Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 567

Hi I have been posting some messages to the N board and a member suggested perhaps I have a P on my hands...so thought I would copy my initial post here for some advice

Someone has also been hanging round across the road from my home in the middle of the night, smoking, our dog goes crazy. Just remembered
neighbours dog was also poisoned

Stumbled upon this site by accident, was reading up on NP.

My story....

Swept off my feet by a man that I meet through a neighbour, neglected to tell me he was married (was told he was separated by neighbour and him). constant text msm and emails from him declaring love, but refused to divorce wife... she is quote " a psyco, threatened to kill the kids if I leave". Tried to end friend/relationship, said I would speak to his wife but he threatened suicide and was scheduled by police. (locked in mental health care facility for 5 days) (info for futher down the page, the nurses at the facility were aware of his lies and deceit but failed to warn me, even though he listed me as next of kin)

He begged me to allow him to move in, later discovered wife found out about me, and kicked him out. According to her I am the home wreaker who ruined their happy happy family - they were married 15 years. He lived with other women during their marriage, one while the wife was pregnant with their first child (according to him the said child was the result of an affair she had and is also suffering aspergers). Wife did not even relize despite speaking to the other woman all the time on phone when she rang the house.

I lived with him for approx 6 months (just enough time for him to bleed me dry financially and emotionally). Stole $$$ worth jewellery. During the last few months together he was on internet meeting more women. Found out this was something he was doing during his marriage. When ever i attempted to get him to move out or contribute $$, he would threaten suicide.

Again threatened suicide as I was ignoring him, police left me and my daughter to care for him (despite my relectunce), was raped at knife point by him with my daughter in the next room. Begged forgiveness the next day, then weeks later joked that he got away with it.

Got a AVO (restraining order) against him to no avail, has for past 9 months been speaking to my (former) boss, saying god knows what...was sacked due to this, though boss refuses to confirm any contact from him and is protecting him. Police will do nothing.

I feel like I am just starting to cope and then he has another surprise for me. I have never been out of work, and am now at an all time low. Have been seeing a counsellor and psych for 15 months (they believe he suffers from several personality disorders) am on antidepressants, but cant seem to more forward. Living on a few hours sleep each night.

Have been told I need to forgive him.. not because he deserves it, but so he doesnt have a hold on me.

And to top it off, he has infected me with HPV, I now have precanceous cells of the cervix and my gyno now has to poke around every six months...even more humiliation. He is now running around from one end of NSW to the other infecting whoever he can lay his mitts on.

how have you all coped with your delightful others?

PS - this is my first posting on the internet, please forgive any incorrect message board etiquette.

nolongertrusting · Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 267

Fraggle, You don't cope. You get OUT. Change your addess and phone #.
Doesn't the situation seem insane to you? We've been there. Cookie is a great source of help and inspiration.

Even a short period of time with these creeps can devistate you.

As for your former boss, make sure you keep any "atta boy" papers. You know, "job well done." You're former boss does not have the right to slander you. He's caught between a rock and a hard spot. Ask to get a reference from him in writing.

I found that I had the HPV virus a long time ago during a regular check up. I wasn't doing anything at the time, I have no idea where it came from. Doctor told me you can carry this for some time before it surfaces.
I was very lucky to find it when I did.
I had to have a lazer treatment with a specialitst. I go to the doc once a year. And I should anyway are far as prevention of other problems other than that. Since then, I haven't had any problems with it at all. Its still a shocker all the same. This virus is no big deal as long as you make sure to get checked once a year.

Please keep us posted and welcome. Nolongertrusting

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 617 Location: San antonio Texas

I have had two separate incidents of cervical cancer. Funny the wingnut
said it was no big deal too ! Its my cervix they have been hacking on .
This has cost me thousands in treatment not to mention the inconvience
of appts procedures and testing .

All of this from prince charming who constantly unprovoked reassured me he would never cheat and expose me to any of that .

A cheating partner threatens your life ------ period.
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

am · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 126

I had the same and need to say the same. GET OUT!!!!!! Thank GOD that we found what Ps gave to us early enough from it getting worse! What a humiliating experience. That's just one to top many if you stick around long enough. I always quote Femfree, just wish I had done so sooner when I was planning my own escape.....do it with DIG, dignity, pride, and integrity. No matter how you do it, just do it!

