Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

apsychgirl · Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

Hello All:

I am a new member to this board and am quite excited to find folks like me. I have posted my story on other websites so don't feel the need right now to dredge it all up. But what I do feel is a kinship with all of you.

I just don't understand why it took so long to find you. I had no idea that such diagnosis existed. I was the one with all the labels, conveniently for THEM but now realize that the Identified Patient in the family is sometimes the sanest one! I am not one to label other people, but they labelled me so why not finally get inside of their heads (the FAMILY) and figure them out. It is a wacky situation. The danger in labelling others is that we don't see the stuff within ourselves if we do that exclusively. The damage of growing up with a psychopath (my father) and a narcissit (my deceased mother) is that we become crazy too. The whole family becomes sick. So, I'm not so keen on labels as it is dehumanizing, but in the case of my family I'm all for it, because they had me be the crazy psych girl. With the gaslighting techniques, the brainwashing strategies, the Stockholm syndrome, the denial, the lies, the secrets and all the attempts (most successful) to cover it all up, they never had to really worry about me again.

I was committed by my family (mother, father and one sister) to a psychiatric institution in 1977 after telling my parents the truth was going to come out about them one day. I did many things to fight back but the legacy of the psychiatric labelling did it's job. Psychiatric abuse is absolutely the worse gaslighting technique that exists by perps and psychopaths. Dr. Peter Breggin talks about it in Toxic Psychiatry.
I am taking a risk by putting this psych history out there with total strangers I haven't met, but let's see if you can get past the stigma and treat me like a human being, which I am. People do not have a clue as to what happens in psych wards, then it's victims come out and become social pariahs and lepers. It is absolutely a form of moral rape.

My father is an old man now. He will never spend a day in jail. You can thank the mental health system for that. He got away with it all. My mother died recently. She got away with it too.

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1467 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear Girl,

I am not sure why no one aswered your post here, but I hope you are still checking back.

Welcome to the board, and your comments are very valid. Labeling the only "sane one" in the family "crazy" is a way for them to remain in control, and many times "fighting" these people seems to make you "appear crazy" because of the gaslighting.

I hope you are well, and that you still check back. God bless.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1767

Hi psych girl and welcome.

When and if you feel ready to tell your story, please do so. You might find the following link helpful:

When I was working through family of origin issues I found John Bradshaw's work ("healing the shame that binds you") helpful, though I must admit I didn't have to work through the-what sounds like- extremely painful events that you've experienced.

http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/tshame.html

Let us know how you are doing.

Matilda
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It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life!

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 682

I am sorry that I did not see this earlier. I am usually down on the mother @ fathers board. I am glad to see you here...

justmee

jorrel · Joined: 13 Sep 2007 Posts: 4 Location: st cloud

To have endured being committed by fam sick (sicker) than you. I can't even conceive of the anger your poor body must harbor I hope you can surrender this pain through some outlet. Yep they play the crazy card on you. How can I protect myself from others? I have sought treatment for depression la la la la forever! None of them will... But even an altercation at a bar the police can label me cuz I am in the sysytem as having taken meds before. I was told to get a med alert bracelet or an attorney or both... Where ever you are Peace Girl!
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Evil can prevail only as long as the Good do nothing.. -Something like that! Smile

joni · Joined: 16 Sep 2007 Posts: 1

Hi, I just joined this site yesterday. I am so sorry for what you went through. You must be an incredibly strong person.

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1467 Location: Arkansas USA

First, welcome Joni. I hope you find peace and healing here.

One of the things I studied in College about "family roles" (concerning the "identified patient" or the "identified problem child") is that frequently in a dysfunctional family, members are assigned "roles" to play and they fall into this "script."

Johnny is the family "bad boy" and Frank is the family "good student" and they play their roles out well, keeping the family in predictable chaos.

Little Sam is just a small kid, not yet assigned a strict role in the family.

Mom is the "strict mother" (harshly punishing Johnny and doting on Frank, and pretty well ignoring Sam, the switching around and bailing Johnny repeatedly out of trouble, and playing abig game of "oh, poor me, look what I have to put up with)

Daddy is the "bread winner" (working 12 hour days 6 days a week). That way he is always too tired to interact with mother or the kids, and feels "put upon" because he has no "fun" in life, he is a martyr for his family, sacrificing all his time to buy them things that they don't appreciate.

These "roles" are stable unless something happens to Johnny and there is no "family bad boy" to fill the role. Sam will probably be "commissioned" to fill this role and most likely he will "fall into the family script and assume it." If tht doesn't work, then Frank will start on drugs and start to fail in school.

If mom were to die, dad would probably remarry a "replacement" for her, or he would assume the role of "strict father/rescuer father" with mom gone.

These dysfunctional families have to have "someone to blame" and keep the family focused on that so that it doesn't become apparent to them just how dysfunctional they are...it is always the "fault" of the "identified trouble maker role." (or the "identified patient" or "crazy family member") and it is to the "stability" of the entire family to FORCE the person to assume their roles.

I realize that legitimate mental illness is REAL, but depression and desperation, and other things can also be "stress induced" as well. In a healthy family, the person would be "treated" lovingly not "just labeled" and discounted and assigned a "role."

When I was studying this "family role" theory, I had an "ah ha" moment about my own family, and when my grandmother died, I saw my mom do a 180 degree shift and become the "family enabler"--but more harsh than my grandmother had been.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

amused · Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 1

Do you feel like this?