Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2444

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"

The narcissist naturally gravitates towards those professions which guarantee the abundant and uninterrupted provision of Narcissistic Supply. He seeks to interact with people from a position of authority, advantage, or superiority. He thus elicits their automatic admiration, adulation, and affirmation – or, failing that, their fear and obedience.

Several vocations meet these requirements: teaching, the clergy, show business, corporate management, the medical professions, the military, law enforcement agencies, politics, and sports. It is safe to predict that narcissists would be over-represented in these occupations.

The cerebral narcissist is likely to emphasize his intellectual prowess and accomplishments (real and imaginary) in an attempt to solicit supply from awe-struck students, devoted parishioners, admiring voters, obsequious subordinates, or dependent patients. His somatic counterpart derives his sense of self-worth from body building, athletic achievements, tests of resilience or endurance, and sexual conquests.

The narcissistic medical doctor or mental health professional and his patients, the narcissistic guide, teacher, or mentor and his students, the narcissistic leader, guru, pundit, or psychic and his followers or admirers, and the narcissistic business tycoon, boss, or employer and his underlings – all are instances of Pathological Narcissistic Spaces.

This is a worrisome state of affairs. Narcissists are liars. They misrepresent their credentials, knowledge, talents, skills, and achievements. A narcissist medical doctor would rather let patients die than expose his ignorance. A narcissistic therapist often traumatizes his clients with his acting out, rage, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy. Narcissistic businessmen bring ruin on their firms and employees.

Moreover, even when all is "well", the narcissist's relationship with his sycophants is abusive. He perceives others as objects, mere instruments of gratification, dispensable and interchangeable. An addict, the narcissist tends to pursue an ever-larger dose of adoration, and an ever-bigger fix of attention, while gradually losing what's left of his moral constraints.

When his sources become weary, rebellious, tired, bored, disgusted, repelled, or plainly amused by the narcissist's incessant dependence, his childish craving for attention, his exaggerated or even paranoid fears which lead to obsessive-compulsive behaviours, and his "drama queen" temper tantrums - he resorts to emotional extortion, straight blackmail, abuse, or misuse of his authority, and criminal or antisocial conduct. If these fail, the narcissist devalues and discards the very people he so idealized and cherished only a short while before.

As opposed to their "normal" colleagues or peers, narcissists in authority lack empathy and ethical standards. Thus, they are prone to immorally, cynically, callously and consistently abuse their position. Their socialisation process – usually the product of problematic early relationships with Primary Objects (parents, or caregivers) – is often perturbed and results in social dysfunctioning.

Nor is the narcissist deterred by possible punishment or regards himself subject to Man-made laws. His sense of entitlement coupled with the conviction of his own superiority lead him to believe in his invincibility, invulnerability, immunity, and divinity. The narcissist holds human edicts, rules, and regulations in disdain and human penalties in disdain. He regards human needs and emotions as weaknesses to be predatorily exploited.

You can learn more about me and my work here:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/indexqa.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/cv.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/archive01.html (scroll down to section
titled "Sam Vaknin, NPD")

http://www.suite101.com/articles.cfm/npd (my journal)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal1.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/sipurim.html (short fiction)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/contents.html (poetry)

psychochunder · member Joined: 04 Jan 2008 Posts: 19

My ex business partner was attracted to the venture we started because (a) it was in corporate management consulting, (b) it was about making positive changes to the way businesses work -- innovation, change management etc.

These appealed to his need to be in a position where he could tell others what to do. Even tho that was against the humanist founding principles of the business. Which of course he paid lip service to and purported to believe in 100%.

He was very keep to exploit uni students to come and work for us for free - because he wanted the awe-struck admiration.

He certainly misrepresented his knowledge and skills and achievements. Even his philosophical position.

He gradually became extremely controlling - telling me exactly how long I can spend doing something, demanding I spend time with him to listen to HIS ideas. He even controlled what ideas we could and could not explore in brainstorming sessions!

Totally malleable ethics. No morals. No remorse. When I got tired of his abuse and left the company, he did all sorts of illegal and unethical things by me and our clients. But he had no fear of repercussions from even the corporate regulators because he believed he was utterly correct.

wlw35 · member Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 374

PT,
My NF was unable to work for anyone else, he was self-employed most of his life and "retired" in his early 30's. He did exactly what he wanted to do, when he wanted, regardless of his wife or children. He had a way of conning his employees while dominating them, brainwashing them, he did this to his own daughter, only happy when she made him money. For the longest time, I believed he was of influence, high intelligence (told us he was a mensa), probably all lies or gradiose ideas. He was involved in illegal actions, feels he is above the law, too. I am ashamed to call him my Father, he is not a good man, as much as he tried to convince me, I saw right through the charade. I'm positive he had a whole other life may never even know half the story.

Stand4Change · member Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 67

Don't forget computer repair technicians. They get to play "savior" when the computer breaks down and everyone is in a panic. They can speak a "language" that most people don't understand. Then after they complete the repairs, they are showered with compliments and praise.

My Ex N offered to repair the printer at the custody evaluator's office. He charmed them completely with his sweet helpfulness and it paid off for him bigtime.

I've read online that N's are drawn to be police and computer geeks, one for the power they wield and fear they provoke, and the other for the praise and godlike status.

wlw35 · member Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 374

I've also heard they are drawn to a number of professions, including medicine (physicians) & clergy, haven't we all experienced the Dr. who is the know-it-all, don't need a second opinion-I am God, clergy, say no more, look at the mega-churches. You got it, they love all the glory and praise-- just like your computer experience, hey, I thought you would end it with the whole network going down the minute he/she left!!!!

Domitianus · member Joined: 25 Aug 2008 Posts: 59

My ex N was highly promiscuous from the age of fourteen. She moved to London in her late teens and became a pornographic model, stipper, peep-show owner and dancer and, out of curiosity, she dabbled in prostitution to see what it was like. She also did some extras work in film and on TV, including soft-core movies. She also got deeply into drugs, developed a heroin addiction, became a prostitute once again in order to support her habit and I believe also dealt in heroin.

After leaving London to get off drugs she did a degree in law, became a fitness instructor, set up her own fitness instruction business. She also trained in psychotherapy and vaious spiritual traditions and leads spiritual tours throughout the UK and around the world. Very careful, of course, not to portray herself as a 'guru' but rather lets others do that for her.

It strikes me that so much of this either revolves around control of others or 'look at me' behaviour which would fit a narcissist down to the ground.

Any other opinions?