Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

pinkybubbles · Guest

My ex told me both of his aunts had died young- one certainly had- the other- well she went on to have 2 children and we attended the oldest childs christening- I never asked him why he has told me she was dead- I thought hed deny saying it-

Hope · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

the lying to me has been the most crazymaking part of the whole p experience. imo it cannot be explained by them just covering up their bad behavior or for the enjoyment of fooling people. i think there is some real disconnect there that we can't understand. i don't have the links but there are some studies about brain structure and pathological lying you can google if you are interested

xp's son lied all the time to his father. xp would tell me about how his son lied to him. he was infuriated at this like "does he think i'm stupid?" he went on and on about it many times. i didn't know anything about p's at the time but my jaw dropped the first time he discussed this with me because we had had some serious problems with his outrageous lying, and he knew i knew he had lied to me (or at least it had come up...i don't know if things like that register in reality in his p brain). i was absolutely floored that he would discuss his son's lying with me. i wanted to scream "ya, i know how infuriating it is" and "i wonder where he got it?"

it was just so odd. i know if i had been busted about lying to him (or ayone) you can be damn sure i wouldn't be going on about how so-and-so was a liar, you know?

DebsUK · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Guess!!!!! :)

IMO...They lie cos they are actually boring...I know they seem exciting in the begining..but after the initial phase my XN/P was a real bore...so lying makes them seem more interesting..and keeps us addicted to their promises which are all lies.

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Debs Smile

"Normal rules of conduct don't apply with N's and P's"

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

My XNP was so smooth, I had no idea he was lying to me.. For a year and a half!!! Shocked

When I discovered he was a NP, I began to check out his claims and stories, and realized he was a pathological liar, who had been lying to me all along.

Once the 'lightswitch' was turned on.. As I replayed the r-ship in my head (A million times) I began to doubt everything he ever told me, I finally had to stop thinking about "just how many things were probably lies".

Because it is crazymaking stuff.

Cool

stillsmilen
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I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2429

They lie because they dont know what the truth is........ Silly thing is I once said to my exN when I was in the thick of it..... I can tell when you are lying cause your forehead wrinkles up..... LOL Now I think back when his forehead wrinkled he was probably telling the truth and got all confused......

pinkybubbles · Guest

Raspberries · Guest

I could always tell when my ex was lying because of the look on his face, it just changed. There was bullsh!t written all over it. He lied about SO much stuff, especially about his previous relationships. They were BIG lies to. He has lied to his new fiance and told her that I made a pass at him and tried to kiss him after they met, when infact HE did that!.

So many things ae just lies when I look back, he is even lieing about looking after our son for the first 6 months to his lawyer!. He was working fulltime! Shocked

. I plan on getting his employment records to prove his lies. Can't wait to see the look on his face!.

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Canada

To this day, over 18 months of nc, I still wake up remembering all of the things he said and did to me. In fact, this past week end I woke up and the only thing that I could think about was an incident that happened nearly 6 years ago. It is almost like the brain is allowing me to remember ever so slowly and only one thing at a time. When I relive these things, it brings on the anger and mostly at myself for not having left sooner or for being so stupid as to not have caught on at the time. Boy was I naive. I guess that has something to do with why I am so slow in my recovery. Why did I take it??????
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Caroline

susan · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 4 Location: wales

sweet caroline, that it what I am going through. Memories just pop into my head, stuff he did and said. I also think, it is the healing process going on. Slowly, so that it can be dealt with by us without overloading our systems, I just read on another post that this forgetting is a symptom of stress.
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Let me but live my life from year to year with forward face and unreluctant soul

Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

My X-P husband didn't directly lie, he just held back information, and that's the same as lying. When I would ask him a direct question, such as is there another woman involved, he would say that has nothing to do with us (which it did), I don't love you anymore and I'm moving on. Of course then when he came back he suddenly DID still love me, and he used her for a place to live. Lying or withholding the truth is the crazy making thing that kept me there, I do believe that, I kept knowing he was lying, but I could never catch him. The last time I asked about another woman (3 months ago yesterday), he said that's not it, we are never going to work out, but that's exactly what it was. The only person he's lying to is himself and the new woman. It makes me get sick to my stomach to think about it.

Kathryann

Cookie1 · Guest

I agree completly with Debsuk...My xp WAS boring Laughing

Horribly boring Laughing

Not sure if thats why they lie or if because they are also bored with themselves..get into trouble...and then lie Laughing

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2429

They also lie to create dramas in there lives...... When things get a little boring they tell a big fat lie so that everyones lives are back up in the air and they sit back geting one hell of a lot of NS!!

head spinning stuff guys.....lol
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'The Best reaction is no reaction'

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

Narcissists and psychopaths lie compulsively - click on these links:

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal23.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal59.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal75.html

Take care.

Sam

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1380

JJL,

I think we all have gone through that...especially those who have been P free with NC for a while. It is also something I have examined about myself during therapy sessions. I realized he took the things that were loving and caring about me, positive qualities, and used them against me. It doesn't make these qualities bad, it just makes me vulnerable to people like him. I now know that I need to be aware of this in my interactions with others. I also found that I have been easily manipulated by family members as well, and have learned how to put a stop to that. I was not aware of this in myself until I was victimized by the P and now see when I am being "victimized" or "used" by others. It hasn't been positive in the relationships because once I quit giving to those who manipulate me, the relationship changed and they moved on to using someone else.

I also realized, through playing the conversations over and over in my head, where he dropped clues that told me he was up to no good and I just let it slide because I wanted so much to believe in him. That was the problem...I WANTED to believe in him SO MUCH that I lost ALL OBJECTIVITY. So I learned through this experience that if I am doing most of the work in the relationship that there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with that and I need to reevaluate what is happening.

So I think it is a normal part of healing to realize that there were clues that he dropped along the way and to beat ourselves up about why we allowed it to happen. They have a sort of "power" over us that is hard to explain, and they abuse that power and use it against us...that is NOT our fault. So don't be hard on yourself. Just use this experience to learn about yourself and the dynamics of your relationships...change what you can, recognize what you can't, and move on with your life.

Wishing you the best in your healing...
NLHV
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NLHV