Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Tracis · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 2

I am married to a narcissist psychopath. Through the interenet, I have identified that he is both. In fact, I am sure that everything I read was written about my husband! They may as well put his name in every story. I've filed for divorce, but he has sweet talked his way back home, at least for now.... My parents and friends are mortified that I've "taken him back". Understandable. He's not physically abusive, but he is a pro with emotional and ambient abuse.

I need to get some bills paid off and get myself in somewhat of a stable financial situation before I give him the boot again, this time for good.
In my mind I've planned what I need to do. I came across two very helpful articles and wanted to pass them on in hopes that it helps someone else in my situation. The "Stockholm Syndrome" article and the other article "Identifying Losers in Relationships" were the first articles I had read that actually outlined exactly what was happening to me. I'm not crazy!!!

And in the last few month or so I've actually been "detaching" from my narcissist and following through with what is termed as an "exit plan" and didn't even know it was something that psychologically I need to go through to get through leaving a narcissist - because it is hard! Anyway, I hope these help you people out there that are as miserable as I am and feel as trapped as I do.

Please, take the time to read them all the way through. At the beginning you may not think that they apply to you, but if your partner is a Narcissist / Psychopath, believe me- THEY DO APPLY TO YOU!! If you are reading this forum as they say: "you aren't on this site, reading these posts, to celebrate your wedded bliss". Here are the links. I'm not too computer savvy, so you will probably have to copy the links and paste them into your browser.

www.drjoecarver.com/stockholm.html

www.drjoecarver.com/loser.html

Cookie1 · Guest

Trac....just want to wish you the best of luck with your 'exit'...keep us informed ok? And Echo Rolling Eyes

I dont know where you get your sayings about p's but DAMN GIRL Embarassed

they are sooooo cute Exclamation

pinkybubbles · Guest

samvaknin · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2186

Hi,

These may be of help - click on the links:

The Narcissist's Victims

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq38.html

Victim Reactions

http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/article.cfm/victim_reactions

Mourning the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

Back to La-la Land

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal78.html

The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq6.html

Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid of Him?

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

Traumas as Social Interactions

http://samvak.tripod.com/trauma.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

Surviving the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

Spousal Abuse and Domestic Violence - Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist, and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

The Cult of the Narcissist

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html

Take care.

Sam

Tracis · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 2

Hi everyone! Thanks for all of the replies! Also thanks for the links Sam! Wow! I can't believe Mr. Vaknin himself actually read my post!!!!!!!! I have read every FAQ on his site! But it takes me a long time because my husband does NOT like me reading his site. If I forget to erase my computer history, it's not a happy time at my house until my Narc gets over it.

I didn't have to go through all the hoops to figure out my Narcissist was a Narcissist. He has only been engaged to one other woman and she figured it out on her own during the counseling they had to take together before they were married in her church. It was in another town about 2 hours from where they lived. She apparently had some extra counseling that he didn't attend. One night during counseling she just blurted out: "You are a Narcissist and I am not marrying you!" He said it was a LOOOONG ride home that night! He told me that he was NOT a narcissist. Unless loving himself was what a Narcissist was because he did love himself and did want to be alone with just himself all the time because he liked himself better than he liked anyone else. I was uneducated. I thought a Narcissist was a person that was sarcastic all the time. Duh! When I met him he said he liked to fish, camp out, all sorts of other things that I wanted in a future mate since I had small sons at the time. I know now that he was just "mirroring". I finally looked up the term Narcissist and found my savior- The Great Dr. Vaknin! For several years I have known he was trouble. But I eventually MARRIED this man. I should be shot! ha!

Last year he just quit having sex with me. NONE! Talk about how that cut my self worth down!! Now, he emotionally and mentally abuses me. I didn't realize it. I thought he just LOVED me SO MUCH that his mean spirited comments about how I dress (that's too low cut! who are you trying to screw at work?) or how I think (you didn't need to buy one of those! I can make one. Take it back. Or let me sell that one and I can make money off of it and I'll make you one!) I can't ever make a decision that he thinks is correct. I even second guess myself now. My self confidence is a zero. I'm pretty and men look at me (just a fact, not being a narcissist here) and that just fries him! He doesn't like to take me out in public to dinner or things of that nature now because men will look at me and then that will cause trouble. (He normally has no temper at all and I've never seen him really mad or even hinting at being physically abusive). He also refuses to let me go out to dinner with my girlfriends on occasion. He thinks I'm up to something. I'm a prisoner in my own life!!! He is the KING of AMBIENT ABUSE. I didn't know what that was until about 3 weeks ago. I finally got to that part of Dr. Vaknin's website. Richard Skerritt has a great site too, and his daily emails really have opened my eyes to a lot of things!

The worst part about this whole thing is: Not only do I have a Narc on my hands- He is also a psychopath!!!!!! He met 13 of the 16 criteria. (the other 3 he could definitely meet if I told you a story or two.)

Anyway, the Stockholm Syndrome article opened my eyes up as to why I'm such a wimp about going totally through with leaving him. I've filed for divorce, but it's on hold at this time. I gave a copy of the article to my mom and dad. Thank heavens for it. I thought they were going to disown me for being totally stupid. I sure hope it helps someone else in my shoes.

NOTE TO PINKYBUBBLES: I know you are right about the money. I work part time for my husband and would just like to get another 2 months of paychecks to pay my credit cards off before I cut the cord! I have this suspicion that once I am free of him and get my life and my self respect back that paying bills and being much poorer than I am now will seem silly. Thanks for the words of encouragement!!!!

NOTE TO ECHO: This is FUNNY! Psychopaths? I love 'em - but I couldn't eat a whole one
Thanks for the laugh!

Prayers to all! Traci