Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

Tomorrow is supposed to be the Trial.

I still do not know if I am going to court or it is being re-scheduled, and only my Attorney has to show up to continue it.
I am waiting for my Paralegal to call, she is in court right now.

I would have known sooner but the N,s lawyer likes to IGNORE and not reply to any requests /letters/ or phone calls my Attorney makes to her.

N,s lawyer likes to change things and stall things at the very last second-like the Settlement Conference when she called my Attorney ONE hour before we were to meet and said she was sick-another LIE because I had my brother call anonymously and the N lawyer scheduled a consultation with him at the same exact time the Conference was scheduled that she cancelled.

I hate not knowing.I want it to be continued this time though becuase my Attorney needs time to respond to the Vocational Evaluator's Report which is not in our favor,and because it is MANDATORY in this state to go to a conference first-does that mean it will be automatically re-scheduled and there is no way to go forward? Anyone know?

Summer

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

Got the email from my Paralegal;

Court contnued to June 19th.

Good because now we can prepare to argue the Vocational Evaluator's report and also schedule the mandatory settlement conference and re-subpeona all the N,s financials.

Does anyone know what happens when someone is subpeoned to submit financial evidence and then does not? What will happen if the N continues to refuse to do this?
Contempt won't do anything excpet possibly fine N, or a warning.N won't care either if this happens.
This is something I know N does NOT want to disclose obviously because he has something really significant to hide from me, financially.

Summer

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

I was just about to post a hug. Glad you got a continuance. I don't know the answer to any of your questions. Just wanted to give that hug.
(((((((Summer))))))))

Nancy

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

deleted

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

Summer, my court date got postponed until the end of August. The end of August!! And even now, the date it not final. We were scheduled for trial by the same judge that keeps siding with XN in the motion hearings. There was some mix-up, and the date we had scheduled is not longer available, so my lawyer is trying to pick a date when a different judge is on. Of course, his lawyer is unavailable for every single date except those when their pet judge is presiding. My lawyer decided to be unavailable for every date that he is on. It's a stalemate.

You may not have all the answers, but you certainly do seem to ask all the right questions. I'm still a babe in the woods with all this court stuff.

You must be feeling a great deal of relief right now.

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

Nancy,

Oh yes, totally releived! I would MUCH rather know that my Attorney is completely prepared and also that we can once again demand the financials before this is settled.

The end of August! I do like your Attorney's strategy to not be available for the "pet" Judge. Hey I would not be surprized if we still did not end up having our settlements during the same time (August),because at the rate my case is going I,ll be lucky if I ever even get a divorce.

Summer

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

Nancy,

Woah! I like your new avatar!, is that a picture of how we are going to look fighting the N,s in court?

Summer

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1308 Location: Connecticut, USA

It's a picture of how we've already been fighting them right along.

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

I just read the case docket from yesterday and the N showed up in court with his lawyer-I guess N really thought the Judge would make a decision even though the N had not handed in a single shred of evidence supporting the financial documents we subpeoned!

My Attorney went to court and stood in for me, and the Judge continued it based on lack of disclosure-now N has another chance to submit the evidence.

Nancy~ I was wrong about the date, the summer must be booked up ~I am getting closer to you, court is JULY 17th!Not in June like I thought.Maybe the N just doesn't want a divorce-lol.

I read that N,s use the tactic to stall and stall the inevitable, and then the ineviatable is to keep stalling, if that makes any sence.It's the N,s last attempt at keeping the control I guess.This is all ruining my summer vacation plans.

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal34.html

Summer

Stand4Change · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 67

Hi. There's a lot of stuff I can help you with. I've made a lot of mistakes, not knowing what I was involved with.

Warning, this is not an uplifting msg--serious and not pretty info below.

Stalling is what they do when they want to build up a record of how great they are and how awful you are. The danger here is if there are children involved. Sometimes stalling is a tactic to run you out of $, tell your atty to look up "financial abuse."

My divorce took 5 yrs and the result was unfavorable for the children in favor of the N.

Has there been any settlement offer he made that you can accept? Be honest and careful here. Even if you think you have a strong case and love your attorney, they still may not know how to build the case and it could be devastating. When you fight a N they are very good in court. The only cases where I've heard a N lsot in court he was a big fool and did something like refuse to cooperate with the judge. I think it might be very rare that a N insults the judge directly, they are too careful. Unless they attack the judge directly it is more likely the judge will prefer the N to you.

