Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Shania73 · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 37

Hi there,
Im new to this site too,,, I understand your rage and frustration.

I dont have a lot of advice as I am dealing with mine too, but my divorce is over and done with, and that was the toughest time of my life, it took 3 yrs!

Now Im on the end of custody and visitation and so I see your son is 17 so you are very fortunate on that end to almost be done as a parent legally to operate in conjunction with him, that is where my hell is right now.

I know it doesnt make it all better, but know you are NOT alone.

Do you have an outlet for your rage? The gym, physical exercise? Its really important because it eats you up and is consuming (believe me I know!)

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

consumedbyrage · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 4

thanks for your response shania. Ironic, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but somehow it helps to know I'm not alone. I haven't been working too hard at finding an outlet. Somehow it seems like if i let it go, it's sending him the message that it was ok....I know, i know...i'm still drinking the poison waiting for him to die from it....but i appreciate your kind words, and so sorry for what you're dealing with as well

NPDS · Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 59

Hi CBR...

I have no way been through almost 2 decades of N experience, although in my experince you have some good eggs and some right heals too.

N's are definately an entity unto themselves.. I've never talked or bored friends so much as I have with my 6 year encounter with an N. I also have a child with the nugget, although my little girl is only 3.

It's like a lost few chapters in life, in my case, early on, loosing my soul. I've since dated, and in my case, when I date the pain gets better, it may not be the right relationship and we're just having a good time, but it's been a great bench mark on what is and is not acceptable.. I'm 40 in a few months btw, Ex N will be 48 next month. Age is all relative.

This man has tried to strip you of you and your soul. He wasn't worthy of either. He wasn't able to comprehend either, you hoping to have met your soulmate, let yourself believe he was worthy of you. HE WAS NOT.

You as we all have, believed in what they projected.. We all got caught in that one and are still all recovering, hence our solus in being here on this site.

You've logged on and read over the past year, hopefully with being a member and logging on and sharing your thoughts and getting responses to these thoughts. They will heal you.. Slowly but surely you'll get there. You have to believe it, as you convinced your self it was true love, you can convince yourself that you made a mistake, a dreadful, I know it seemed real, nothing like you've experience before, but it wasn't real.

That freak isn't worthy of your positivity or negativity. He just isn't worthy of you. That is all there is to it !! I know you want him to feel the pain he put you through. He wouldn't know it if it hit him in the face, too self effacing these people.

Slowly be yourself again, enjoy your son, enjoy being you.. read and understand.. which you probably have done already. Posting is a great healer I've found.. Do that as often as you want, share experiences thoughts and advice, that is also a great healer, and also helps another...

I promise time will heal it all. Just stay strong

x

looking for answers · Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 1 Location: Vancouver Island BC

Hi Consumed

Oh my gosh! You have the nick name I am dealing with. I am so consumed with rage I am obsessed and blinded by it right now. I cannot function. All I can think about is revenge of some sort. Legal of course. But I hate him so much I feel like I am going to literally explode when I think of what he did to me. This psycho abused me for 5 years, and then when Ihad finally had enough, when I fought back and defended myself, he ran to the police station, gouged his own neck up, and claimed that I attacked him and had me arrested. I spent a humiliating night in jail and then he forced a no contact order on me and evicted me and my 9 year old son out of our home. Then to add insult to injury he closed all our bank accounts, stole my savings, and held my stuff hostage including my son's toys for 3 months until I borrowed $20K from my aging parents to get into court. I am beyond raging!! He then slanders my character around town and tells our mutual friends and neighbours I am having an affair with my ex husband, because i had nowhere else to go, and then he tells them, after my charges were dropped, that I am going to jail for 2 years. I went to court and got some spousal support, as I was doing in home daycare, and finally possession of our home, but he has stolen so many things off me and refuses to make me a copy of my kids' photos from the last 6 years. I feel like I am going insane. I am popping anti depressants like pills, I do not sleep or eat. I have lost 15 lbs and I am a basket case. This man was my husband. I hate him so much all I do is cry and scream and this happened in January. I am no better now than I was then. I have been to counseling but it doesn't help my rage and disgust and feelings of being so utterly and horribly betrayed. All our friends think he is so nice and normal and I am the crazy one. I feel like he is driving me crazy. He is the supreme gas lighter if there ever was one. As well, he is an airline pilot for Air Canada so everyone thinks there is no way this charming, cool , collected seemingly caring guy could ever abuse his crazy wife!!!!!!!!! I let him do so much to me and never told anyone yet he turns around and betrays me in the most disgusting ways. He continues to betray me as he assasinates my character around town. I am too humiliated to even show my face at my son's school now. I don't think I will ever get over this. I don't think I will ever trust anyone again. My only comfort is that I have his two ex wives on my side and their stories are so similar to mine. Strange how there is relief in that and validation that I am not crazy. I am filled with a blind rage that I don't think anyone except a survivor of this kind of sick monstrous person could possibly understand. When you said you were running out of reasons not to kill the soulless pig, I was so there with you. I am so there. I never knew I could feel such rage and hatred toward someone. He locked me out of my house all the time, he threw me down stairs, he pushed me into walls, he insulted me all the time, called my family behind my back and bad mouthed me, threw things at me, threw my dog out of the house and many other atrocious things yet I get arrested. The day they arrested me I had bruises all over me and they wouldn't even look at them!!!!!!! I thought I was going to go insane. He ran to the police station and had an hour to bias the officers before they came to my home, and I was the one that called the police!!! It is insane what these psychopaths can do. Thankfully I have a restraining order on him but I am still very afraid of him. I am so devastated all I do is cry and scream. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Thank god for my parents letting me move in with them with my son or we would be homeless. I plan to perfect my affidavit and after I get my settlement some choice people will be getting a copy. I never knew that another human being could be this evil. Thanks for listening and good luck to you.

