Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

americanwoman · member Joined: 10 May 2008 Posts: 7

I ran into this site looking up psychopath husband in my browser. My husband is a known 80's metal musician. My life with him has been no different than anyone else on this message board: Beginning - romantic, happy, exciting, caring and loving. Later on: Horrible, terrifying and disappointing - but not boring, oh no....NEVER BORING.

I noticed there are a lot of posts where women have been involved with musicians - or men who say they are musicians. interesting..........

plink · member Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 116

Yes, it's because they are nothing without a following. (I don't know about psychopaths here, I only have first hand knowledge of the narcissism side of things.) And if they can't maintain that following for whatever reason or be admired at all times, they blame their nearest and dearest, especially if their nearest and dearest stop treating them like the gods they think they are. Not that we don't all like attention (and I'm a musician too) but I think they are literally an emotional blank slate without fans and sycophants sitting at their feet, adoring every golden word coming from their ruby lips. With "mine", we started out as equal admirers of each other's "art",(I had had a #1 country song out many years ago, and I think that's probably what drew him to me, in hindsight I think I was really used) but what started out as a mutual exchange didn't take very long to turn into him not so much wanting to "share" with me, as he called it, but him holding forth on everything from European history to the liner notes of an album he never put out thirty years ago. He finally wore me out. I was so exhausted from staying up on work nights-I work a regular job-listening to whatever he wanted me to hear or going to where people treated him with what he felt was his due awe. I think the last night we were "friends"-this was over a year ago, thank God-he said, "I wish I was the one who had a hit song", and I, very unthinking and completely depleted, blurted out, "well I wish you did too!"
Shit, I can only imagine if he'd actually been successful like your husband. You're still married to this guy? God bless you, honey!

buttongirl · member Joined: 06 May 2008 Posts: 12

haha!

I'm laughing. ... I almost started a thread with the same title, only I was thinking "artists"...

From reading Sam's writing, I see he's divided the narcissist into two categories, intellectual and body (he uses different names tho). I think it would be worth adding a thrid for creatives or artistic. Partly I think they fit the bill somewhat for intellectual, but the pull to create the most fantastic "art" and resort to adulation of their creations for narcissistic supply is pretty big, too.

I've dated far too many musicians, and after the last on (the N) swore never again. With him, although I didn't know about NPD at the time, I had summed him up as having a huge ego and an equally huge insecurity.
His way of dealing with his lack of success -- he'd played, always as lead singer + guiter in a band with his name for many years (with a buncdh of different people on and off of course) and sometimes come close to a success, but never managed more than small-town glory -- anyway, his way was to spin it that he likes the no-success, and he liked to hang with the flawed and unsuccessful musicians. Partly he was the visionary who could see their talent, these diamonds in the rough, partly it passes way better to boast about how little you care about success than to boast about your successes, and partly because he would always be better than the musicians he surrounded himself with.

Jam nights were long pot-smoking and beer-drinking sessions with him as center of attention. He would just go and not stop, with the band members supporting him with drum, guitar, flute, whatever, but it was all about being the god of the group. He loved to invite me over to watch him jam. (BORING!)

When we were together, he would retreat every couple of weeks or so for a weekend of "studio work" which he claimed he needed to tune out the world. Basically he'd get stoned and get off on his own voice for the whole weekend. Then there was the time that he was actually dating someone else every second weekend, and using the music sessions as an excuse for not answering my calls... hehe.

And, to add my SFIL thinks of himself as a writer and artist. He had some success with a TV show over 30 years ago, and he's still bragging about it. For him, he would never claim to "know" more than others, and his physique is so gone that he knows that's not something to pride himself on, but building stuff around the house, his stories, and his "creations" are endless source of pleasure for him. Praise a bit of his work (from 1970) and you'll have no problems from him for at least a couple of hours....

Ok, enough ranting.

eightieee · member Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Posts: 14

I just dated one of those. it was a bad time, to say the least.

plink · member Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 116

Just curious-any of y'all live in Nashville?

eightieee · member Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Posts: 14

I live in texas..