Welcome
Welcome to the Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you only limited access to discussions and other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to reply to topics and post new topics, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free, so please, join our community today!

Weekly Case Study: Jan: Dealing With An N Boss

Submit a Case Study and Sam Vaknin, in person, will analyze your situation and offer insight, coping strategies, and remedies.


Moderators: WindSong, samvaknin

Weekly Case Study: Jan: Dealing With An N Boss

Postby WindSong » Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am

Thank you. I'll try to be brief. After working in Civil Service for 23
years, my age being about 45, my boss referred me for a psychological
evaluation to determine my ability to work. This after receiving above
average evaluations from many supervisors during the previous years. This
boss is confusing and inconsistent with instructions. My mother had died
that year, she was the last to go after my father, and 3 siblings over the
years due to illness. When my co-workers found out it bothered me, they
talked about death, violence, stabbings, serial killers on and on until I
asked them to stop. (I was still grieving) They refused to stop. I got
upset and cried. That when I was referred, long story short. The
psychologist who evaluated me leaned back in his chair when I told him what
happened and said "what is wrong with these people?" Of court he evaluated
I had no problem working and needed no further counseling. But the referral
was in my personnel file. Two years later, she attacked again. I work for
Social Services. All Social Service workers have huge backlogs She went
through my cabinets and draws on overtime, without my knowledge, counted my
backlog, and brought me before administration that I was a detriment to the
agency. (I think I'm am excellent employee). I brought in the union, wrote
memos, and eventually got her off my back. But when I asked to be
transferred to another unit, administration refused to move me. I am still
there 5 year later. She respects me now, and I think she is being watched.
I avoid going into her office with questions (she used to be mean lecture me
about respecting her, etc). I email her any questions I have about my work.
Here are my questions to you:

1) How could I get a transfer out of there within the agency. I have been
very sick and don't really have time to get a new job right now.

2) I am keeping notes all the time about my work accomplished and other
goings on. Should I continue to do this?

3) She and her assistant both have NP as far as I can tell, so I always
watched my back. But the other 4 workers in the unit are happy to be the
favorites, and lie whatever way they are rewarded for. They always report
their statistic showing work completed to be higher than mine. How can I
deal with this without making an issue of it. I refuse to lie. I wouldn't
be able to stand myself.

4)I feel like she put a glass ceiling over me. Although I scored number 1
on the list for a promotion, after taking an exam,I have been passed over
2xs.

5) I don't know how to let it stop bugging me that the other workers lie
about their statistics and make it look like they are doing more work than
me. I never get credit for my talents in the office. Even though
administration is now nice to me, I don't go anywhere. The reason
administration started being nicer to me, changed my boss's boss, and now
watch her more, is because I pressed charges after I passed the
psychological through the NYS Division Of Human Rights, to get the whole
thing off my record. The case was transferred from Long Island to NYC?, (
don't live in NYC) and I lost the case. I did not sue for $. But now the
ones in charge are more respectful to me.

Thank you for your time.
User avatar
WindSong
Site Admin
 
Posts: 2901
Joined: Sat Feb 10, 2007 7:05 pm
Location: On My Way, Don't Know Where I'm Going.

 

Keeping notes

Postby samvaknin » Tue Mar 06, 2007 3:31 pm

Hi, Jan, and welcome aboard.

Obviously, there is no way I can answer your first question. You may wish to consult your personnel or human resources department.

Regarding your second question, keeping notes and all other documenmtary evidence (copies of emails and letters, for instance) is a very good idea if you believe that she still poses a risk.

These may be of help - click on the links:

Narcissistic abuse in the workplace and narcissism of authority figures

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq81.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal79.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq11.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/15.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq19.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal73.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq47.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal70.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal52.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal48.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/cor ... ssism.html

http://healthyplace.com/Communities/per ... kplace.htm

http://www.suite101.com/bulletin.cfm/6514/10621

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/pp114.html

http://www.tipsofallsorts.com/bully.html

http://open-site.org/Society/Issues/Vio ... Workplace/

http://www.nypress.com/16/7/news&columns/feature.cfm

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/npd.htm

http://www.freepint.com/issues/240703.htm

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal45.html

http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/bbing/st ... 158704.htm

http://www.freepint.com/issues/260505.htm

http://alaskaclubs.fitdv.com/new/articl ... ?artid=640

Take care.

Sam
User avatar
samvaknin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5977
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:30 pm

Lies

Postby samvaknin » Thu Mar 08, 2007 2:41 pm

Hi, Jan,

lies are a bad long-term strategy, though they can be effective in the short run.

I know a bit about narcissism. Your third question has more to do with ethics.

Narcissists and lies - click on the links:

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal59.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal23.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal75.html

Take care.

Sam
User avatar
samvaknin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5977
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:30 pm

Glass ceiling

Postby samvaknin » Thu Mar 08, 2007 2:45 pm

Hi, jan,

You are probably right. People who resist bullying in the workplace are often cast as troublemakers and whistleblowers and pay the price.

Whatever you do, will only aggravate the situation. You are very unlikely to get promoted. People don't "respect' you there - they shun you because they don't want to get into a conflict with you.

Why do you insist to continue to work there?

Sam
User avatar
samvaknin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5977
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:30 pm


Return to Weekly Case Studies

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

suspicion-preferred