Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

mollydog · Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 57 Location: Pennsylvania

Summer-

The N couldn't say anything about my job at the time we met because I had just completed training. Strangely enough, it was such a perk when we got married and he could fly for free, not to mention taking his s on some great vacations. The N tried to pull the same on me a couple of years ago when he decided that my job just wasn't good for me to have with raising a family. WHAT?????? After all these years, and our children didn't know any different. Now, all of a sudden, he wants me to look for another job and told me many times, I think its time for you to start looking elsewhere. What's up his sleeve??? Thank goodness I stood my ground and said "NO". The N knows how much I enjoy my job, or maybe it was because I started taking international trips. Another tactic for the N to destroy my joy and self. Like I stated before, very calculating, he has been planning this for a long time. Financially, emotionally and robbing me from my relationship with both my children.

I haven't heard from my children at all except to tell me to stop taking things from their home. I can't believe this has come to this, severe alienation, and for now, there isn't anything I can do about it.

I am not a fighter at all, conflict I avoid at all costs, and the N knows this. Guess it's time to change.

Molly

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 873

Molly~

I know what you mean.I think the N here started the devalue process early, and he took away any of my future goals ,dreams and anything that would interest me.N,s want you totally dependant on them.
The first job offer wasn;'t the last one, I was offered another position to work for security at another Airline about 3 years into the marraige and N said that if I worked, it would "ruin" his taxes"..good excuse huh? Then he also said he would not pay for a babysitter while I worked (our daughter was 2).

I also think the N here was planning to divorce me soon, I think I filed for divorce in the brink of time because right after I filed, for 2 weeks straight until I had the N removed from the house with an Ex-Parte order,,, N begged me to drop the case-his reason? He had panned to retire and wanted to cash out the 401K, first, so we could travel, spend time together (what a joke!-at that point we had not even been communicating for years!)!....Interpretation of that statement;"Let me get my hands on MY retirement money FIRST,and cash it out so you can not have any of it". N was only 51 at the time.Pretty early for retirement!

Then in 2005, about 8 months before I filed, N recieved a HUGE inheritance when his father passed away.I asked N if I could sign up for a college course that would allow me to complete my degree, it was not going to cost much, and N had a TON of money which he put all in his own name seperate from me.N said "NO! Why would I waste my hard earned money (inheritance?) on you! Why should YOU get an education,Your old and washed up (I am 10 years younger than N-lol),,well after I fled for divorce,N almost cried saying to me this "I wish I would have let you finish college than I would not have to pay you alimony".
When I refused to drop the divorce, his begging reverted to threats,,"If you do not wave alimony, then you are n for the custody/divorce battle from hell". I just said "Okay, N, bring it on".lol-because we all know N would have done this no matter what I agreed to.

N,s want us completely dependant on them, isolated and then we think we can not get away from them.This divorce took 6 years of careful, meticulous planning.N had made sure I did not have a dime to my name,we owed MY Mother money because she paid for my first attorney ,the first time I filed,-N was refusing to pay her back,,when he got his inheritance-I wrote a check to my Mom and the N almost blew a gasket.I added interest too because it had been 5 years-lol!Thats when N took me off the checking account for good.My bad.

I am not surprised your N was trying to get you to change careers/jobs.Anything that makes you happy, makes the N angry and they must destroy or ruin it for us..They will do anyhting in their power to take away our self esteem so we feel like nothing.No wonder we all suffered depression during these so called relationships.

P.S. I am not a fighter either, but it's something you do have to learn and become when divorcing an N.Just fight through the legal system, using your attorney!

Summer