Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Brielle · member Joined: 24 Mar 2008 Posts: 14

My mother is a narcissist but 'the penny dropped' for me only 3 years ago. I have always tried to be there for my mother, through her breakdowns, suicide attempts, cancer, divorce etc etc but she'd still constantly put me down, told me I'm no good, told me I've always been a problem, screamed at me if I won't do what she wants and sends me long nasty letters. She never apologises because she believes she is perfect and she has no empathy when she's seen me sobbing over her hurtful comments and behaviour. (she sits there with a big smirk on her face as if she's enjoying it) I realise I have spent my whole life trying to please her and get her approval and desperately trying to get her to like me.

She has influenced my siblings against me, sucking them in by showering them with 'material' things and constantly telling them lies and running me down to make them feel the 'special' ones I have had a tough time trying to deal with the loss of my whole family but am tired of trying to prove to my siblings I'm ok.(even though for years they too would complain about our mother and her sick ways) My mother makes out she is the victim because I've cut contact with her.

I have my own family, a very supportive husband and two wonderful daughters and I have had no contact with my mother for 2 years now. She still tries to manipulate me by sending me cards with beautiful verses that just don't match her narcisstic behaviour, asking me to a 'family dinner' carrying on as if nothing has ever happened. Sad really that she thinks an insincere card and a dinner will solve everything.

When I decided enough was enough and cut contact with her, a good friend told me, not to worry because she will turn on someone else now she can't target me. Sure enough, she has fallen out with her 3 sisters and brother all of whom I get on with very well and it's so nice to have people who truly understand (because my mother can hide her narcissist ways to lots of people and comes across sickly sweet)

I still get affected badly by the cards/letters she sends (only about 3 a year though) but I continue to be strong and ignore her contact and not be drawn into her manipulative ways.

It is the best feeling though to be finally free of her and her sick behaviours. Since I've stopped contact with her, I have had counselling and am working on believing in myself and realising for the first time in my life, I am alright and not all these bad things my mother has told me all my life I am. My husband and children can notice I'm a much happier person without her in my life.

I was pleased to come across this site. Makes me realise I'm not alone and that her 'condition' is very real. Nice to know there's a place where we can support one another.

monkeynurse · member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 3

I think we have the same mother!!!!

smith01285 · member Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 12

be strong.

i know what it is to have a mother like that dude...

talk about your EMOTIONAL DRAINAGE...

my mother has suffered from nervous breakdowns too. i guess its common to the condition.

but i know ima make it through. i know you will too.

its okay to love her but LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and set boundaries. dont do anything you are not comfortable with.

smith01285 · member Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 12

... and burn those damned cards and letters!!
seriously. put them in the fireplace and watch them burn to ash.

baby_kay · member Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 237

We have the same mother also..............to a tee.

My NM played the same game to me, they have to ailenate you from the family and any contacts, when you finally have enough and go NC, for the sake of your own family. I know exactly the game, cuz been there too. I am NC for 7 years, about a year ago, she gets my grandma, and my gram is dying so I am around the bitch for a couple of months due to NC. And she is like your mom, and thinks like nothing has every happened either, and used this scenario to try to play on me.

The other thing, my NM has my sister doing same to me. My sister claims, loves me, we need to make our relationship work, (which does not becuase NM is always in the middle,) and in two seconds, is back with NM telling all about me and my family. My NM has leveled my life twice, with her games.
I feel your pain, believeme..............I really do.

ManicMatt · member Joined: 08 Jul 2008 Posts: 7

My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder and it sounds a lot like that, except with my mother there were periods where I was perfect, the 'Golden Child' and it would end, since I was young though I always thought that was annoying.