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kirril
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
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 Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 5:03 pm Post subject: did he mean what he said when he was angry? |
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When a N is angry, did he really mean what he said?
My N partner said he was sick for the past few days and I said maybe he just didn't want to talk to me and I doubted about his sickness, and he got totally angry. He said he is leaving me. did he really mean it?
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knoxy
Joined: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 1047
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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Sweetie,
You can never tell.
My suggestion isn't to focus on what he says, doesn't say - means or doesn't mean - and focus on you - and focus on skills to get healthy.
xoxox
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kirril
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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I think I have a problem. I have all these crazy things in my head that I can't get rid of. I can't correct it right away.
All of my ex boy friends are verbally abusive......not all of them are Ns.
Maybe I really say wrong things all the time. Maybe it is really my falt.
It is really a terrible day for me.......
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knoxy
Joined: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 1047
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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Perhaps you should see a counselor who could get more in depth with you on what is going on?
I don't know all of the details, but if you are indeed with an N, they will do major mind tricks on you. You won't know what's up or down.
Much love to you - I hope you seek the help you need.
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NancyCT
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 1371
Location: Connecticut, USA
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 10:49 pm Post subject: Re: did he mean what he said when he was angry? |
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| kirril wrote: | | He said he is leaving me. did he really mean it? |
If he is a N, then you should certainly hope so.
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louxloux
Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Posts: 1534
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Kirril,
If he is an N or disordered in any other way, likely what he said is projection. How he feels about himself. Either way, it is harmful and BAFFLING to you and your emotional and mental well being ... you can't make sense of the insensical.
I agree with Knox, if you are choosing people who are abusive to you (verbal or otherwise), then there is a reason. A counselor can do wonders in helping you discover why. For me, I kept choosing people very similar as a means to resolve past issues... which is a pretty common theme. If you want to break the cycle, counseling is the way to go!
wish you well,
loux
_________________
Beautiful light is born of darkness, so the faith that springs from conflict is the strongest and the best. Light is the symbol of truth. Give light, & the darkness will disappear of itself.
~ This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...
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kirril
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 2:04 am Post subject: |
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He is definitely an N, but he hasn't done anything extremely harmful to me yet, except being cold and detachment and angry.
Maybe I really shouldn't have questioned his illness. I told him that I think he probably just said he is sick to avoid me. This made him extremely angry. He attacked me verbally with very very cruel words.
Maybe he is vengeful and won't forgive me, right??
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Milo
Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Posts: 821
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 3:15 am Post subject: |
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Kirril,
It sounds to me you are blaming yourself and trying to 'justify' his abusiveness.
Verbal abuse, coldness, emotional detachment ARE extremely harmful.
Hope you are reading all the articles and links available hun.
Are you receiving counselling?
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freenhealing
Joined: 04 May 2008
Posts: 60
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:05 am Post subject: Re: did he mean what he said when he was angry? |
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| NancyCT wrote: | | kirril wrote: | | He said he is leaving me. did he really mean it? |
If he is a N, then you should certainly hope so. |
That was my thought exactly! If he's one of these monsters and has opened a door, RUN right through it!
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knoxy
Joined: 24 Jul 2007
Posts: 1047
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:21 am Post subject: |
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| kirril wrote: | He is definitely an N, but he hasn't done anything extremely harmful to me yet, except being cold and detachment and angry.
Maybe I really shouldn't have questioned his illness. I told him that I think he probably just said he is sick to avoid me. This made him extremely angry. He attacked me verbally with very very cruel words.
Maybe he is vengeful and won't forgive me, right?? |
Sweetie - being cold and detached is harmful.
My N never did anything harmful to me either - at least to my face. He'd be late after promising to be home and not follow through on certain promises, but that was it. It wasn't until years later that I'd found out he was screwing half of Southern California, posting for sex on various adult sites, running from the IRS... list goes on.
Please seek counseling if you haven't already done so. Verbal abuse is still abuse. Emotional abuse is still abuse. Actually, I find passive aggressive abuse the worse...
Please get help.
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NancyCT
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 1371
Location: Connecticut, USA
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 11:40 am Post subject: |
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| kirril wrote: | | He attacked me verbally with very very cruel words. |
Kirril, I know this is hard to accept, it's something we've all had to struggle with here, but the fact is that someone who would treat you this way is not someone who loves you. Thinking that you are loved by someone who would abuse you in this way is a fantasy. It's not real.
You do not have to be beaten black and blue to have been abused. Some of the worst damage can come from words alone.
You don't deserve to be treated this way, no matter what you feel you have done to warrant it. No one deserves to be treated this way. Life doesn't have to be like this.
Are you in counseling?
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kirril
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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I am not in counseling......
I am too worried about being abandoned to go for counseling........
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kirril
Joined: 25 Apr 2008
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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how come no body will tell me if he will come back......?
Maybe I really pushed him too much......
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freenhealing
Joined: 04 May 2008
Posts: 60
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:08 pm Post subject: |
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| kirril wrote: | how come no body will tell me if he will come back......?
Maybe I really pushed him too much...... |
How can anyone here tell you what someone else will do? The real issue here kirril is your fear of abandonment. Believe me, I can relate to this. It's driving your train right now and that FEAR tries to convince us that anything is worth going through to just not get abandoned.
A narcissist WILL abandon you, in every single way possible. He WILL play on that fear in every way possible. He will exploit it to his own advantage like it's a little game. It offers you no real healing or protection from this fear inside you (which also has nothing to do with him but is part of what attracted him to you).
The only way to fix this has nothing to do with this man. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but I've been there. If a narcissist leaves you, ultimately it's a very good thing even though it packs a big sting. It is NOT worth the heartache endured day after day eroding at every bit of your core.
Please consider finding at least some support for yourself and take a look at what's going on for YOU, not what he is or will do--I'm telling you, he is not only NOT the medicine you need for this fear but he is the toxin making it worse. Please just consider this possibility.
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freenhealing
Joined: 04 May 2008
Posts: 60
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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| kirril wrote: | how come no body will tell me if he will come back......?
Maybe I really pushed him too much...... |
How can anyone here tell you what someone else will do? The real issue here kirril is your fear of abandonment. Believe me, I can relate to this. It's driving your train right now and that FEAR tries to convince us that anything is worth going through to just not get abandoned.
A narcissist WILL abandon you, in every single way possible. He WILL play on that fear in every way possible. He will exploit it to his own advantage like it's a little game. It offers you no real healing or protection from this fear inside you (which also has nothing to do with him but is part of what attracted him to you).
The only way to fix this has nothing to do with this man. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but I've been there. If a narcissist leaves you, ultimately it's a very good thing even though it packs a big sting. It is NOT worth the heartache endured day after day eroding at every bit of your core.
Please consider finding at least some support for yourself and take a look at what's going on for YOU, not what he is or will do--I'm telling you, he is not only NOT the medicine you need for this fear but he is the toxin making it worse. Please just consider this possibility.
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