Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

americanwoman · member Joined: 10 May 2008 Posts: 7

I am married to a narcissist. We were separated end of March 2008 and am peititioning for divorce. He left me for someone half his age that he got to know at his workplace.

He has the same pattern with every relationship, he charms the woman and captivates her in the beginning - then becomes emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive. He is the king of denial and refuses to do anything for himself, then blames everyone around him for things not going his way. When the current woman starts to zone in on his behavior, he finds someone on the side and leaves his relationship - not before he is sure the new woman is in his grasp.

I began fairly early pointing out if he did something he shouldn't - disrespectful, lying, verbal abuse,etc. He attempted to manipulate me with not much luck, cause I told him exactly what he was doing and that i was onto him. So lying and intimidation became his weapons of choice. He would do just about anything if he was sure that he would not get caught and only confessed to one thing ever with no proof from myself. Why did he confess? Because he stole money from an organization he is secretary for and used that money to buy a keyboard for my son 18 months before i got the confession. That way he thought I looked like the the bad guy for letting my son use an item that he obtained through theft and deceit.

One of the nastiest things he used to do to me was public appearances. If he was verbally abusive to me at home in the morning and wonderful to other people later that day when we went to a friends or relative's house - I got the typical 'He's so wonderful, you are so lucky to have him!' This used to drive me crazy and even tears somedays. He of course dealt with this in his typical way - telling everyone that i was crazy and to just ignore me when i got in a mood. I decided I'd had enough of that crap and started telling people what he was really like. I started saying 'Well he called me a lazy bitch this morning because he left his dirty dishes out and I refused to clean them up'. They would look all shocked and confused wondering why I would be so nuts to say such a thing about him when he was just across the lawn laughing and looking so nice and happy. If he was within earshot I didn't have a problem with that either. His reactions to my brutal honesty gave him away and after awhile, people did start to see his bullsh** for what it really was and stick up for me. No, i do not believe in airing dirty laundry, but i was honestly sick of him telling people there was something wrong with me when i knew damn well it wasnt me.

I really thought that making him live up to his lies and embarrassing him when he was acting psycho would make him see his ways and give up the charade. It did not work. He just simply found someone who does not know his ways and feels sorry for him at how badly I treated him. He says all his ex's treated him badly - has grand stories of how they all cheated and wouldn't work so he had to accept the brunt of bill paying, etc.

Now i must think of a way to personally thank his new victim for taking that useless piece of crap out of my life.

Stand4Change · member Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 67

You're funny!

I like your style.

I wish you all the best in your divorce and in your beautiful new life together with your Self (who sounds like a much better companion than your soon-to-be-ex).
_________________
It is absolutely necessary for you to seek to obtain genuinely accurate insight and understanding. Then you can travel freely anywhere and avoid being confused by the common sort of spiritual charmer.
Lin Chi (d 867)

haullee · member Joined: 24 Apr 2008 Posts: 54

Try not to talk to much to people that are mutual friends...best advice. If you are in the middle of a dicvorce he can manipulate this to make you look crazy and stalkerish. I knwo fomr experience. People started to turn away on the streets when they saw me.

Mine is a charmer too, he moved on to another girl 3 weeks after he offically mocved out. Two months later he was back on my doorstep...but the dmagae was done. There was so many other things, but that one was the the one that gave me ammo to keep out of his way. Yes he does try to come back...be careful, if you are done stay done. These guys wil always look back and around to see what options they have, dont let him think you are an option.

Count yoru blessings and approach this as though he was a stranger that you met in a bar and had a child with. No emotions, thankful for the child, but sad about how it happened.

To this day people still say I made a bad choice in letting him go bc he clearly loves his child. But hey dont know the weekends and weeks that drag into 21 days straight with no calls, or apperances to soccer games. All they see is him the one time out of 30 days that he does show up and he is superdad on that day. I am super mom 365 days a year.....

americanwoman · member Joined: 10 May 2008 Posts: 7

to Haullee: Sounds like your support network is a bit limited and that is a shame. I guess if anyone turned from me on the street, I really wouldn't care - I could just assume that they are some of the few that believe his lies so i wouldn't want to talk with them anyway.

I have been very lucky and have a great support network. Not one person I know thinks I should have my husband back. They all know him and know him well and are in support of my decision to permanently alienate him from my life.