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tish
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 217
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 Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:09 am Post subject: Do Ns usually have many offspring? |
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| I am wondering if you have heard of an N having many children as a way to present a perfect picture to the community? I also believe he has stayed married for so long because it is such a source of pride for him to be such a great "family man". Did I mention the religious fervor?
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Rachelle
Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Posts: 612
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 5:13 am Post subject: |
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No..my experience has been the reverse..it hasn't suited the exN's image at all for me to be pregnant and he wishes noone to know that he will have a child with his blood out there in the world.
H sees himself as a single, attractive man with no ties and to him a child is a huge burden and a waste of time.
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People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in; their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
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Lukky
Site Admin
Joined: 11 Feb 2007
Posts: 2422
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 6:37 am Post subject: |
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Hey Tish.......
Gosh your mention of the words 'family man' brought back so many memories for me!!
That was one of ExNH's favourite statements!! "I just want to be a family man" OMG it was such a load of crock!!
We at one stage had seven kids living with us full-time, his four and my three and guess who did all the work involved with feeding, clothing and nurturing those children?? He loved people praising him up about what a good 'family man' he was!! Great parent and blah blah blah!!
In the end he deserted all of his children and went to the other end of the Country with OW!! Yupppp he was definitely a great 'family man'....
Shame we couldnt predict the outcome huhhhhh and have them all sterilised at birth??!!
(((((((Rachelle)))))))))
How much longer Hon?? Is it next month our Forum Baby is due????
Thinking of ya!!
Lukky
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'The Best reaction is no reaction'
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livedthroughit
Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 964
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:36 am Post subject: |
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Tish,
I think it depends. I can look at the ExN, and it is as if he had a particular "role" he has played at different times.
When I became pregnant with ExN's child, I think he was still thinking of himself as "party guy," so he had little problem walking away from me and the situation. Later, he had put on more of a "good christian" hat, and that's when he decided he thought we should be married and play the role of the perfect family. When I wouldn't accommodate his demand of an immediate reconciliation, he raged and began a custody war with me. He wanted that role of perfect family man and I wasn't helping him play it...
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louxloux
Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Posts: 1534
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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I think it really depends on what THEIR ideal image of themselves is. For some, I think it's 'family man'; for some it's 'see - I am soooo hot i have all these women pining over me'; for some it's 'I am THE shit and ONLY hang with the well-to-do, people with influence'; and I also think that there are some that feel that it makes them 'manly' (or fruitful in a religious sense) to 'plant their seed' as often as they can (with my ex, that even means with as many women as possible - and he also see's himself as the ideal 'family man').
These are just a few 'ideal images'... the possibilities of which an N clings to are various and endless.
Example of a Religious N with the ideal image of 'be fruitful and multiply':
I think Rusty Yates is a Narcissist. He is both 'religious'... and he insisted he and Andrea Yates have as many kids as possible - even though HE WELL knew that having children induced Psychosis in his wife. She is mentally ill; he is/was *suppose* to be the 'rational' one... but he was NOT making decisions in her or his family's best interest... he was making decisions based on his own ego and ideal image. VERY N. The result?? Andrea heard 'voices' telling her to kill her children to save their soul - so she drown them. All of them.
hope this helps,
loux
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Beautiful light is born of darkness, so the faith that springs from conflict is the strongest and the best. Light is the symbol of truth. Give light, & the darkness will disappear of itself.
~ This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...
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tish
Joined: 06 Sep 2007
Posts: 217
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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Very insightful.
thanks
p.s. lol about the multiplying with as many women as possible - yucky, huh
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NarcNobbler
Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 341
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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My XN worked through a questionare very early on in the r/s first week or two and I stated I would like to have children , she wanted to get pregnant almost immediately something I did find strange. She had thought she was pregnant twice and panicked.
After the D&D she told me she dispised the thoughts of haveing children but that was more a reflection on her present partner who had had kids and didn't want any more , he had given her an ultimatum that if she became pregnant it was him or the baby.
She is totally anti having children, but tries to attach to other peoples ???
Narc.
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God loves a trier, but I can take a hint!
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samvaknin
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Joined: 15 Feb 2007
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