It may be better to either (1) get it over quickly and give him whatever he wants (saves $ and grief and possibly avoids getting to that "point of no return"); or (2) stop the process before spending too much and get the high priced lawyer by cashing in your retirement and maxing out the credit cards (you probably will end up doing it anyway). I've been told divorcing a N requires a LITIGATOR who has experience winning abuse cases. That makes sense to me.

My pivotal question to you is: have you p'ssd off the N to the point of no return, has the damage been done and he will just keep going to ruin you? If not, then don't provoke him, ask your atty to get it over with and stay away from the "experts" and don't push it to the judge to decide. If you want the judge to decide, then you will have to ask the court to assign a court-appointed forensic evaluator to review the unfavorable report and overturn it, and then pay for a new eval with an evaluator that cannot be manipulated. IThis could cost you $20K or more and it has to be paid up front (like all court experts).

If the N says he wants to be involved with the children, the court will side with him, unless you have a court expert that says he is dangerous. Find out how much taht will cost you before you travel on that road. Beware-- attys will usually lead you to litigate, and if they lose all you get is "sorry, here's my bill."

People keep suggesting to me to get a pro bono attorney, but I was told it is against the bar rules to be pro bono in family law here. Attys won't do it anyway becuase sticky family law cases take too much time.

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

Stand4Chance,

I understand what you are saying.
As far as the children, there is only one child left in the custody battle ,S-15,and he will be 16 this month.
Right now we are sharing custody and N has tried to change that several times but it has basically stayed the same.

I know it is like rolling the dice when you leave it up to a Judge to decide.My Attorney would rather settle this out of court, he even convinced the N and his lawyer to agree to this in front of the Judge last March,2008,but that doesn't mean they are following through.

No settlement offers have ever been proposed yet.We are supposed to go to a settlement conference beofre the next court date.
There are really only two issues involved here-division of the house and the 401k.
Due to N refusing to disclose the financial-its impossible to divide it.

If the N is trying to starve me out, he is starving himself out too-at one point he was court ordered to pay a portion of my Attorney's fees, and we are asking again at Settlement for more Attorney's fees because of all the N stalling, and refusal to comply with court orders..
My Attorney also got the Judge to order N to pay for all of the services we needed so far in this case, ie;the Kids Attorney/S-15's Counseling/the House Appraisals/the Financial Investigator and the Vocational Evaluator.

Read my newest post, "N cutting off court ordered support"

Don't know if N is lying or not but he is claiming he has NO more money,of course this is no one's fault but his own for quitting his job last year right in the middle of all the litigation.Although N is trying to starve me out, he is doing the same thing to himself.

Summer

vmm · Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 175

You said there are 2 issues.

1. The house -
search houses in your neighborhood on the internet for the value.
N gives you half of that. You want it now. Before he blows all his cash on a European vacation.

You get half the rentable value for the time N lived in it N should have been giving you this all along. You want it now.

2. The QDRO
The QDRO your attny has should state the dollar amount in the account.

Write your atty and ask him for a copy of the QDRO.Then you will know the ammount. You would like to see a copy of the QDRO before he completes his review and response regarding the QDRO. If the amount is not listed, then write your attny to request attny supeana the company for the amount on date of separation. I think you said your attny already did the supeana. Then your atty has the value of the account on the supeana. You get half.

N owes you:
1. Half of the sales value houses in your neighborhood, minus the outstatanding loan at date of separation. You can print this info off net in 10 minutes.

2. Half the fair rental value of the home for each month he lived in the house. You can print this info off net in 10 minutes.

3. Half of the QDRO at date of separation and maybe 1/2 appreciation on the account. Amount should be listed on QDRO.

You know there is some appreciation in the house. N's email admits that he has no cash and no credit.

So, if it was me, I'd be strongly suggesting to my attny that N sign over the entire QDRO to my name ASAP.

In your letter request your attny send you a copy ao all the supeanas he has sent out.

I'd be very concerned that my atty told me not to go to court and everyone was there but you.

Your Ns email is stating that it is your attny that is the problem with delays, etc. He is convincing enough to convince the judge, especially when the court saw that you did not show up with your attny. If your attny told you not to come, then your atty will be seen as the one not wanting to cooperate.

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 872

Vmm,

Since when does what an N say, mean he is tellng the truth?Whatever his lawyer is doing, or if she even has information on the 401k/QDRO, she hasn't sent a thing to my attorney even though he requested it several times, in writing.

