Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Thank you to a very dear, wise and much missed friend and Manager for taking the time to write these up.


Was I a victim of a narcissist?

You can't really believe it, you've been suffering for a long time in a destructive relationship, and maybe you even thought it was your fault. You believed you were doing something wrong. Your partner had a list of complaints and you took on board all or some of what they said about you. If only you could change! And you tried, you changed behaviors, maybe you sought therapy, you read books and implemented new ways of doing things, all to appease your partner and improve the relationship. But instead of things getting better, they got worse. Now you are confused, "but I did exactly what my partner asked of me, and now they say that doesn't work either."

Somewhere along the line, you found the word "narcissist"-perhaps you were googling online and found some reference to the term and so you explored a little further. The term "narcissistic disorder" came up and you read all about it, and horror of horrors, it seemed to fit exactly a description of your own beloved partner. The "ah hah" moment of recognition came, and you researched a little more, finding yourself even more lost and confused than ever. The more you learned about the disorder, the more you felt you were swimming in a maze of unfamiliar psychiatric terms and psychological jargon.

Where does this leave you? You recognise your partner may have a disorder, but what do you do about it?

Welcome to a support forum for people just like yourself. Here you will learn how to re-discover your own power, and how to live your life free from the abuse you've received at the hands of a narcissistically disordered person. It may seem impossible from where you are in your life right now, but you will find that others have walked where you are now walking and have gone on to more joyful ways of being, rebuilding their lives free from abuse. Hope is offered to you here.

It takes guts and courage to take this path. This is not a forum for wimps. The first step is to end any denial you may be in. It's not a place for whining about a partner who is "just not that into them", it's not a forum for professional victims: (everything that ever happened to me is someone else's fault), and neither is it a place for beating yourself up (it's all my fault). Before you post your task is to do your own research here in the forum to figure out for yourself whether or not someone you have been dealing with suffers from this disorder.

When you post, share your story with us. It can be therapeutic, simply to re-tell the experiences you have been through so you can review what you've been through. You may find many others will validate your story. You may find you have not been alone.

Take care to protect yourself online. Your managers will do their best to see all members are safe, but be aware that predators do and will lurk here looking for new victims. They may pose as victims themselves. So be sensible, don't put out personal identifying information or rushing too fast into online friendships via email and messenger. Take your time to observe who and what goes on in the forums. Wait until you have healed sufficiently and have developed healthy boundaries before making quick judgements about members in the forum. Why put yourself at risk, if you have already been hurt by a disordered person in your past?

Psychopath freeforums is for the mature adult who chooses to step up and take responsibility for their lives, first by recognising honestly the situation they find themselves in, and then by gently and lovingly changing the situation. You may feel powerless, but you are about to learn, that you can take steps to regain your power. You may feel unloved, but you are about to find that love comes to you in unexpected ways, firstly by recognising you deserve to be loved. You will find out what love is, by recognising what love isn't.


Love is not abuse.

Therefore, you will find that this is a forum that has a "zero tolerance policy for abuse".
(got a beef about another member? contact your managers and let them handle it!)

You will find validation, and support from a range of people from all different places across the globe, and from all lifestyles, cultures, genders and religions. Tolerance is encouraged. Love and understanding welcomed.

As are you.
Welcome.

I was in another forum and they were mean to me....

If you found that you got triggered or had a bad experience in another online forum, we're very sorry. However this is not the space for discussion on how other forums conduct their business.

We are totally focussed on the here and now and your healing. If you found yourself triggered elsewhere, spend your energy figuring out what buttons got pressed and what your triggers are. Identify for yourself what your own boundaries are. That's a better starting point in healing for you, than trying to engage others into discussion on what, where how other forums conduct their business.

Discussions about other forums, and other forum personalities becomes "gossip" and/or "slander" and this forum doesn't promote that energy.

I believe in freedom of speech, I don't like censorship, does this forum delete posts and threads?

We don't like to delete threads and posts, but sometimes flamers visit the forums and put up what's considered inflammatory or "baiting" posts, designed to upset members. We'd rather nip these threads in the bud and protect the majority of sincere members from harm, than keep something up that is detrimental to group healing.

We also bear in mind that this is a public forum and can be read by the world at large, so if some posts put in too much "adult" material (by that we mean, details about sexual encounters, drug endorsements, threats or insults, personally identifying information, obscene language or slander) we will delete the thread or post.

If your thread or post got deleted and you feel anxious and are wondering why- you don't have to panic. Just communicate. Email your managers to ask why, and they can let you know what the issue was. It might not have anything to do with you personally, so don't fret unneccessarily if a delete occurs.

If on the other hand you strongly disagree with a delete and management decision, we would be sad to lose you, but again recognise that it's your choice to stay with our forum. You can always excersize your power through freedom of choice, and find another forum that you believe better serves your needs.

My online buddy got banned and I don't think that's fair. Why were they banned?

If someone's been banned, it's usually been because they have abused, flamed or baited in the forum. No manager likes to "ban" a member. It's never usually a personality based decision, but an issue based one.

But managers were all members once themselves and understand that in the healing process, anyone can get triggered at anytime. If a member finds themselves banned they can always write to the managers to ask why and figure out how to renegotiate to get back into the forum.

If it becomes obvious though, that a member is not interested in healing, and has a disorder themselves, or is more interested in critiquing other members rather than offering support, more interested in whining about an allegedly disordered partner without taking firm steps to heal their situations, and more interested in playing socially divisive games on the forum rather than co operating with others, permanent refusal of entry to the forum is inevitable. This is because we'd like to see sincere members protected.

Members who use multiple handles or those visiting from other forums with no intent to contribute are viewed with some measure of suspicion by management. If you have no business being here, and have no support to offer, why be a member? (red flag!!) We do take legal measures to prevent offenders from creating disruption in our forum, and that can include a note to your forum server or local police! We take our role of keeping sincere members safe from harm, very seriously.

GREAT answers Lukky! WE are sooooo very lucky to have you!!! Love ya......

Thanks Cookie but I can't take the credit for this work. Our Tildy wrote them up for us and is currently working really hard with Echo and Cassie in building up our resources/links here.

Can't wait by the way. I just know they are going to do a brilliant job and provide us all with top notch info to help us on our journeys of continued freedom.

Hugs

Lukky

AMEN to that!

Right back atcha Matilda! So happy to see you again.....