I am 43 and my daughter is 24. For all of her life she knows how messed up my family is from my grandparents, uncles, cousins, mom/dad, etc. However, neither of us ever knew about narcissism and the like.

What my daughter does know is how upset my family and parents make me; how I've struggled and been depressed at time b/c of situations, and she's seen me get down right angry b/c I think I just lose my mind when dealing with all of them. Because of this, I think she has distanced herself from my family over the years, and in fact lives in another state, recently married and finishing college. Of course, I feel abandoned at times b/c my crazy parents still cause alot of dysfunction, and I've been disowned over and over. I can't confide in my daughter about anything b/c she gets defensive and replies "I don't want to hear about it". SHe doesn't want to "take sides" since my parents are her only living grandparents.

It's not that I want her to take sides, its that I want to tell her what I've learned and am being healed from. We were always pretty close, so I want her to know that I am okay or will be okay. I want her to understand who they are, and what they are all about. I guess it's not my place to tell her? I don't know. I'm her mom, am I suppose to try and forewarn, or let her go thru the same emotions and issues that I went thru with them? Am I suppose to focus on me and just let her figure them out in her own time? How will she ever know I'm ok and healthy again if we can never talk about it?

I haven't even mentioned to her the N word or this website or anything relating to it. If I did, she would take it as I'm trying to make her choose to stay away or something. I keep telling myself, in this situation I need to not be the "friend" to her, but be the "mom" and realize I can't confide in her as a friend about this.

Your daughter is an adult and has the right to make her own choices and commit her own mistakes.

All you can do is share with her your point of view (in writing, once!) and refer her to literature:

Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/na ... ssage/4727

Sam