Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

femfree · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 667

I don't know where to start about my ex there' s so much to tell you about
him i could write a book. I met Rico; my ex at uni in 1997. I was attracted
as well as the majority of the girls at uni to this handsome, charming man
who was always dressed in versace jeans and designer tops and sun glasses.
He was proably one of the first people at uni to have a mobile phone. As the
first weeks passed at uni we began to speak to eachother and he told me and
half the class including the lecturers that he was half Italian, his mother
from Siciley and his father from Lebanon. He explained that he did work for
the family ( the italian side) as they were part of the mafia. He explained
that this was the reason why he couldn't always attend classes because
family duties came first. He spoke all the time about his cousin, Mikey and
his other cousins gino and paulo. Rico would turn up to uni in different
cars, sometimes a jag, renault megane or a golf, but they where always red
which he explained was a code for his family. He spoke about how his younger
sister had been murdered by the jews in lebanon and his mother witnessed the
helicopter shooting his sister and other school chilfdren, he even brought a
picture into uni to show everyone. Rico also spoke about his restaurant in
southport and how his family used this business to hide the mafia's ( his
family's) money. After christmas we started dating and he would wine and
dine me and take me around in these different cars to his restaurant in
southport and other italian restaurants. He always had cash in his versace
wallet along with an american express card which had a different first name
to his. He told me that he had to sometimes change his name so the jews
couldn't track his family down. he showed me from the outside this mansion
which he said was his family's and it was called the while house, I kept
asking if i could go in and have a look but he told me it was too dangerous
because people could track me and my family down, he acted concerned for me
and my family.
One night i was at home and he turned up with this little boy about 2yrs old
and he told me and my family that he would have to bring this llittle boy up
because the previous night his parents had been killed, they had been
stabbed by the jews and the child had witnessed it, rico had tears running
down his face telling the story to us. However later that night mikey had
said he was taking the child back to italy for the family over there to look
after him.
Rico explained that i was the first blonde girl that he had been out with
and that he was so impressed to find a british girl who was close to her
family, who didn't go out and get drunk like most of the uni girls. He told
me his mother loved me from what he had told her ( I hadn't met any of his
family because it was either too dangerous or they where away). Rico would
talk about how his cuosins would have parties in the white house and
sometimes models from all over the country would go, for example a model out
of the next directory apparently was after rico but he refused her because
he was with me and she ended up sleeping with mikey his cousin. At one point
rico asked me to tell people at uni that i had been into the white house and
to describe how it looked from inside, i told him i don't want to lie and
i'm no good at lying, rico went on to tell me that if i didn't make people
believe that i had been to the whilt house he would be in trouble with his
family because ha should have been there this particular night instesd of
out with me. I agreed to lie and i told people what he wanted me to say
which was there was black and white tiles in the hall, a fridge in the
kitchen full of oasis summer fruits drinks, a banana shaped swimming pool in
the back, and the showers were all power showers.
as the weeks passed i wanted to meet mikey and kept insisting that i wasn't
scared of mikey and i wanted to talk to him, he kept trying to put me off
the idea but i was desperate to see this cousin he always spoke about.
Around this time, which was around may 98 he brought a unique gold ring to
my house and said it was sent for me by his mother. I fely very honoured but
i thought it strange that it didn't come in any packaging or box, regardless
and took the ring and was extremely thankfully but unfortunalely i was
unable to thak his mum by phone or in person. A week or so later after i had
finished in the shower at home i went to put the ring back on, to find it
had vanished. I knew rico was downstairs and would be so upset with me, so
me and my family searched everywhere, the bins, behind cupboards,
everywhere, but it never showed up, i had to tell rico and he wasn't that
angry he told me it was ok because his family were millionaires and would
understand.
Around the end of may mikey died, he had been killed in new york, outside a
mosque because somebody had told the jews . rico was in a bad way, he
