Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

nrsegurl · Joined: 30 Mar 2008 Posts: 1 Location: South Carolina

Hi everyone...I am new here.

I left my husband a month ago. I waited for him to go to work one night and I took our son and left. I have since then spoken with 2 psychiatrists that I work with and they both said the same thing when I described his behavior and actions...NPD. Since then I have read about it and it fits him.

We had a great courtship. He took me back to this waterfall we had hiked to to propose to me. He treated me like gold...did special things to make me feel special. We got married just over 3 years ago. We bought a house and I got pregnant...then the horror began. When I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant and starting to really show...he changed. I remember being 6-7 months pregnant and lying in bed trying to go to sleep because I had to work the next day. He came into the doorway and started yelling at me. I don't remember what he yelled...I just remember the feeling of pure fear. I was wondering how I would raise this baby on my own. Then our beautiful son was born...and he is cuter than most...thank God because otherwise I honestly think it would be worse for some reason for him.

My husband was in school and gone a lot for our son's first year. When he was home he would walk right past him and totally ignore him. Our son's first year of life was Grandma and me taking care of him. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression after 5 months and started medication. This is when my husband got really bad toward me. He told me I didn't give him the attention he deserved and he had an affair. He then blamed me for the affair for the before mentioned reason. There was never any support of me. The threats started. He threatened to take our son and run. Then the violence came. He threw things at me and smoked in the house with our son there. When the affair was confirmed a few months later...he was apologetic...but it was still my fault. He said he would do anything to make it right...what a lie! He'd stay out all night and nothing changed. I eventually had him removed from the house for abuse...much to his mother's dismay. She has always been too involved in his life.

We separated 4 months then he promised to go to counseling and back to AA. He never did either. He had finished school and now thought we needed a better house. We bought a house that was way beyond our means and started over as a family. That lasted 4 months and the violence and threats started again. He would put our son in between us...now 21 months old...and yell at me. Knowing I would walk away. I would never do that to my son. When I told him I wanted to talk to him he'd say he was not going to talk to me. Then he started bashing in doors and throwing things and breaking dishes again. I made a decision. I could not live in the fear of what he would do or say next and I especially coud not have my son there.

I sometimes think the lies are the worst part. He would lie about ANYTHING not matter how minute to see what he could get away with. he had to have the bigger, better car and house. And as I said, if our son were actually not cute , I think he would have left him long ago. The bashing of other people to make himself look better. The arrogance. The constant literal words of "I am in control here." Him telling me he was raising our son and I was just helping. The threats to take him away. All of this because I went to lunch with a friend. that started it all. His insecurities rose up.

I left and took my salary with me. I feel I was nothing but a bank account to him. He hated it that I made more money...often telling me he would never be able to make what I did and that stunk...well, he often used other words that are not appropriate here. Now our house is facing foreclosure and my perfect credit is facing a blemish. He often told me to leave that he could pay for the house (arrogance). When I asked how he would tell me it was none of my business. So in the paperwork I gave him tha house...knowing he could not pay for it.

I just wanted my son and I safe. I am only a month out of this. I am a nurse and I have read many things about it. i have educated myself. But the emotions are different. You can't educate yourself out of them. You just have to walk through them...and the fear. I am grateful that I do not have to sit at home wondering when he is going to come home and what is he going to say or do. I now know taht I was right and he did think it was all about him. His needs, his wants. I often told him my input was never heard or valued so why did he bother asking. He would do and buy anything he wanted. He still does. I think it is funny that he has a whole new wardrobe and takes our son on expensive trips to show what a good daddy he is...than asks me for money to pay his bills. He always had to try to one up me with our son...after the first year that is. I bought simple clearance shoes he would go buy an $80 pair. He now thinks taking our son to the aquarium or zoo makes him a good dad.

I had to really look at myself after this. Because that type of competition had gone on for a while. I had to look at what I thought made me a good mom...because I had been told I was a bad one over and over. I think at this age...23 months...it is important to be present and to let them know they are safe and you are not going anywhere...and most of all that they are loved. My son is so awesome. I just feel bad for him. Right now daddy loves him because at 23 months it is all about mommy and daddy. But the psychiatrist says that as he gets older and expresses himself my husband will become nonexistent. And so far what he told me my husband would do..he has done. But my son will ALWAYS have me .

This has been therapeutic. Sometimes I just have to affirm to myself that I am doing the right thing. I was so confused and scared for so long.

Thanks for listening.