Jul 2007 Posts: 1

Dear Dr V
This is quite long but I'd really appreciate your valued opinion. I've discovered just recently that I have strong reason to believe that my ex-husband is an N - he displays many of the characteristics and has treated my very badly throughout our 15 years together. He did me the favour of leaving me 6 months ago (although at the time I would have done anything to make him stay) and knowing now that he has NPD is making it much easier to move forward.

BUT, I have one major concern and that is our 7 year-old daughter. Despite his other narcissistic traits, he's always appeared to be a particularly good and attentive father in that he appears to love her very much, has always spent a great deal of time with her (he in fact was a stay-at-home dad while I went to work) and she loves him totally and thrives on the relationship. She lives me with me but he sees her 3-4 times a week and she always comes back happy. I've just come across your description of a type of N parent who monopolises new-borns to get NS and this is exactly what he did; he even managed to convince me I was an inadequate mother and didn't know how to bring her up - only he did. So I'm very confused and not a little bit concerned about his relationship with her.

Any tips on what to be aware of and how to deal with it? ps something you may find relevant is that he already seems to have established a new family with a single mother with a daughter the same age as mine (he's made sure they're friends so he can be friends with the mother) and also he fathered another child through sperm dontation 7 years ago when I was pregnant and didn't tell me. This child has always been in our lives and is a great friend (as well as half-sister) to my child - he made sure he encouraged the relationship. I had always been led to believe that the child's father was an anonymous sperm donor but he finally told me last year that it was his, presumably because he'd realised that as both children knew that he was the father, the game would soon be up.

Many thanks for your time.

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the
links:

How Can I Save My Child from the Narcissist or Psychopath?

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

Narcissistic Parents

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq5.html

Parenting - The Irrational Vocation

http://samvak.tripod.com/parent.html

Leveraging the Children

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

Tell Your Children the Truth

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

The Narcissist and His Family

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq22.html

The Cult of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html

Narcissist, Beware the Children

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal36.html

The Narcissist as Eternal Child

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal92.html

The Inverted Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

Intimacy and Abuse

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

The Narcissist is Looking for a Family

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal5.html

Adolescent Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/case01.html

Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal22.html

The Delusional Way Out

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal42.html

The Development of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq25.html

The Dual Role of the Narcissist's False Self

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html

The Roots of Pedophilia

http://samvak.tripod.com/pedophilia.html

The Butterflies are Laughing

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/butterflies-en.html

Janusz Courts Dina

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/janus-en.html

Take care.

Sam