Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Mildred1 · Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 386

I'll be quick as I have very limited access to the computer.

Saw the N in court yesterday (we're both in the legal/law enforcement field). I didn't recognize him at first............but there he was........with his black wings and his 2 looooooooong horns Evil or Very Mad

I tried to avoid him acting as if I didn't see him.........but that wouldn't slide............. he does have BIG N--b*lls.

Quick...quick...

He walked over to me and I had 2 choices ..... respond to his greeting or walk away. He said hello and I said hello. I have a very 'arrogant' look to me .......... I couldn't hide it. I was on top of the mountain looking down at retardo.

The encounter lasted a few second as I had to go in .....but it helped me soooo much. All of this time I've been so concerned about my reaction if I saw him....... what would I do ................what would I say.............how would I feel. The answers finally came.............

Nothing............. I feel NOTHING for the insignificant dirty rat! I did have a tremendous urge to fight him.........not slap him.........but fight him like a man. I pride myself on being a lady, but I didn't have any softness to me in those few seconds. I wanted to fight the pr*ck .......not to make a point either............ it was a pure violent emotion which I have never ever experienced. Of course, I was in control of myself the whole time.....and he didn't notice it at all. I'm not concerned about my reaction as I am still dealing with 'recovery' and anger is more than a normal emotion.

As I was walking away he said "I can tell you're disgusted with me but I still care about you". I didn't turn around but I waived my hand like Ms. Universe.

Not big deal --- he is nothing --- he means nothing to me and the world. I just wanted to share!

I am angry though --- I can tell I am a different person now ---- stronger, but a bit bitter ---- I have to work on that!

Got to run.........Ciao

Mildred1 · Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 386

Forgot one thing....

I am dating..... don't know if the guy is right or not as I am not giving him a chance. I am being a total 'nut-case' with him. I respond to everything he says in a sarcastic tone --- almost like I'm getting back at the N through the new guy. It is satisfying in a very sick kind of way Rolling Eyes

. I can tell he doesn't know what to do with me. He tries but I'm confusing the heck out of him (ie... He asks "what are we doing this weekend? I respond "I'll let you know"..... and when he doesn't call because he was waiting to hear from me I say...."but you didn't call me Confused

). Honestly, I can't control it!

I can tell I'm not ready to date yet! Poor guy --- I may suggest he purchases "Stop Walking on Egg Shells". I have to set him free though!

I am at total b*tch ----------no wonder why I am still single!!!!!

Yeah -- I know the tone of my posts sound frustrating ----- but I am letting the frustration out.

Thanks for letting me vent my friends.

nolongertrusting · Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 270

Mildred, isn't it nice to move on and only feel that he is just another face in the crowd.

The "I still care for you" what's with that? If you cared you have gotten it together long before now.

Take is easy on the new bloke you're dating. I've encountered that dating thing too. I haven't done it. I have to admit, I really feel sorry for any one new in my life. H*ll on wheels. No, I don't to take my agressions out on any one else.

Congrats for getting to this point Mildred.

nolonger

tish · Joined: 06 Sep 2007 Posts: 200

mildred,
It sounds as though you did just perfect when you saw N. I am proud of you. The fact that you did not rise to his bait of him still caring about you, well, that was genius!
This new guy may or may not be someone you need in your life, but I DO think it may be too soon for you to be dating. I am a big advocate of dating around (even if nobody ever asks me, lol), but it sounds like you are still healing a bit.

Lukky · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 2407

((((((((Mildred)))))))))

You did GREAT with the ExN!! Congratulations for keeping your dignity about you the way you did!! YOU ROCK!!

In regards to the man you are dating?? Sounds like maybe you arn't quite ready for dating yet perhaps?? I can totally understand where your mind is at though so just go with the flow knowing that if you are taking you past angers out on him perhaps your time isnt here yet to be seeing anyone.......

Always enjoy your Posts...

Hugs

Lukky
_________________
'The Best reaction is no reaction'

Mildred1 · Joined: 07 Jun 2007 Posts: 386

Thank you everyone! It wasn't difficult at all to see him face to face. He's so insignificant. The fact that he didn't put his mask on made it even easier. He knows I know he's s*it!

In regard to the new guy............ ahhhhh Rolling Eyes

-- I have to dish him this weekend. I didn't realize how not ready to date I was (or wasn't?). As evil as it may sound, I have enjoyed every opportunity I have had to put him in his place. He was calling me 'babe' on the second date Mad

! "I am not your babe, you moron!" What's up with that?!!! Even one day this week he wanted to come over my door to give me a hug and a kiss at 11PM......... I was like.... 'hey babe - I don't frigging think so". Come-on -- I just met him! He's probably rushing to impress me with his 'physical' skills. Well.... I'm not willing to give up Frank (electronic boyfriend) anytime soon! Take a hike buddy.

I'll just send him his way this weekend and give myself some more time to heal. I am almost there -----I have always been a b-on-wheels ---- so I'm not concerned about that 'little' flaw Cool

.

Good weekend my friends.

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Connecticut, USA

Oh Mildred, I loved your post. I can tell I'm not ready to date because I'm waiting for someone to ask me out so I can cut him down. That is so not like me! But the feeling is there, so it must be a sign that I have a ways to go yet. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I would have responded the same way. I'm nobody's babe either. You had me laughing.

As for seeing the N, I see the XN in court regularly. More regularly than I'd like, actually. He's nothing. He's a small, pinched-faced, angry man. Ick.

I think your feelings of wanting to hit him are terrific and healthy. So long as you don't act on them, of course. But the feelings are good. Sounds like you have a well-balanced sense of self these days. Bravo.