Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Gabby · member Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 1

I am new here and this is my first post. I found this site after recently discovering that my Mother is very likely NPD. After reading stories of the other posters here, I feel like maybe I'm being too hard on her and have possibly incorrectly labeled her.

Here is a little background...

I don't like to be around her because she frustrates and embarrasses me. She's fussy and rude in public and runs over others. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've been hesitant to introduce her to people I know because I'm concerned about how she will act in front of them. She comes off as a know it all and tends to dominate the conversation.

It seems like she's getting worse with age too. Her marriage to my Father imploded 22 years ago, she had one relationship after that, and then decided having another person in your life required too much compromise. Apparently, allowing others their turn to talk during a phone conversation also requires too much.

She has had major falling outs with most of her "friends" at one time or another...a few have come back (on a limited basis) but most seemed to have decided it wasn't worth the effort. Several of them have even made comments to me on the side...they have called it her "OCD."

A few years ago she actually admitted (which was shocking because she is NEVER wrong) that when I was in HS she wouldn't let me go do things because she was jealous. She said it made her mad that I was young and cute and getting to do things she never got to do.

Once a friend of hers tried to talk to her about her being jealous, and overly competitive after several other friends noticed there was a problem. She proudly told me about how she went on a verbal tirade and told the woman that there was nothing wrong with her, and that friend was the one with the problem. You can't offer criticism because she either shuts down or argues to the death.

She has something negative to say about everyone she knows. Even if their life appears to be happy and well adjusted, she will find some way to put them down or make them seem flawed in some way.

Everyone needs to agree with her or they are wrong. She once spent the better part of a half an hour telling me why I was wrong for not liking a new model of vehicle. I just said I didn't care for the look and she was hell bent on changing my mind.

She was a manager at her job, and near the end of her career she found herself on the losing end of a lawsuit for mistreatment of an employee. It was not even a work related issue...she didn't like the lady because of some decisions she had made in her personal life.

She is the most glaring example of no self discipline I've ever seen. She will not deny herself anything. She has battled her weight for as long as I can remember because she can't deny herself food she wants. She has gotten herself into serious debt a couple of times because of her spending. We've even had to offer financial assistance due to this one.

She has made up wild stories about being sexually abused by her brother, allergic to various foods that she ends up eating again after the new wears off that claim, and once while in her 50's she told some people in front of me that she was dyslexic(sp). This was the first I'd ever heard of that and she has never displayed the struggles associated with that problem...10 years later that claim has also been abandoned.

She wears flashy clothes and accesories, not tight or revealing, but definitely attention getters. She talks too loudly in public as if she wants others to be mesmerized by her interesting life. She desperately needs to be the center of attention in everything she does.

She is an expert on any subject that she has the slightest knowledge, and will lecture you with her knowledge in order to prove this point.

She has never been physically abusive towards me but I now realize there were some mind games going on when I was younger. She never took my side on any issue. I was raised to believe whenever bad things happened to me that I had probably done something to bring it on myself.

I am an only child and do not have any siblings that I can share my thoughts with so any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for the length of this post but wanted to give a clear picture.

Thanks in advance!
Gabby

smith01285 · member Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 12

um yeah,

shes definitely a narcissist...

LIfesong · member Joined: 26 May 2008 Posts: 2

A diagnosis of NPD can only be made by a clinician - it's important to not attach a diagnosis of NPD to someone cavalierly. I think that too many times we say that someone has a personality disorder when we barely know what we ourselves are talking about, and I think that is unfair.

Having said that, however, I have to say that my mother is diagnosed NPD. She is all that you've said (except perhaps with much more style, subtlety and finesse, ha!) and much more.

To me, from what you've written here, I'd say that your mother does have narcissistic traits.

There is a difference between having traits and having the disorder.

You did a great job describing your mother!