Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

limited wrote:

My NM likes to recycle clothes she bought for herself and either she didn't like or did not fit her. Sometimes they look new, other times you can see that they have been used. She also likes to buy things on sales in what she thinks are uppity-up shops, usually these items are on sale because gaudy or out of fashion. She basically buys what she wants, with no regards for my taste or desires, but she always did make a great fanfare on how great and valuable the present is. And she usually wraps them with old paper, shoddily and then writes all over the package instead of wrriting you a card.

Okay how are you related to my sister? Cool

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Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

TruthSeeker2 · Joined: 14 May 2008 Posts: 33 Location: New York State

Hello, Everyone, Wink

Although I've posted on other topics, I haven't until now posted on this gift giving as a form of control - and I should because my NM does it all the time. She has always done it. Everything each of you say is so true. Even though I'm a year late posting on this topic, perhaps some of you like justme, whom I've seen recent entries for, will come back and read. Also, there are always new people to add their comments.

amybrad1971, what you said about all the toys and stuffed animals being untouchable and placed so high you couldn't reach or play with them is really a new twist on warpedness. Never heard that one before. Sounds like she did it to put her facade of generosity on display and not to make anyone happy. What she did to your children by buying them toys that were never allowed to go home with them, wow, I never heard that before. Talk about control. Your kids must detest her. A person just doesn't do that - keep attractive toys out of reach - to torture little kids knowing they want them. Always the carrot and the stick. That's sadistic. The part about your NM giving you a "tab" for everything she ever bought you is appalling. N's are also known to be very greedy and cheap. They don't do anything unless they get NS (N supply) for it. Have any of you others been "teased and tormented" the way amybrad1971 has over gifts? And amybrad1971, if you want to find out for sure if your NM is a for-real, full-blown NM, take the survey for characteristics of an NM Dr. Karyl McBride offers on her site called "When Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" That's what sealed the deal for me. Perhaps in the year since you posted here, you've found her site. As far as I'm concerned, your NM is the real thing. A N doesn't have to have all the traits to be a narcissist. That survey will get you thinking and analyzing, believe me. Smile

My NM has always "given" - money, clothing, food and recently all her fine jewelry. As a child, I never lacked for anything. NM and my father (not a N but an enabler, now dead for almost 12 years) are well-off, so it was always I who was in need as an adult (long story). My NM always gives to get credit and recognition for it, and she has said I never give her enough NS for what she does. Of course, she says stuff like how she's been "supporting" me all my life and gotten nothing in return for it. Always the guilt, never satisfied or able to acknowledge when something is done for her, because she's "entitled" to it for all she's done. She gives to get services rendered, and unfortunately, we need the $. I will admit she's done a lot over the years, but the price I've had to pay for it is incalculable. Blood money and pounds of flesh exacted. Should I, as the only child, get an inheritance, boy, have I earned it. Exclamation

I have no trouble accepting gifts and receiving $ or things from people because I've had to in order to live. That's no longer as much the case, but it still is a struggle. I love to buy gifts for people to make them happy. My NM is incapable of accepting gifts and either refuses them or insists on paying the giver for them. She can never be in a position of vulnerability where she isn't in control. She always says how no one has ever given her anything, how she started from nothing and made good, so I suppose her sense of self-reliance is over the top.

But look at her now. Right now, she's in a nursing home next to a hospital since last week, because she can't take care of herself or walk and they want to try to get her to walk. If she makes it through six weeks of rehab, that will be something unexpected, because she doesn't have patience for anything nor can she take the discipline and pain. She's in the nursing home only because she sabotaged everything my husband and I tried to get for her for home care. Therefore, the social worker called the police and they took her away. It didn't have to be that way. But you know how NP's are, they destroy everyone and everything in their paths. You can read more about my story in other topics dispersed in the blog. I'm on NC and my stalwart husband visits, keeps on top of the situation, attends to her needs like taking care of the house. Rolling Eyes

I agree that NP's give to lure you in, take advantage of your need and get NS. It's a honey trap, pure and simple. If I didn't have material needs that could be met some other way, I would've left her in the dust long ago. So, now I've decided on the NC as of about two months ago. She's still hanging on to control for dear life, which is why she won't give me power of attorney, which everyone says she should have given me long ago. But that's NP's. They don't trust anybody (paranoia can often times accompany NPD). Only when she dies will we be free. Rolling Eyes

Keep up the good fight, and if you can avoid taking anything from these snakes, then do so because there will always be strings attached. Evil or Very Mad

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Be civil to all, social with some and known by few.