Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Echo · Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:58 pm Post subject: Relationship Tips Post N

From LouxLoux

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire lifetime to forget them.

louxloux · Joined: 20 Jul 2007 Posts: 1493

Embracing Your Single Status
Learning to Love Your Life As-Is

It’s one thing to check a new age-range box on a form at the doctor’s office after a milestone birthday. It’s quite another feeling to go from checking the “married” box to the “divorced” box. Or to feel ostracized because you’re of a certain age and still marking “single” – very likely this smarts even more if you’ve gone through a recent breakup. But, even if “single” is the box you’ve always marked, this state-of-being isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in spite of what you may hear to the contrary.

Need some convincing? Queen Elizabeth I, President James Buchanan, Susan B. Anthony, and Louisa May Alcott were all single – sometimes being on your own can give you a lot of free time to make your mark on the world. Or consider celebrity bachelors and bachelorettes of current society, like Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson. Single people set examples that show you how to embrace the embraceable you at some of the most challenging stages of your life. It is possible to be happy and single at the same time without feelings of regret or failure.

Letting Go
When you’re recuperating from a breakup, being single is more a mindset than a definition of who you are. Sure, it can be awkward to dodge questions about your ex shortly after a breakup, but these social challenges can be navigated well enough. It’s the internal battles you’re likely fighting that really present the biggest obstacles to finding yourself on a positive path and truly enjoying life as a singleton.

Being single is not a crime. It’s not a death sentence or a punishment or any of the negative things that people try to imply it is. How you approach your single status definitely influences the way your life unfolds around you. It all comes back to the law of attraction. When you make an effort to look for the good, you’ll find it. If you’re looking for the bad, well, you’ll find that too. But before you can heal yourself, you have to heal what’s still lingering from your last relationship.

It’s relatively safe to say that if you just came out of a bad relationship, there might still be some resentment. At this point, your head isn’t in an optimistic enough place to start looking for someone new in your life. When you end a relationship, you must take time to mourn it and properly heal, but this is also a great opportunity to reflect on the situation you just came out of and how what you’ve learned from it can alter your life for the better.

Honestly ask yourself what happened to you in your relationship that you would never want to experience again. What happened that you would love to find in another person? Not only will you learn from examining your feelings, you’ll also be allowing yourself the opportunity to purge feelings that you don’t want to carry with you every day or take into any future relationship. If you don’t let go of the past, it will ruin you. Holding on to resentment does not enable you to move on – resentment doesn’t do favors for anyone.

Focusing on Yourself
Think about all the relationships you’ve been in – no matter how much you loved the person, didn’t you treasure the rare nights you had completely to yourself, to do whatever you want and enjoy it completely, utterly alone? Now consider what it was like when you were independent, on your own for the first time. How good did it feel to do everything for yourself? Did you feel accomplished and strong and brave? Were you proud to be completely self-reliant? This is the frame of mind that you want to recapture in order to maintain confidence in yourself and your single status.

Truly, it is judgment from others and society that can really influence the way you feel about being single. If you’re satisfied with your own situation, no one’s opinion of where they think you “should” be in life will matter. But if you can’t help and think that the last thing you’d like to do is be alone on another Saturday night, remind yourself of this: you’re not settling for being in the wrong relationship. You should applaud yourself for refusing to just be with someone because you don’t want to be alone.

Fortifying Your Frame of Mind
There was a recent study that compared “lucky” people to “unlucky” people. The so-called lucky people, it was determined, are lucky because they are more approachable. They draw opportunities to their lives because of their optimistic attitude. If you want to have a positive experience as a single person, you’re going to be luckier than not if you work to maintain a hopeful outlook on life. When you’re ready, this luck can be translated to your dating life as well. There’s no such thing as being lucky in love or in life, but you can make yourself good at it.

It’s perfectly fine to want to accomplish personal and professional goals. But don’t look for excuses for your single status. Friends and family may question your current preference to be on your own, and it can certainly be a challenge to feel like you have to defend your choice to be single. But being in a relationship isn’t the only way to experience true happiness. Get out and do things you enjoy, even if you have to do them on your own – it can be a liberating experience, and you’ll quickly learn how to appreciate your own company.

Taking time to get to know yourself, and the things that you want out of life, will hone your optimism and prepare you for future relationships should you choose to be in one again. Feel all your feelings as they come along and allow yourself to move forward – instead of dwelling on what you don’t want, concentrate on what it is you’re seeking. Ideally, what you are looking for is contentment, whether that means being in a relationship or not.

Nostalgia is a seductive liar. So if memories after a breakup threaten to get the better of you, look at love from both sides – when you’re in it and when you’re out of it. You can learn, no matter your situation. Perspective is more valuable than many people realize.

Even if your attitude remains good, staying focused on what you want can always present challenges. And getting to the point where you feel comfortable with your single self isn’t easy.

http://www.askmarsvenus.com/Article.php?id=363&aff=AMV