Sending you a hug,
AM

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 567

I am out, but it just doesnt seem to stop

Phone, mobile, email all changed. Cant move right now and not fair on my little one.

Ringing work, hanging around, AVO is no help..

I made a big mistake..He wants revenge.

Before I knew more about the N and P, I called him an N, contacted other women he had lied to, told he exwife of some of the other women.

She blamed me for breaking up the happy 15 year marriage (she found out about me). It didnt click when he was shacked up with another woman 7 years prior while pregnant with their first. Didnt stop her for begging him to go back to her whilst he was living with me?? WTF

Reported assault to police. Told the ones I new of to be tested for STD as I was infected.

He is just a little upset with me now...ooopsie

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

Fraggle,

I am going to apologize BEFORE I say what I am about to say (in case it comes across as offensive to you)...If he is mad at you, he will get happy in the same pants he got mad in, and if not, TOUGH SHIT FOR HIM!!!! He is a scum and has infected you with his filthy lifestyle....you should be telling him to KISS YOUR ASS!!!

I am so tired of these creeps thinking they can do whatever the hell they want and walk away as if they didnt do a damn thing!!!!! I pray everyday they get what they deserve and I cant wait until judgement day!!!! They will get theirs either here on earth or when they stand face to face with God...either way, I wouldnt want to be them!!!! Come to think about it, I wouldn't want to be them at all!!! They are heartless A$$holes who wreck destruction wherever they go...Karma is an interesting thing....rest assured, they will get what is coming to them eventually....can't get away with this stuff for long without having to face the consequences. I just wish we could find a way to make this a crime so they could actually get prosecuted for it...WOULDN'T THAT BE SWEET!!!!

Take care of yourself....you deserve it and so much more than he can or will ever give you....

NLHV

P.S. Sorry if I sound so angry, but the fact of the matter is that I am VERY angry. I read everyday on this board how many victims there are to this jerks and it makes me so angry that they slither away from the chaos they create with no repercussions...it makes me want to puke! The only hope I have is that they will get theirs someday....maybe God will give us a front row seat to their judgement.....WHAT A MARVELOUS THOUGHT!!!
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NLHV

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 567

Hi NLHV

I had the same anger at the end and after our r/s. I was very stubborn I refused to change my life for him, my phone numbers and email addresses just because he kept using them.

Why should I change and be inconvienced, it is such a hassle to change numbers, pay out contracts, inform all of new details...but I saw that it was a case of being safe. My 8 year old kept asking why people kept pranking us.

I think Dr Phil (love some of his sayings) says, Its about being successful, not about being right.

No its not right, but I have blocked him again and again and again...god he must be pissed off at me, I take delight in that.

I delight in that he knows I know the truth, that I have details of women that I am yet to contact about his deceit and lies, that I exposed him, that I was only conned for 6 months, not years like the others.

Sometimes I am absolutely terrified of him and of what he will do next. Other times I know I will came out on top. There are other unlawful things he has done and when the time is right, the authorities will receive all the info they need.

After 2 very bad days, today I am very smug and feeling very bitchy. Does it show?

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2620

hey Fraggle........
What an absolute NIGHTMARE this asshole has put you through....(excuse the language by the way!!!) I read your thread and felt so angry that someone could put another human being through such absolute crap....and you most certainly never deserved it........

This whole threatening suicide B/S has to be the most terribly abusive crap they can pull I think....(It took a therapist to point out to me that it was infact abusive)...... Mine did it all the time... he would tell me after the event how he had planned to do it in great detail........ I found it incredibly traumatising and would worry myself sick when I was at work and he was home that I would come home and find him dead......... Its was terrible!!!
The worst part about it was he pulled that 'Ace card' on me within 5 months of me losing a child to suicide..... he knew it would work everytime!!!!!!Infact out of all the abuse,,,,, that was the worst for me!!!! I would rather have been beaten senceless than have that sick worry of what I will find when I get home...........

The STD thing they do is also sooooo incredibly sick as well.... at the end of the day they dont care that our health is so at risk with all the playing round they do.............

My thoughts are so with you Fraggie....... I truly hope you realise this person does not deserve any part in your life EVER and I hope by being here you find some healing from this terrible expereience.......

