Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Starglider · member Joined: 16 May 2008 Posts: 1

I am a newbie, but I see my mother in so many of your posts. My childhood with her: she married an alcoholic man, was depressed and slept all the time. Had the whole house dancing to her tune with weeping and never being satisfied with anything we did. She even told us she thought she had been royalty in another life and that's why we should all do all the housework and not her. She has also always been very envious, especially about other people having money. Oh, and she buys new clothes like there is no tomorrow.

She seems to be getting better with age but some odd behaviors still pop out. I am wondering if anyone's NM does the following behavior.

Sometimes she'll ask me something and then refuse to believe my answer. It's like she won't let me have my own feelings or reality. SHE wants to tell me what it is. It is very distressing, because I am an honest, very conscientious person.

Has anyone else experienced this with a NM?

nocaster · member Joined: 14 May 2008 Posts: 20

cnh128 · member Joined: 21 Oct 2007 Posts: 5

I'm not surprised to hear that an N parent would do this, but it's not the experience I had. My NM didn't care if I even had an opinion and would continue talking about whatever she wanted and tuned out to the fact that I was responding. The only relevant opinion on any subject was hers. I could have been anybody, when she was relaying her opinion - her cashier at convenience store, her bank teller, her auto mechanic. Didn't matter. I was just anouther warm body to sit there and listen to her talk about her favorite subject= HER.

The end result is pretty much the same though, right? Theirs was the only one worth believing.

baby_kay · member Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 237

AMEN,
they love to audience. We are put here for them to make their performances, and for us to bear witness. My NM was and is the same way to this day. Shes's the only one who knows anything, or has an opinion worth hearing. If you express some other opinion or correct her, you are not loyal, or YOUR GANGING UP ON HER. My mother does this thing, where if she is not getting the reaction she wants, (which would usually be poor her) she goes through 3 stages, 1. she cries, to illicite you to feel sorry for her, and then she gets pissed, and then she rages, all in seconds. And plates fly, and things are smashed, and the ranting and raving goes on and on.......and then if someone else enters the room, as this is all taking place, she turns and says I said something mean, and how dare I???? Freaky hey, I was at her house once, she and I were gonna go shopping. She has like a hobby farm, anyways, she was down in her barn. I got there early and just waited in the house, as she came up the drive way, she was crying and carring on, she didn't know I was there, I was watching her out the patio door. Anyways, a dog, from some other farm, must have gotten lost, and was on the front lawn, as she came up the walk, she started flayling her arms, and yelling at the poor dog, who looked so very scarred, and I just watched, this strange woman, just acting like a maniac. She finally entered the house, and saw me, and was like "OH, your here??". And I said "What the hell was all of that", she said she was afraid the dog, was gonna bite her, I said, that poor dog, looked like it was gonna crap itself, you scarred him so. She just dismissed me, and said she had to shower, and how insensative I was to her. I was like, the woman has cracked. Odd stuff like that all the time. Its like God forgot to give her an "OFF" button. SHe doen't see it. Anyone else watching that, would have thought she needed serious help. But thats my NM. Crazy, and wack.
Just thought I would share.....
baby kay

thegabrielle77 · member Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 315

Starglider

wlw35 · member Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 374

gabrille, love the remark about holding the mirror, guess I knew it, but never heard it put exactly that way. The picture is worth a thousand words, do you rec. the book?wlw

lynn1234 · member Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 769

I remember something similar as a kid.. When I had a different yet respectful view on something and voiced it.. like I mentioned in a very meak and humble way so as not to piss anyone off.... all hell would break loose.. My opinion if different from my NM or my stepdad( can't tell yet if he was an N or Bipolar) In anycase.. any view I had that was different then theres was met with hositlity and I was told that I was talking back to them! Shocked

I would get punished, sometimes slaped other times cursed at for any differing viewpoint! I learned early on that if I had a differning view.. even as simple as mom likes this food and I prefer that one... Better to keep my smartalec mouth shut! I learned not to express myself.. I had to be a clone of NM and stepdad.. thing was.. I had my own interests that did differ.. so I was treated like an alien child...
My sister shared similar interests as NM and her dad.... down to just about everything.. so she was the GC... later as a teen and an adult she could say and do just about anything without any consiquences for the most part... I was also not my stepdads real daughter.. My sister was deffinately favored for that reason also.. and my NM got special attention from her husband for producing such a magnificant child....
I was the ex-s daughter... I don't think she got the same adoration from my stepdad for being my NM...so I was treated like an alien

TruthSeeker2 · Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:00 am Post subject:

[b]Starglider writes:[/b]

Sometimes she'll ask me something and then refuse to believe my answer. It's like she won't let me have my own feelings or reality. SHE wants to tell me what it is. It is very distressing, because I am an honest, very conscientious person.

Has anyone else experienced this with a NM?

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How can anyone who has an NP not experience criticism, being minimized and diminished, talked down to and poo-pooed, invalidated, mocked and just generally put down? This is classic NP behavior. They pretty much all do it but they do it in their own individual style. Twisted Evil

My NM likes to ask probing questions and put me on the spot. She will ask about me, people I know, even politics and religion Twisted Evil

The problem with me is because I'm like Starglider, who says he/she is honest and forthright, I didn't learn until recently to keep my mouth shut and to not express myself as lynn1234 mentioned she did early on in her life. Well, I sure do it now and have no trouble about doing it. This miserable piece of human flesh I'm forced to admit is my mother has so terrorized me all my life, I finally just couldn't take it anymore. I freeze when the questions start. I will say things like "I don't know.", "Same old, same old", "Nothing new." and "Let's not go there, because I have now learned it's no use talking to you because it just gives you ammunition to shoot me down with." I've had it. And that's what any of you out there reading this and who has the same basic problem should do. It's the only way to come out of it alive. You can't talk to N's - so don't. There are plenty of other people in your lives you can speak freely with. You don't need HER. Stick with people who affirm, validate and respect you even when you differ.

I've been on NC for a couple of months now, so I don't see or speak with her at all. And that's the way it will be until the day she dies, which may be a possibility at any time now that she's deteriorated so badly at age 88. She has reaped what she's sown. Mad

Keep up the good fight! Wink

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Be civil to all, social with some and known by few.