Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

femfree · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 567

Hi Sam. Here is a question from P

I would like to ask your opinion on this issue. My husband's ex-
wife, we believe, is narcissistic. We have both gone to a
professional along with my stepdaughter, my stepson, and two other
people that are having to have this woman in their life. So we have
pretty much been told she has all the signs of having narcissistic
personality disorder. Anyway, my stepdaughter moved out of her
mother's house two years ago and came to live with us. She is 19
now. We had a graduation party for her last summer. We did not
intend on inviting her mother or stepfather. It was our families and
a few friends of my stepdaughter. Liz's grandfather (NPD's father)
and the brother of NPD's husband kept pushing Liz to invite her
mother that this would be the best thing. Without going into detail,
I am sure you know how NPD's work so let's just say she has done a
lot to us and her daughter. We did not want her at our home.
Anyway. Liz was pressured into asking her mother. She invited her
without asking her dad or myself. She let us know very abruptly by
saying "by the way, I invited my mother to my party". She didn't ask
us if this would be okay. I was very upset of course but my husband
is very passive and was afraid to say anything. She barely said two
words to her mother at the party. No one wanted to talk to her. It
was very stressful for everyone. This is a woman who has called the
police on my husband 3 times for being on her property. NPD's
father was in from Florida at the time. She has two sisters that are
about an hour away. We felt that she should have planned a dinner
with her father and sisters for Liz if she really wanted to be a part
of her graduation. We feel that the ceremony is the important part
of graduation, not the party. A party is optional. We opted to have
one for her. We feel her mother came for the drama. She doesn't
want a relationship with her daughter deep down. She has never tried
apologizing to her daughter and she never will. She was actually mad
because no one talked to her at the party. Everyone ignored her.
She did not go for Liz, she went for herself and to make it look
good. I would like to know if you feel that she should have had her
own party if she was so concerned about being a part of this. To me,
if she really cared about Liz and really wanted to be a part of her
life, she would be doing everything possible to make it work. She
has done nothing but blame everyone else but herself for what is
going on. When divorced couples do not get along, we feel these
"optional" parties should be separate. We are not talking about a
wedding. A wedding would be the only thing that we would "have" to
be their together for. NPD keeps hashing to her daughter that I was
mad that she was at the graduation party and that was wrong. We
should accept them and get along with them and they don't know what
is wrong and why we hate them so much. It is unbelievable what we go
through. All three children talk to us both about their mother.
They are all frustrated most of the time and one has already moved in
with us. I look for the youngest one in a few years to move in with
us also. My husband is a very kind, giving, compassionate person and
his children know this. They love him very much and look to him for
guidance when they need to talk to someone. He tries to be as
diplomatic as he can without saying anything mean about their
mother. This is why the two older children have gone to counseling.
The youngest is 13, soon to be 14, his NPD mother would not let him
talk to anyone.

Anyway, can you please give your opinion on this graduation party
because NPD keeps bringing it up and saying "are we going to have two
graduation parties for Alex and Sebastian too?" Like we have to have
a party together. They are both very impossible to deal with. I
just want some peace of mind to know that we are not off base here in
these circumstances.

Thank you for your time,
_________________
THIS FORUM IS RUN BY WINDSONG WHO WAS DISMISSED FOR ABUSE TO MANAGERS AT OUR MSN FORUMS SHE HAS STOLEN MY PASSWORDS AND REFUSES TO REMOVE MY LINKS AND PAGES HERE

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2289

Dear Marie,

I know very little about social etiqueete which is what your question boils down to.

If you regard it as Liz's party - then she has the right to invite anyone she wants. If it is YOUR party - you have the right to choose whom NOT to invite.

Women narcissists

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq34.html

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the
links:

Nothing is Happening at Home

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/wronghome-en.html

Genetics and Personality Disorders

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders27.html

The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal43.html

Narcissism at a Glance

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html

How Can I Save My Child from the Narcissist or Psychopath?

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

Narcissistic Parents

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq5.html

The Narcissist's Dead Parents

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq54.html

Parenting - The Irrational Vocation

http://samvak.tripod.com/parent.html

The Narcissist's Mother

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq64.html

The Prodigy as Narcissistic Injury

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal89.html

Leveraging the Children

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

Tell Your Children the Truth

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

The Narcissist and His Family

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq22.html

The Cult of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html

Narcissist, Beware the Children

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal36.html

The Narcissist as Eternal Child

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal92.html

The Inverted Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

Intimacy and Abuse

http://samvak.tripod.com/intimacyabuse.html

The Narcissist is Looking for a Family

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal5.html

Adolescent Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/case01.html

Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal22.html

The Delusional Way Out

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal42.html

The Development of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq25.html

The Dual Role of the Narcissist's False Self

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html

The Roots of Pedophilia

http://samvak.tripod.com/pedophilia.html

The Butterflies are Laughing

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/butterflies-en.html

Janusz Courts Dina

http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/janus-en.html

Take care.

Sam