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Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

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Postby Jannaku » Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:39 am

I am the wife of a highly intelligent Surgeon who has NPD. I have read widely about this personality disorder and have absolutely no doubt whatsoever in this “diagnosis”. As a result of his disorder I have been subjected to abuse over many years, most of which is verbal and psychological. Over the past 5 years he has encountered many threats; he has lost an enormous amount of money and hence power/control and is now in debt; he is aging and can see his working life coming to an end – again loss of positional power/control & income; he has lost friends due to his unacceptable aggression and can sense that he is losing me. Most recently, over the past 4 months or so, I have seen changes in him. Although he continually exists in a delusional reality (and always has), his delusions have now become irrationally paranoid and persecutory and his abusive episodes have increased and are reflective of these delusions. He had a particularly bad episode last week in which he verbally raged for 6 hours. At that time he believed he was at the epicenter of a conspiracy to destroy him of which I was central. He accused me of having an affair with a mutual friend, rang this man and abused him, believed that I was brainwashing people, spreading rumors about him, etc, etc. His abuse extended beyond the family home and resulted in some serious ramifications on a social level. On the following day he behaved as if nothing had happened and swung into another delusional state – tbeing that all is good & perfectly normal, we are a happy couple with a future, etc.

I am concerned about this escalation of bad behavior and its potential impact on me. Naturally I am fearful that another extreme episode could occur again and that his anger/abuse could worsen. Although I understand that NPD is a very complex disorder with many variations etc. I was wondering if in your opinion this is cause for concern and whether I am at risk? I would also be interested to know how this is likely to progress? Where could it potentially end up for him - do they breakdown as such? I am planning to exit out of this relationship, but unfortunately the very suggestion of this is eliciting an extreme and irrational reaction from him. What do you believe would be my best strategy in handling him and the situation?
Many thanks
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Postby samvaknin » Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:29 pm

You are at risk.

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids










Violent, Vindictive, Sadistic, and Psychopathic Narcissists

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4938

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/5002

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/5000

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4959

Guilt? What guilt?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4931

How Victims are Pathologized and re-abused by the System

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/5068

The Narcissist and Psychopath as Criminals

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/5003

The Narcissist is Above the Law

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4983

The Narcissist as Liar and Con-man

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4951

Does the Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4950

Narcissists as Drama Queens

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4948

Take care.

Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:


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