Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

ohgal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 129

Everyone~
I know we are all dealing with N's here...but I am nervous about my trial on Thursday. I can use any good advice, thoughts, prayers or whatever. The main thing I am nervous about the the unknown! I have NO IDEA what N will say about me. He will be much more at ease in a court room than I am as he is a cop and is used to testifying.
How do I relax these next 2 days?? ANyone??

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

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livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 942

Oh Gal, best wishes to you. I hope your court date provides some solutions or at least direction in your case. I still don't think your case necessarily belongs in the courthouse -- maybe with a special master or case manager. Of course I hope the N is exposed for what he is during court. I hope you have a Judge smart enough to realize that N's behavior to you in front of your d is abusive and not in d's best interest.

May justice prevail. I pray you get a good judge and that your attorney rises to the occassion. Don't forget your power underwear. Bring a good friend or supportive family member with you if you can. Be prepared to do a lot of waiting, be prepared to hold your tongue a lot. I find it difficult to remain silent when the N lies in court. Don't be surprised if you have yet another continuance.

You might want to review Nancy's post "first time in court." Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Always expect the unexpected with an N. If you have this in mind, don't panic when he springs something on you. Analyse it and answer it in a cool, collected manner. If you need time to answer it, say so. If it is something entirely new to the case, in U.K. you can classify it as inadmissible evidence. Don't, even look at N, address your answers straight to the judge if you can. Don't let N's attorney rattle you, keep as calm as you can.
Best wishes
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Sailor

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

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NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1307 Location: Connecticut, USA

OhGal, I have no experience with trial. I have only been to court for special masters so far, but I'll be thinking of you on Thursday, and during the time leading up to it. You'll be fine. No matter what he says or does, know that you are right. The truth is on your side. And breathe.

1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

OhGal, it will be okay. I had a two day trial in 2005. I have been on the stand many times since 2003 and N has been on the stand many times since 2003. Something that I have learned to calm me (shared by someone else who went thru a traumatic divorce) was to put both your hands in your lap and to remove stress in court massage the palm of one of your hands with fingers from your other hand. Stay calm and cool and DO NOT react to N. They will try to bait you and make you angry and stuff, but do not react. Think carefully about your answers before they come out of your mouth and take your time and breathe. If you do not know something or your memory is sketchy, say so. Be honest, because the N is trying to catch you in a lie. N WILL lose it, especially if there is a single person on the stand (yourself included) who says ANYTHING negative about N. They just cant stand that and come unglued.
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survivor

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

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Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

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ohgal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 129

Thanks for the great advice everyone. I am ok, believe it or not...N came to pick up D this a.m., and kept asking her where the dog was. Apparently, he had something to give her, but D just kept walking out to his car, and I closed the door before the dog could sneak out! Hopefully, today is the last time N will ever come to my house, as I expect the GAL to approve my request for a "neutral" pickup/dropoff location.
Yes, I have paperwork in order, clothes are ironed and laid out and I know how I'll wear my hair (up and simple...the way N hates it!!)
I'll post tomorrow..keep me/D in your thoughts!
THANKS everyone!!!! The advice I've gained here is invaluable...

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

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1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

Summer you are sooo right!! Only 3% of divorces go to trial, and guess WHO the 3% are??!!! US, the ones with the Ns!! Only the sickos (and their victims) make problems with the court system and trials and stuff!!

((((((((hugs to everyone here))))))))
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survivor

ohgal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 129

Well, I'm back and it's done. It wasn't fun to say the least....N showed up actually wearing his sunglasses INSIDE the courthouse. He then sat down and talked to some random stranger about how screwed up the system is, and how women get the advantages. (He knew I was within earshot).
ANyways, you know how it is..hurry up and wait. We were supposed to go in fron of the Judge at 10:30 and it was 1 p.m. before anything happened. It was all atty's talking before that. The GAL was trying to get N atty. to "reason" with N, but no luck. N wanted it all...
To make a long story short...in the chambers, N went on and on about me and how I am "obese" (not even close) and making D like me. He went on and on about how unfair our current transportation system is and actually had graphs to show how much gas $$ he spent each week. He asked to be reimbursed! LOL!
Long story short...the current parenting plan stays the same this year with the exception of me having to split the mid week visitation drive (N currently does both pickup/dropoff), BUT I finally got my neutral exchange location! I am happy about that. No more N confronting me in my own driveway! Next year, N gets D for a mid week overnight and takes her to school the next day (not crazy about that, but it is standard here). He also gets St. Patrick's Day every year (he is all of a sudden a "devout" Irish Catholic and insists D goes to Mass and the parade each year regardless of school obligations...NOT crazy about that either)
The GAL did talk to him about controlling my time and the nasty emails he sends me...who knows if this will be it...I am waiting for his next motion.
Oh yeah, N is declaring bankruptcy before the year ends. He says he is broke. Will he stop at nothing???
I am going to bed...I am exhausted and keep hearing N's voice resonating in my head saying " I LOVE MY Daughter and SHE (me) isn't interested in what is best for D" UGH....

1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

Sunglasses??? IN the court room???!!!! LOL that is sooo funny!!! Laughing

The Ns NEVER compromise, so I am not surprised he would not deal with the GAL. They WANT all the drama!!

He said you were "obsessed" or obeese (as in fat)??

I bet the judge got a smile when he wanted to be reimbursed for gas to see your D!! How cheep!!
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livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 942

Oh Gal,

Time is on your side. ExN will continue to show his true self to GAL. Hang in there.