collapsed and cried and stayed in bed for a couple of days. He started
smoking weed excessively. He told me he wanted to go on holiday with me but
could only get his money out of the bank after summer and told me to get a
student's loan out, which i did and paid for three weeks in a 4 star hotel
in zante. A week later rico sat me and my family down and showed us a video
of mikey s funeral in lebananon, it was new to us as we had never seen a
muslim funeral but we watched it with him and saw ll these muslim men
banging their chests to share the pain of the family! Rico then told us he
had some bad news, his father had sent for him to go and fight for one week
in lebanon with hezbollah, he explained that this was something every man
has to do. rico left for lebanon, i cried every day he was there, then one
night he phoned and spoke to my mum and was howling in the pain saying he
had been shot but he was coming home and he could still go to zante. I
picked him up outsidea modest semi in southport and saw him bandaged around
his waist he had a gurdle of some sort protecting his wound, he could't show
me incase he would get an infection.
Next day we went to zante but rico need help boarding the plane, he was in
so much pain, however as we arrived in the hotel rico took his clothes off
and put his hugo boss horts on, i asked were the wound was and he told me to
shut the fuck up, then he left me in the room and went to the pool. Thats
when things changed one night we so called got robbed and all his money was
stolen, we had nothing so he told me to ask my dad to transt#fer two
thousand pounds over and he would pay it back, the reason he couldn' t ask
his family was because they where in lebanon and the telephone cables where
down. my dea agreed and sent the money over in 500 pounds on the condition
rico paid back every penny. the three weeks where hell he br#ecame violent,
throwing a tray at me with the breakfast on because i didn't know fresh
orange gave him heart burn, to going off with other girls. he hired a car
and it wwas the only jeep to have a radio in it on the islanf, he managed to
find someone to get him a constant supply of weed. All in all i doubted
everything he had told me, when we got home my father asked for the money
and he promised to get in the next day, unfotunately my gran died the next
day so nobody pushed him for the money.
Over the next week i was questioned by my mum about money going missing from
a cupboard ( this was the money my gran had left for us, and my mum being an
only child had kept it so called safe) i had no idea there had been any
money in the house, it was about 10,000 that had gone missing along with a
1,000 in my gran's purse. the money was never found, the only people in our
home where my mum, dad, younder brother, me and rico, but why would rico
want to take it when he was a millionaire i asked myself and conviced myself
it wasn't him. My dad asked for the money and rico told me that his dad had
cleared his bank account because he won't live in lebanon and if he wants
his money back i would never see him again. I didn't want that to happen so
i took rico's advice and got a loan to cover the amount from marks and
spencers. Rico gave the money to my dad and that seemed to sord everthing
out. September 98 rico phoned to say thathis mum had been hurt in lebanon,
she was blinded for a bullet or something and was beinf flown back to
siciley where a top russian specialist was going to operate, rico needed to
get there urgently and had no money and told me that because he had stayed
in the uk with me then i should pay for his ticket which i did i gave him
over a hundred pounds cash but wasn't with him to book the ticket, it was
somethuing he wanted to do alone.
on the following sunday i drove him from wigan (where i live, in the north
west) to birmingham to catch his flight, he told me he wuld be back after a
few days. I missed him and kept calling his mobile, he wasn't nice to me and
often told me to not call him again. I still kept calling and he told me
that he wasn't coming home, i begged him to come back and he agreed so long
as i din't ask any more questions. i agreed.
I picked up and we spoke about his change in behaviour, he told me this was
because of his family and i couldn't imagine the hell he has been through. I
felt sorry for him and wanted to protect and help him.
Weeks followed and i was asked to go into to this semi detached house in
southport, only to find muslim men and women, it was a religous house and it
even had pictues of rico as a child. i never heard anyone call him rico but
they did call him mazen which i thought was very strange. rico explained
that this was his undercover family from the jews and that they were his
aunty's and cousins. this lady whom rico told me was the house keeper
explained that she wanted mazen (rico) to go to dubai to stop his sister
from getting divorced. I was so confused but tried to just act normal and
