Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

haylee0623 · Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 84

I was wondering if N's dump you because they find a new group of friends. In which before the dump they dont want you to really meet these people they call friends. Also is it normal for them to put their friendships before the relationship and why would they end a relationship just because they found new friends?

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 570

Hi haylee

My exN liked to keep everyone separate, family in one compartment, OW in each of their compartments, male friends in individual compartments, I put this down to the fact that if everyone got together, then questions might be raised about the stories that he has told and ALL would find out that he is a fraud.

Mine has never dumped anyone, he distances himself, but ensures that contact is still possible by happy friendly or attempts at sympathy calls or sms every few months.

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

Narcissists can't empathise or love and, therefore, have no friends. The narcissist is one track minded. He is interested in securing Narcissistic Supply from Narcissistic Supply Sources. He is not interested in people as such. He is incapable of empathising, is a solipsist, and recognises only himself as human. To the narcissist, all others are three dimensional cartoons, tools and instruments in the tedious and Sisyphean task of generating and consuming Narcissistic Supply.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal85.html

Question:

Do narcissists have friends?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq37.html

sm33 · Joined: 13 Mar 2007 Posts: 344

haylee , when my exN started to devalue me, it was cause he got more involved again with his other christian group friends and then when he broke up with me he was obsessed with them, in the idealization phase , he put me first but it was cause he was distant with everyone at that time, its like he either has all his friends and is "right with GOd " or he just has me. who knows if they were in the devaluing stage when he was with me. also mine had also compartmentalized his life from me, i was never close with his friends or groups or his sister and her family, i did see them on occasion for a few moments and met his sister whne he was idealzing phase, but it never was close and he would always act so uncomfortable and weird and it would cause fights,,he wouldn't even introduce me to his best friends gf;s and people it made me feel so crappy.he never really talked too much about his life his job or anything , more in the beg but later one nothng at all. haylee, did yours leave you for other woman, mine didn't, basically he didn't want me and didn't think i was the one and he left me for better NS friends and groups and things..i think it was also cause i got to close and needed more and criticized how he started to treat me and he was terrified his perfect world would find out i think, im sure there are other reasons he thinks but that is about the time things started getting really bad.anyway i wanted to share that with you i related to your post.

gonnamakeit · Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 129

I met my N through mutual friends, within the first year he had completely isolated me from them, due to smear campaign and crazy making tactics. He also kept friends seperate from family and myself. One of his "friends" said that when ever we were back together he never heard from the N, blamed me. We used to fight over his friends always being more important. So glad all this crap is over. Day by day, I realize how happy I am to never have to endure another moment of it.

haylee0623 · Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 84

My N left me because he said that we couldnt be together because i bring out the worst in him and that he needed to find himself. But he is busy taking care of his friends that he just met a couple of months ago. It seemed to me the more these friends wanted to hang out with him and needed him because of their struggles. he futher pushed me away and just acted like I was never their for him. Like he says now his friends are their for him and helping him through this breakup. I think the breakup was just so he could get their attention. Well now he has it and doesnt want me. which in time I'm learning its better this way. we just broke up a week ago. He hasnt contacted me and i havent him. How high is the chance that he will try contacting me. Also do they contact you months after the relationship is over.

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 570

They contact months and even years after breakups...so prepare yourself for that

sm33 · Joined: 13 Mar 2007 Posts: 344

yes haylee similar situation happened with me...and yes it better this way..and also yes he will contact..mine goes months and he always says he isnt in love but you never know what could happen or he even said that there is no point to even be friends and then will call and ask to hang out..he is on his i need to find myself and have God finish all he needs to in him and he cant talk or hang out or anything..it has to be better for me too, i know God is looking out after much prayer and i get so weak when it comes to N but know i have to prepart myself for when he comes back...it doesn't even mean haylee he will come back cause he wants a commitment with you or you in a relationship..whenever his friends arent doing it for him or he has a time where is low on NS , he will come back and try to get something out of you..beware it is not worth it. i pray for all of you and will add you on my list ...this is all for the best and dotn take it personal he is sick and he is using your breakup to make himself gain NS...that's it..he will even devalue his friends eventually.you got too close and they dont know what you saw yet.

fraggle_1972 · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 570

My exN was still contacting one of his other women eight-nine years after their live in affair ended.

He was royally pi@@ed when she and I become friends, I changed all my number due to his stalking and she was in the process of moving and changing jobs so he never got her new details.

He did however phone around approx 100 stores looking for her best friend so he could continue to smear me, hoping that she would contact him out of sympathy.

Milo56 · Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:03 am Post subject:

I think 'friends' is a very loosely used term when in to comes to N's. They might have a heap of 'acquaintances', even some of long standing but on reflection XN rarely made calls or efforts to catch up with (supposed) 'friends' (unless he wanted something), except a couple of exOW 'friends'.
His parents, son and one exOW were the only 3 who ever sent him birthday cards and only two 'old friends' from interstate (plus the abovementioned exOW who lives OS) ever sent him Xmas cards.
_________________
"Recovery has its own rhythm and it can be a slow dance. Forward,back, cha cha cha. Side, side, cha cha cha. Forward, forward, cha cha cha."

Hank · Joined: 13 Jun 2008 Posts: 26

johndeago · Joined: 20 Jan 2008 Posts: 22

My 'N' joined a church Rolling Eyes

she seemed to place more importance on it than our relationship. Then proceded to devalue everyone in the church....sound familiar?

She made a new girlfriend, this also seemed more important than our relationship. I heard her on the phone one day almost begging her new friend to come round for dinner (as she needed the supply).

One day, her friend came round for coffee in the afternoon. I had to iron some shirts for work (she was a housewife but never did anything for me).
As I was ironing a shirt, her friend said does 'N' not iron your shirts for you? The 'N' immidiatly stepped in and said 'he does'nt deserve it' completely out of the blue! I was gobsmacked at the sudden humiliation.

Weeks later, the 'N' had seriously become enemys with her new found girlfriend (over something small wich I can't remember). Text messages were exchanged to what I can only describe as a normal young woman from the 'N'.......foul language etc etc.

She comes to me for help and advice. I'm not interested.
Well arn't you going to support me then? She says.......

I recollected to her about how she humilliated me infront of her friend Rolling Eyes

when I was ironing my shirts. I said, do you deserve any support from me?

She went completely quiet and walked away...never mentioning it again!

I am venting here a little, but friends mean nothing to them unless the supply is going good.

John

beenie1691 · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 56

My exN kept me seperate from his so called friends. Its was when I finally met them that I realised He was a complete liar. He was acting like He was such a great boyfriend in front of them. Pretending we had this great relationship it was such a pile of crap !! When they let it slip that he had been going round his exgf house at night to see his poorly daughter, he knew hed been busted !!! His NS came in many forms his boss, his friends and his step son. Any one he could use for material gain or to make himself feel or look good. Shocked