2good4him · Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 1

There's something to the fact that he holds such a responsible job that others tend not to believe you, Looking. My ex is also an airline pilot. Friends tend to hold him in high esteem, as they would a heart surgeon. Why, he could never do all the things she said he would, so that means she is the crazy one. It's beyond frustrating. I don't have any answers for you, just wanted to let you know I hear you, loud and clear.

Mum_Greenwood · Joined: 22 Jun 2008 Posts: 3

My step father, held down a well paying job and owned a pathology practice at one stage. He wears expensive business suits and travels interstate, via business class, often to give lectures. He would occasionally be generous with gifts, to me, when he knew people were watching, to keep up the "I'm such a nice guy" persona. When my mother was on her death bed, I looked after her, whilst he spent days in his home office, working. (Instead of taking some time off to care for his wife - he had enough money to take time off, but I enjoyed that I had that time with mum). He would ask mum to ask me to make a coffee for him and bring it in to his office (saying that he had to get back to work and didn't have time). I would make the coffee and he would grab my breasts and tell me how "nice" they were, practically drooling. *DISGUSTING PERVERT* I would just put the coffee on his desk and leave straight away. (I guess he knew I wouldn't say anything to my mother, because she was dying). Later, I would say to my mum, "He's a grown man, he can get his own coffee". She knew something was up, but being a narcissist (right up to the end) she got annoyed with me. I told my Uncle, but he didn't believe me because "*E* is such a nice guy, he would never do something like that". If *E* was such a nice guy, then why did he start dating 2 months after my mum died and marry 10 months after my mum died. *E* also chucked most of mum's stuff very quickly to make way for the next woman. People still stand up for him??? Eh???

The psychopath *K* that I married, years ago, never had an interest in our daughter. Last year, DD decided to find him. Then he showered he with gifts, was charming etc., etc.. There are no rules at *K's* place, *K* and his relatives would give DD up to $200 per week in pocket money and DD was allowed to swear/cuss. DD was 14yo at the time, and decided that she wanted to live there. The family law court ruled that she was allowed to stay with him and I would have visitation (because of her age they said that she could make the decision). Well,.......once *K* had those papers he changed completely. *K* started locking DD in his flat when he went out and left he no keys, he would also take the phone with him so, she couldn't call anyone (me, her friends, anyone). He would force her to get drunk, so he could molest and rape her and tell her to take his medication for aggression. *K* would tell DD that she had the psychological disorder and that she was the one with the problem, so she should take his medicine.

Now, we have an intervention order out on *K*. In this country it means that he can't be within 200m of either of my kids. As, at least, one of them is near me at sometime, that means he can't come near me either. We have to go back to court (Family Law) and I have to get papers signed stating that he is not allowed near DD. Then we have to go to trial, pressing charges on *K* for sexual assault/rape.

I'm hoping that the fact that *K* has no friends other than people on the internet and can never keep a job, will work in our favour. (No witnesses). Of course, his family do pay people to do things for them. So a guy that *K* has never met, will probably pretend to be his friend and a witness. *K* has teamed up with *W* (my biological father- they are like 2 peas in a pod- absent fathers, psychopaths etc.).

I go to church, so I have oodles of people who would happily get up on the stand for our side.

Psychopaths play on those who are vulnerable, they like to keep you vulnerable. They like to leave you questioning your own mind. So many people on this site, understand you. You are not alone. We believe you. Next step, be brave, believe in yourself. It was a long road for me, but I am confident and strong. I will fight with every last breath that I have. This is not what they (psychopaths) expect you to do. They think that you will stay crushed and not do anything. I am going to court and won't stop fighting until *K* is behind bars and then my only words for him will be "Don't drop the soap". Laughing

Justine · Joined: 02 Jul 2008 Posts: 6

Reason not to kill him: You will go to jail. You think he's suffering when he's dead? He's not. If you believe in some sort of magical fantasy like hell, just think of how well he'd get on with the devil. But more likely than not you just ended his thought processes, which won't much matter to him anymore. You, however, will be miserable for 25-life. And that makes it a bit hard to see your kid.

Honestly? Just tell yourself you have something he doesn't, that you can feel something he'll never be able to, suck it up and try to stop thinking about it. Give it a few years. There's nothing to do but regret in a jail cell. But there's a thousand things to take your mind off him if you're out and about, taking care of your kid and immersing yourself in new projects.

The object is to win, and if you go to jail you lose by default.