smile. rico went to dubai for 4 weeks and i went over for 2 weeks. In that
time he was vbiolent and abusive to me. One particular night we where going
to this beautiful restaurant with his sister (whom he kept saying was his
cousin) and her friends and their husbands, when we got there it was full,
rico without hesitation called over the manager and told him i was the prime
minister of englands daughter. Nobody could believe it, and he told me to
act like i was important, straight away a table was set up for us in the
best position. rico was extremely proud of himself and spoke about it most
of the night.
After dubai things kept getting worse, the physical and mental abuse was
becoming very frequent and with his sister back from dubai i found comfort
in being able to talk to her, not knowing for sure if she was his sister or
cousin. I eventually after xmas asked his sister whom i had a very good
friendship with who his family where and she explained that he was fully
lebanese and the house keeper was his mum, his cousins where his bothers and
sisters. His younger sister did look familiar and it was then when it dawned
on me that this was the picture he had shown me of his dead sister. she was
also wearing the ring that he had given me so called from his mother. Rico
wasn' t his name it was mazen and his family didn't have any money, they
just lived a modest life. His sister also told me that he had previously had
a girlfriend and he had slapped her and a letter from her solicitor had
arrived for his mother which had been translated into italian.
The family were aware of some of the lies, not all of the them. Rico had
also dropped out of uni again after the first year. I was told that he had
been in london uni and dropped out of the first year also.
His sister told me that he never went to fight for hzbollah, he didn't want
to see me for a week because his ex girlfriend from canada had come to vist
him, and he never went to siciley, he went to malaga to see the same ex to
try to get basck with her, but she had refused him because he had got her
and her family into trouble in canada, ahe was also muslim like him. I was
distraught to find this out, however for some stupid reason i stayed with
him.
As the first two years passed mazen lied constanly to his friends about
being italian and having money, he would even take/ steal perfume sets of
his mothers and sisters to give as presents to his friends wives, for no
reason.
He moved to kuwait and and i followed after a year so i could graduate.
Whilst in kuwait i fell pregnant, something he alwys dreamed about, i love
children but didn't want to have a child at this time. mazen didn't really
go to work dispite threats from his brother who also worked out there, he
lost three jobs in total in kuwait in a space of two years, i still don't
know the reasons. Mazen had promised to change whilst i was pregnant, but he
didn't, he still took drugs every day, still hit me and shouted at me, still
spent all the money and left me in a flat all day and night, but i nver had
the nerve to tell my mum and dad on the phone what was really happening, i
just told them i was fine and having a good time. whilst in kuwait my mum
and dad had been invited to his mothers house in southport for tea, i
dreaded it as they still thought rico / mazen had an italian mother. i told
mazen i was worried but he just said that he will tell them after the
meeting that his ex girlfriends parents were racist against arabs so it was
easier for him to say to everyone he was italian! My parents didn't take the
explanation as well as he wished.
however, on my return to the uk in august 2001 ( mazen stayed in kuwait) my
bother tradgically died the night of my arrival. As a family we were
shattered. Mazen didn't come home for andrew's funeral he said he was too
upset and that he was trying to get another job. However on october 19 i
gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, he meant and still does mean everything
to me and my family. Mazen arrived three days later, i was still in hospital
after undergoing life saving surgery for a blood clot, azen i tought would
have shown a more careing side after my illness and after having a baby and
alos the loss of andrew, but nothing he seemed so distant from me and our
child, but he lkept asking me why our baby looked so much like me and y
especially like my bother, he seemed to be offended he didn't look like
mazen apart from having his brown eyes. After 10 days mazen left for lebanon
to start a new job for red bull it was based in kuwait but the training was
in leb. It was such a relief he had gone, during his visit i had hardly seen
him and he was more interested buying things for himself, he never bought
our son one present or gave me eny money, his family where failrly generous,
but it was my mum and dad that paid for almost everything and mazen didn't
seem to care.
I followed him to kuwait at the end of jan for six weeks. in that time,
mazen lost his job yet again for some strange reason and i was forced to
