Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

NancyCT · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 2:36 pm Post subject: Here we go again

It's that time of month again - you all know the drill. I reappear before my favorite judge next week to try once again to convince him that the business equity is gone and that the XN needs to stop sucking off of my inheritance and get a job. Remember - after 6 mos. not working, XN has started a competing business, not making money yet - with this judge's blessings. The judge expects me to support this new endeavor financially.

I spoke with my lawyer this morning and read her the riot act. How could it possibly be going so badly? I have paid her at least 20K so far, and my case keeps going from bad to worse.

Just found out I WILL be getting this same judge for the trial. Good news is, it might be rescheduled for July instead of August.

I will speak with my lawyer again this afternoon. I am ready to start making demands. The question is, what should I be demanding? I am so lost in all of this - failing miserably. I need to become more educated, but I don't know how.

Summer · member Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 923

deleted

vmm · member Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 186

Nancy,
I was just thinking. Is the porsce part of the business? I mean N probaby wrote it off on the business. So is N coing to sell the porsche, keep the cash from the sale away from you and drain more from your business while he competes with it?

How can he get to your inheritance money to use it?

NancyCT · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 6:29 pm Post subject:

Thank you!!!!!

Did you hear that Purplegirl's XN settled? She's divorced already! Maybe we can get her over hear to teach some classes or something?

The Porsche is not part of the business. The business was 100% in my name. I've done all the books. I know some people do those things, but how could a Porsche possibly be a legitimate business expense? Kinda difficult to make deliveries in a 2-seater. The tax laws just don't allow it. I can't imagine a situation where the IRS will allow the write-off of a sports car.

At the last hearing, the judge ordered that I pay our taxes owed for '07 out of my inheritance - to the tune of 40K. His lawyer pointed out that because we haven't settled the property yet, a determination has not yet been made as to whether or not this asset is dividable. I am also paying the XN monthly, supposedly from the business equity, but the equity is long since gone and I've had to transfer money in from my inheritance to continue to run the business and pay him his monthly draw. I presented it before the judge, but failed. He reduced the draw by 20%. I pay the XN more than I make, so it has to come from the inheritance, my only liquid asset, which was supposed to be for my kids' educations.

I signed a paper agreeing to the sale of the Porsche, but I don't see any for sale sign on it yet.

I'm not seeing a way out of this, and from where I stand right now I think I should just shut up and continue the payments until settlement, then hope that it comes out right in the end. If I go in there again and fail, there is no way this same judge is going to be impartial at trial. I already don't see how he can be. I must remind him of his wicked stepmother or something, I don't know.

vmm · member Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 186

irs is federal law. Don't think county official can order you to sign a joint return.

NancyCT · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 11:37 pm Post subject:

He didn't make me sign a return. Actually, our taxes aren't filed yet, I filed an extension. But I already knew we would owe big, and if we didn't pay it we would have hefty fines and penalties. The extension is only on the forms, not the payments. I asked for a hearing to determine how to pay the taxes, expecting XN to be held liable for half, and the judge ordered me to pay it all out of my inheritance because it was the only asset between us that wouldn't get hit with early withdrawal penalties.

NancyCT · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 11:40 pm Post subject:

This is the same judge that ordered me to close my business and hand all of the assets and equipment over to the XN to get him going in his new competing business. I'm not kidding. My lawyer asked for a clarification, and said, "Um, that's not legal? You can't order division of the assets until settlement." The judge overturned his ruling on that one, allowing me to keep my business, but still allowed XN to get his competing business going, funded by my income from my own business to the tune of $5K / month, more than I make.

Shadey Lady · member Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Posts: 193

Nancy,

I know this is the tough part right now. The part where you think that your own thinking is skewed and you can't figure out where. My N didn't take me to court during the process, so I can't relate to all your court stories. But I do remember the complete and total confusion I was in, trying to figure out what in the world N was thinking or doing. Unfortunately, it comes with the territory of breaking up with an N.

