Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

femfree · Guest

Hi Sam. Here is a question from S.

Background:
> He was a male stripper when I met him. Long blonde
> hair, muscles and very into fitness.
>
> He showed an interest in me. I took the bait.
>
> At first, there were dates, trips, hand holding,
> gifts
> and he would do fix-up projects at my house. But,
> he
> never told me that he loved me. There was always
> some
> emotional distance.
>
> He made it clear from the beginning that he didn't
> like to share (meaning I was not to date anyone
> else).
>
>
> He told me many stories about places he had been
> traveling in a male dance revue around the country
> (he
> worked in a club when I met him). He also said that
> he had appeared on several talk shows as a dancer
> (Oprah, Sally Jesse Raphael, Jenny Jones etc) and
> was
> asked to pose in PlayGirl magazine. He talked about
> how he was stalked by customers in the club and made
> a
> lot of money (he lives in a trailer park).
>
> He told me that every woman he has ever dated,
> cheated
> on him. He says that one girl even broke in and
> stole
> everything he owned while he was gone. Another
> stole
> his identity and ruined his credit. I immediately
> thought about how I could be the one woman that
> loved
> him and would never betray him.
>
> I showered him with compliments about how good
> looking
> he was, cooked for him, and gave him sex.
>
> One night, he was at my house watching TV. He asked
> me something about the remote and I answered him.
> He
> answered back with a hateful tone and said, "DON'T
> PATRONIZE ME!!". I was stunned. I didn't think
> that
> I did!
>
> When his dancing career dried up, he said that he
> took
> a job traveling on the road working for a commercial
> eletrician running wire. There were times when he
> would say that he was on the road, and I would pass
> him on the street. When I would question him, he
> always had a ready excuse.
>
> Sometimes he would disappear for anywhere from 3
> days
> to two weeks at a time. He always had an excuse
> about
> his dad getting sick or a cellphone malfunction or
> something. I wanted to believe him, so I did.
>
> One day, I asked him a question about where he was,
> and he said, "I was washing my car. Is that alright
> with you??".
>
> The relationship eventually degenerated into him
> showing up when it was convenient. That was usually
> during the day when my son was at school because I
> work at home. He would always demand sex. If I
> didn't comply, he would get angry and storm out. It
> didn't matter if I was tired, had a work deadline or
> just wasn't in the mood. He never seemed to care
> how
> I felt about anything. One time, I didn't want to
> have sex and he walked out and didn't talk to me for
> two weeks. When we got back together, he said we
> needed to talk. I thought, YES! Finally we are
> going
> to work on this relationship. I was wrong. He
> informed me that if I did not take some time from my
> job for him, that our relationship was over. He
> never
> once asked me what I wanted.
>
> The relationship became a drudgery to me. He was:
>
> Extremely moody
> VERY defensive
> Very secretive
> He never introduced me to anyone
> He never invited me over
> He told me he had his landline taken out and then 2
> months later put some items in the paper for sale
> with
> his home phone number. I called it and it was him
> with a disguised voice on an ansering machine. He
> denied everything.
> He is an atheist
> If we were laying on the bed, he wouldn't let me
> sleep
> I never felt like I knew him
> Was always scrutinizing women and making negative
> remarks
> Hated everyone I introduced him to and refused to
> have
> anything to do with my family
> The sex was horrible and for his gratification only
> He demanded certain comments and wanted them
> repeated
> during intimate moments
> Constantly wanted oral sex but never returned the
> favor
> He was bossy
> Hates fat people
> Hates cats
> Hates his half brother and rarely talks about family
> Claims that he spit on women when he danced for
> waving
> money in his face and telling him to dance for it
> (he
> was extremely insulted)
> Constantly told me that I don't listen
> Makes mean remarks to me and then makes it sound
> like
> he is just joking
> Never cares about how I feel about anything!
> Will not get a regular job. Does handyman work.
>
> The final straw came at Christmas. He disappeared
> for
> a week and didn't even call on Christmas Day. I got
> upset and stopped taking his phone calls. When I
> did
> finally tell him I was upset and why, he struck back
> with a cold, callousness like I have never seen. He
> not only did NOT apologize, he blamed me for
> everything. I hung up on him.
>
> I have a nice home on a big lot with 4 1/2 car
> garage
> space. He has it loaded with his stuff! Cars, a
> gun
> safe, tools, Jet Ski, a bed for a '63 Chevy truck,
> tools (you name it).
>
> Now, I have to deal with him because he has been
> over
> twice to get tools. He mostly acts cool, as if to
> say
> "F" you. I say nothing. I am ready to move on. He
> has never abused me, but he does have an intensity
> that scares me a little. It's as if to say, "Don't
> mess with me or you'll be sorry".
>
> I don't know how to approach him about moving his
> stuff out of my garage, so I am leaving it alone for
> now.
>
> Is this the calm before the storm? Or will he go quietly? I don't even feel
> like
> I know him. I don't know what to do now.
>
> Thanks, S

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

shyler · Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 23

Right now, he seems to have discarded the relationship without a second thought. I haven't heard from him in over 2 weeks. The last time was when he came to get a table saw out of my back garage. He told me on the phone, "I'll only be 5 minutes". He got the saw and left quickly without approaching the house. So basically, I've only had contact with him one time in the last 3 weeks. I am very glad about that. I have read all of the links to the articles that you posted. I will certainly be aware of what a violent person is capable of. My fear is that he will accuse me of not keeping his stuff secure or damaging it (he is very suspicious) and will give me a hard time about that.

Thank you so much for your help, Dr. Vaknin.