Lukky
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'The Best reaction is no reaction'

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

Fraggle,
You have a right to be bitchy...he screwed with you and you have a right to ALL the feelings you have toward him!!! You keep yourself in that strong state because it will give you the strength you need to do the things you need to do. I admire your strength and your guts!!!! Keep it up, not only for yourself but, for all of us here too who have been victims of these pigs!!! (Iknow I sound Bitchy!!!)

Go Girl!!!

NLHV
_________________
NLHV

stellarwnd · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 104 Location: California

I have to remind myself this all the time.......You don't cope. You get out.

You know why? This is my opinion..........but a harsh one.........

If your P is willing to risk your health and give you diseases, what's to stop the P from out right killing you?

I think that it's a line to cross.....but it happens.

I often felt that my ex would take the next step.

It's a hard decision, but from my experience, there was no other choice but to get out. No contact. Be safe. Don't look back.

Stellar

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1464

Just to add here that you don't HAVE to forgive him now. You will when you're ready to. I really have an issue with people that push "forgiveness" before it's time. There is a lot a healing that needs to happen before a person gets to a forgiveness place. My goodness! That might be years away, so don't feel pressured to do that when you're not ready. All you'd be doing is "shoulding" on yourself and probably causing undue stress right now.

What IS most important for the near future is to keep yourself safe and NC. MOVE if you need to. Dissappear from his life. The f'ing jerk. What he did to you is WRONG, the perv. Sorry. I don't usually talk about people like that, but this guy ought to be hung up by the you-know-whats.

GRRRRR

Lukky · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2620

Well some threads bring out emotions in some of us..... THIS one makes me feel soooooo damn furious this has happened to you I have to post again!!!
Fraggie..... one of the first things I read on the Psychopath site when i first found it was a message there on the front page.....I hit me in the face and I have never forgotten it.........
"Be Afraid,,, Be very Afraid... Run and Never look back!!"
_________________
'The Best reaction is no reaction'

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1841

Hi fraggle (fellow aussie!),
try clicking on this link -it's a women's resource network in your region: (or copy and paste into your browser)
http://www.wrrc.org.au/

You need as much support as you can get -particularly now as this sounds like the most dangerous time frame- having just cut off from this (I am no expert, non of us here can diagnose, but for what it's worth he sounds like a:)psychopath. Where ever you are, make sure you let your local police know and try and contact the local women's refuge too. See if they have any support groups at the refuge centre and or free counselling available for you. You can let neighbors know that you have been through a rough time with a man you now consider could be dangerous, show them a photo of what he looks like etc, so that others around you will look out for your safety. Meanwhile, I understand you feeling vindicated when you have small victories etc, nothing infuriates a p more than being ignored. However, that is precisely what you HAVE to do.
(soon as you engage with him, even in reply to his contact initiation, it will make things much harder for you legally should you need police assistance again.) If he calls, hang up. If he knocks on your door, slam it shut and call the police. Have no contact with him whatsoever. It's a dangerous and disordered individual you have been with from the sounds of what you say. They don't operate on any kind of "healthy rationale"- so don't engage in explanation or debate or react to any of his nonsense.

Femfree's advice was always solid: learn as much as you can as fast as you can about this disorder, and become emotionally and financially free. He may have lived parasitically off you, but you can rebuild and become independant again. He -because he is a parasite, can't. You've been his "supply" for a time, so he won't want to give up on that easily. (Read all you can about the anti social personality disorder in the links in the opening site on msn groups- you will find really good info.)

Above all, do whatever you can to stay safe, and I wish you well as you address the health issues he's left you with. You sound like you have your wits about you though and that is good. Bravo to you for your courage.

Matilda

PS Lukk, I love your tag line about "no reaction" tee hee! that's great.[/code]
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"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright

nolongertrusting · Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 267

Alamobelle, I'm so sorry to hear that. What I meant by no big deal, its the only way I can cope with it. Every time I go to the doc my heart sinks to the floor until I get the test results back. I need tell tell myself "no big deal in order to cope." If I didn't, I don't think I would be in the doctors office at all. My head would be in the sand.

I don't think Fraggle indicated that she has cancer from it. If she doesn't, and in the checking up stange & watching, she has a good chance of surving the cancer because it was caught early.

Please, please don't think I'm trying to down play it.

Nolonger

PS Alomobelle, congrats, you are a surviver, and again, my sincerest apolgies.