We haven't seen a single document regarding the 401k as of yet.I have documents from several yeas ago,(the year 2000) and I have an idea how many shares the N owns,,even though N,s lawyer has stated several different very diversified figures in past court records, and I can see the stock and what it is at every day online.The stock went public in the year 2000.

My attorney had to subpeona the N,s company for this information.Why are you saying the amount at time of seperation? I was told the law says the 401k is the amount divided at the time of the division of the QDRO due to all the 401K money being in company stock that fluctuates.If the stock was at zero today would N be owing me money for what it was at at the time of seperation>?Tha would mean he would owe me money that wasn't there, get it?N had to have cashed out smething for t too if he paid 30 grand in taxes for 2007, unless that was money he had hidden before I filed and retrieved it to live off of after he quit.

N was court ordered to pay for the new Appraisal, my attorney wrote a certified letter letting the Appraiser know the property was to be re-appraised, by a certain date, and to consider the N's damage to the property,N is to pay the costs.N not paying the appraiser is holding that up,from recieving the final report.If N wants to continue stalling on this then we can always ask that we use the original appraisal,(2006) which is higher that it will be valued at now.

Why should I be worried about not going to court when the case was to be continued because the N and his lawyer never agreed to go to the MANATORY settlement conference?The court docket says one of the reasons for continuemce;failure to submt discovery documents(by N).

Do you have a sight I can look at , is it really a law that I can ask for rent, for a house N was paying the morgtage on?That would be pretty awesome, I have heard of asking for "Epstein Credits" for cases where you could have been recieving rent.

I feel like emailing the N back this;

*N,
Please feel free to "bore" me with the details of your financial situation,I would be intersted in knowing how you managed to afford to live for the past 15 months since you quit your job and still be able to buy $25,000.00 new teeth, 3 new vehicles, go on numerous gambling excursions, pay the morgtage, insurance, other living expenses and go on frequent vacations.
I have no way to "secure" funds like you suggested, so when you "secure" your future funds for your living expenses make sure you "secure enough to pay me the court ordered support so you will not be in violation of the court order.
This case can not move forward until you provide us with the subpeoned financial documents we asked for 3 months ago.The case was continued for failure of disclosure on your part. Your lawyer has refused to anwer any requests from my attorney including submitting the documents on the 401k,QDRO,and until we recieve these we can not respond. Summer*

I should NOT email the N anything right?
P.S. I saw you posting to nw on the npd forum,she emailed me,do you have her email?

Summer

vmm · Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 175

If your attny supeaned the Ns company, then your attny, and you, should have the current informat

No I would not respond to N in email. If it were me, I'd just forward N's email to my attny so that your attny will know that N has no intention to pay support. And your atty will know that N is telling you that it is your attny that is the holdup on the QDRO. QDROs are serious things in court and no attny wants to be blamed for holding them up. Could be a suit.

The spenas go over N's and his attnys head. N or his attny are not the ones to respond. You should have copies of all the supna your attny sent and also the replies.

What did the company information say on the company's reponse to the
supena?

So you know the share value. How many shares does N own? How many options? What is the strike price on the options? When are the exercisable. Supea Ns company again. The company answers, not N. The company can not lie. N is out of it and you have an objective, truthful answer from N's company, not N. It's not that big of deal Summer. Attys do it all the time.

Summer, it is your money. You have a right to know these. Your attny should be getting this info for your from the company. A long time ago.

You have a right to hire your own appraisal on your home as I have tried to help you with a year ago.

The division of the QDRO could be calculated at the date of separation plus earnings since if N was taking money out of it.

The high taxes could be explined by N exercising stock options or maybe cashing out a life insurance policy. The stock options are probly not in the QDRO and may be the highest dollar item here. N thinks you will not find out about them Most women don't, because their attny just lets them slide. Not the attnys loss of money. The company could be supna for the stock option info. The company can not lie on the supna, usually has to respond within 10 or 30 days.

If N said he paid the IRS the taxes then he has filed. Supna taxes and W2 from IRS.

Maybe your brother or mom could write a check to the appraisor for the $400 or 500 dollars. Then you and your attny could have the apprasal. Or your attny could have filed a motion in time for last weeks court appearance to get the judge to order N to pay for for appraisal within 10 days.

So you'd have the appraisal and Ns employers reponse to the supeana on N's earnings, stock options and the 401K amount on the QDRO.

I would have gone to court because I was paying my attny to be there and I would want to hear what he was saying to N, Ns attny and the judge.

Other reasons for continuance?Look up watts credits. Good to know about nw.

Just my opinions, not legal advise or anything like that.