I hope that you have some friends or family who can keep you on the path you need to take. Someone who will question your motives and the reason you are taking the path you are on. I know that the stress of the divorce and your financial situation is taking a toll on you. For me, that stress made it very hard for me to think straight. I would go into a mild panic mode and my thinking would scatter to the four winds. I could hardly keep my thoughts in line; I could barely function. Fortunately, I had some friends who asked me pertinent questions, which boiled down to: what was important and necessary for me? Was it money or the kids or the business or was it my ego and self esteem? Those questions helped focus me onto the right path.

I so admire your courage, Nancy. I am sure that you are very frustrated and worried right now. When I was in your position in the divorce process, I finally sat down and made N a financial offer. ( through my lawyer of course.) I was very generous to him, almost to the point of ridiculousness, but I could not stand another minute of the physical and emotional toll it was taking on me. I told myself it was only money I was giving up. I was getting my life back without N. It was worth the trade off.

For me, part of the divorce process included the (delusional) thinking on my part that somehow "society" ( read that friends, social systems and even the judicial system) would see through N and back me up. For me that was a hard part to get over. I was hoping that the lawyers and judges would laugh, the friends would point fingers and family members would lecture N. WRONG Nobody wants to do any of the above. We all know that on some level, but I so wanted people to see N for who he really was and then ignore him and support me. So I had to become my own best advocate for what was best for me. I had to tell myself that getting rid of N and all the stress had to be done and giving up my financial equity in the farm was the way I had to do it.

I don't write my thoughts very well and I don't mean to imply that you are in any way doing things wrong. Sometimes we fight the very thing that would be the best for us. I know, because I did it for years.

I just wanted to voice my support to a very courageous lady and offer a possible alternative to your thinking. Maybe getting rid of the business, ignoring the porsche and working in a greenhouse would nourish your soul. Does your state allow substitute teachers to teach without an education degree? My state does, so could you teach and work on getting your degree to make it full time?

I trust your judgement and your sense of self. You are doing well, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. You will find the answers you need.

peace, Shadey Lady

dagna · member Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 493

Hi Nancy,
I am glad you are standing up to your lawyer. It seems like they are paid to take care of us, you shouldn't have to do that, but there goes that should/is problem again...

The thing with the Ns is that they although they are all the same, they also have their own 'thing' going. The unfortunate 'thing' for you is that yours can't seem to let you go. You also have the disadvantage of having complex assets and a judge who seems to hate women.

Sorry this is such a drag. Bleh.
Dagna
_________________
Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
-Paul Simon

Stand4Change · member Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 67

I am so confused!

Okay, why is your inheritence being used for him? Isn't it exempt from marital division? Since the judge ordered you to fund his business (is this supposed to be allimony?) if you take the person's advice to close your business and work in a greenhouse then you will still be ordered to pay him from your inheritence. If the inheritence is half his, then maybe you need to face the fact that either he will squander it or you will lose half of it to him anyway. If you can do this legally, take $ out and buy your children pre-paid college funds. That sounds like being two steps ahead Smile

I see a long bleed in your path ifyou continue this way.

Not really konwing the facts, so forgive me if I am out in left field, but my suggestion is get this over with asap with a juicy sttlement offer that he can't refuse. You're not going to like this I'll bet, but I say give him your business in exchagne for what you cannot live without. Again, forgive, but it really seems stupid for the judge to order you to fund his competing business. That sounds like bad marketing and bad business for both of you. I've made foolish mistakes for sure, but you may be able to get this over with and it is always better to settle. Trust me on that one, I didn't settle. When I look at his offers now I want to kick myself for being such a prideful fool.

You can always open a new business. You can't always buy a new house. Once the money is spent, you cannot get it back. And untilyou are divorced, you are liable for all of his bad decisions, and also for half of everything that happened during your divorce.

Please be aware my judge said he used to order marital homes to be sold, until he had someone come back and overturn on him--he didn't konw it was illegal. Scary, isn't it? He ordered me to pay equity and busienss debt in the amount of wht would equal 3 years salary. How am I supposed to pay that? I don't think he understood what he was saying (again). I think he thought he was giving me a very fair deal. Hah! Just beware that judges are not experts, it sounds like you can afford to bring your own to court to educate the judge.