find work in a school ( nursery teacher) so we could afford the rent and
food, mazen however would stay and look after our son from 6.30am till 1pm,
unfortunetly mazen would take our son to his brothers house for his maid
rose, (who was a wonderful lady) to look after him while he slept and played
on the computer.
That summer i knew i had to leave mazen but unfortuntley he became ill with
hogkinson s disease and we all came back to uk that summer. I told him i
wasn't going back to kuwait. Mazen recovered after his treatment, however
still taking drugs during his treatment. He go a jo the back in kuwait aril
2003 but we split july that year, i couldn't take anymore, he had put in
into serious debt, was still lying, was still stealing, still pretending to
be italian to hte point of using his fathers credint card to go to milan and
watch the football with his cousin and but designer clothes. i tried
everything to get him to change, but not even our son could get him to
change. he had also been usind my dad's laptop which is for work to
downloard pornographic sites, my dad spoke to him about this and told him he
wouldn' t be able to use the pc if he continued looking at these sites,
mazen couldn't understand how these web sites had come but he promised it
wouldn' t happen again, surpsrise suprise it did, and the it manager and my
dad s work proved it was him downloading these web sites as my dad had been
out of the contry at the time. He had threatened me that he would kill me or
my family if i left him and he would take our son away with him which made
me sick with worry, i was perscribed anti depressants but nothing seemed to
work. I saw a solicitor and have been in cuort for over 3 years. In that
time mazen has remained the same, he s told various proffesionals that his
sister has been killed, his family are involved in fighting for hebollah and
that he s half italian. Two psychologists have been involved, dr, s
jamieson, clinical child psychologist, and dr. a pedan clinical adult
psychologist. Dr jamison in her report found mazen hard to assess as he
contridicted himself alot of the time, denied the physical abuse despite
medical evidence and a finding of fact against him. he also told her that he
would go to his spare apartmant in kuwait to sleep with other girls. Dr
pedan couldn' t asses him because all he did was lie. Our son does not want
to see his father as he says that when he s been left in a room with him
alone he s said naughty things to him, ur son is frightened of his father
and doesn't want him to be his father. Mazen has supervised contact for 2hrs
a week, but its rare our son goes near him.
Just before christmas i spoke with mazen to see if things could change and
if he had changed. To my disguat mazen tried to convince me that i was crazy
ang he never broke my nose three times and hit me , the only thing he
admitted was throwing something at me because i annoyed him. since christmas
i ve attended the contact with our son to try and make it easier for him,
however, even with a superviser present he was shouted and sweared at me
when things haven't gone his way. Even to our son he has openely mocked him
when he wouldn't do what mazen asked of him.
A few weeks ago the judge ordered him to see aother psychologist as mazen
had yet again lied. He had involved social services saying i beat up our son
and that the manager at the contact centre heard our son saying this. This
was to be another lie which was proven in court and he had also told the
social worker that during the lebanese conflict last summer his sister and
his grandmother where trapped, he had said he went over to rescue them
unfortunetly his sister had been killed but his gran was ok and they had to
take his sisters body back to the uk and then to lebanon to burry her. Mazen
denied every saying this however the social took notes from what he had told
her.

Also i ve been intouch with his ex girlfriend whose family where so called
racist, she suffered to at his hands to the point of having 3 breakdowns.
her solicitor was threatend by him and mazen had threatened to kill her with
a gun, he threatened her down a dirt track. This relationship ended some 11
yrs ago but the family are still to frightend of him to come to court.

I am worried that the psycologist will not pick up him because he is such a
convincing liar. Do you thing he has npd?
Many thanks, i know i ve gone on, but theres so much more and i ve tried to
cut it down,
thaks again
lx
_________________
Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer;
nothing is more difficult than to understand him.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2186

Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews. Click on these links to learn more:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/1.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdglance.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq82.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faqpd.html

Take care.

Sam