Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

mollydog · Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 45 Location: Pennsylvania

ohgal-

Just reading some of your comments and it struck a cord with me. I've always had a great relationship with my children and would tell them I love them all the time. I found it rather odd, that after I would tell the kids I loved them, the N would say "but I love you more".

Now this all makes sense to me. Typical insecure and doesn't want anyone to outshine him.

Molly

ohgal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 128

Molly~
Thanks for thinking of me and writing the post.
My D who is just 5 has told me that her N dad will ask her who she loves more, mom or him? This makes her very nervous and upset, and she has taken to biting her nails really bad. She also won't eat with him. I cannot imagine what is going through her little head when she hears him trash me. On the other hand, I love her unconditionally..which is something an N is incapable of. I do my best to make her feel loved, safe and secure. She tells me that N will ask her who she has more fun with (as if that's all life is about...) him or mom and then she told me that she has to pretend to like things she really doesn't just to make him happy. Can you imagine?? A 5 yr old!!!
Sadly, I am afraid that he will slowly turn her against me, and I will have an uphill battle with this. She will probably be in therapy for years due to his erratic behavior.
Again, thanks for the post!

Shania73 · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 37

I was curious what the comments were in another thread. My Ex N also uses the same "I love you more" with the kids too, they come home and say it now and then to me when I tell them I love them. Ive never been into the "I love you more..." thing, so is there a common theme about N's doing that or did I miss read the comment?

mollydog · Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 45 Location: Pennsylvania

Shania73-

No, you did not misread anything, you read it loud and clear. My thoughts are, at least with my N, that he wants to always shine for his children and, for that matter, anyone else. The N wants to be on top, he wants to outdo you, look at me, but most importantly, the N does this at ANY cost, it doesn't matter to him because it's all a game. My N loves, and I mean loves the drama in anything. Now I see why my pastor advised me to just get on with your life. The N loves the fight, the competition, the challenge, but most of all to bring me down and watch me suffer because he knows how much I love our children. I have no other choice but to fight for what I think is best for our children. I know it is not the N.

So, even with the simple words "I love you" the N has to compete. Love is not a competition, and especially between the parents. Why does it have to be? If you have to question that, this N is a sick man.

Molly