Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

recovering_one · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 7

I was so thankful to find this site. It has kept me from total collapse, although I am close to it. I have had a lifelong pattern of relationships with narcissits. My mother is one, and apparenlty (learning it from this site) I re-create the same scenario in other relationships trying to "win" them over like I tried to do with her growing up.
My current N is my husband of one year. We did the entire whirlwind thing and got married after only 3 months. Three weeks into the relationship was the first "incident". I know (now) that because I wasn't paying full attention to him, he was getting irritable and restless. I decided to pull-back a little bit emotionally....and he REALLY pulled back in response. It was like he hated me, and never wanted to see me again. So we make up with him and he moved in. I wasn't totally ready for him to move in, but allowed it because it seemed to make him happy. We met in September, by Thanksgiving we were living together, by Xmas he pulled his first abuse/disappearing act. Got overly angry at me about something stupid, moved everything of his out for 3 weeks. He acted like he hated me with all his might. I was stunned. The disagreement did not warrant the response. He actually HATED me. Three weeks later he started to make-up with me...I was shaken. I really loved this guy. I began to make sure never to upset him again....(the pattern was starting). I began to feel the "eggshell" feeling and stressed about him losing it again. He did. He gets up for work at 2:20 a.m. I can't tell you the times he did "night-terrors" on me, continuing a fight from the day before, or starting a new fight at 2:30 in the morning...not letting me sleep. One time, I told him to "shut up and go to work"....he RAN across the room at me, straddled me (I was trapped under the blankets) and pushed my face into the mattress. When he got off, he said "get mouthy again". He also began to destroy my property, kicking my night stand table into pieces. He could easlily leave me flat. For someone like me, that is one of my biggest nightmares. He could be so kind, loving, supportive sometimes, but then the "other side" would come out, and I didn't even know (or want to know) that side. Stupid me, married him in January after 3 months. By April, we bought a house. I have a 15 year old son that was very close to my husband (but lived with his father most of the time). My husband was very nice and kind to my son. But, he would do things like undermind my authrority when I would counsel my son, or ask him to do some chores. It was like he wanted my son to like him, more than he liked me. (Weird). June of that year was the first physical abuse. He restrained me for 45 minutes when I got upset that he got at text message from his ex wife during our weekend with the kids. She refused to call the house, only his cell. (turns out she was abused by him too, I found the court papers and Orders of Protections later). He finally grabbed my wrists at my chest and stepped on one of my feet (so I would lose balance) and shoved me over an ottoman backwards in our family room. I filed my first order of protetection against him. I moved myself and my son out in 8 days while the order was in effect - then stupidly let it drop. We were separated 3 months...and you guessed it, he HATED me!!! I had done him wrong. I had asked him to get counseling, save our marriage, etc. He REFUSED, stating that I was the problem. I was so tense. He asked me to come home to our house....I was homesick and I still loved him...so we went. He moved every stich of furniture from my rental to our house. I refused to move anything, as I had moved it all out myself. Six months of honeymoon period/Xmas/good feelings. Then his other side began to show itself. He became irritable, restless, discontent. He began to pick on me, my appearance, my income. I had started a custody battle for my 15 year old son to come home to us (with my husband's full blessing and financial support). Three weeks into it, my first husband filed retaliatory paperwork for Sole Custody of my son (we had joint custody). I began to get a feeling that my N may be seeing someone else. He was extremely irritable with me, and it seemed that he was mentally comparing me with someone else. I was stressed beyond belief starting the custody battle (with another N). My husband stated that I was "morbid" and was depressing to talk to...he went from being very supportive to saying "that must be hard for you"...not US....just me. He became abusive again, and began to threaten to "split-up"our finances..as he was the major breadwinner by far. I danced to his tune for weeks, lots of threats, lots of bad behavior...I couldn't sleep. He was again fighting with me in the middle of the night. He also alerted me that he was no longer paying the mortgage and that the marriage was over. I finally had to get an order of protection and get him out of the house because ....his behavior was abusive/strange/deeply upsetting. Fast forward to today, the house is in foreclosure. We went to court on his Order of Protection, and he told the judge defiantely to "extend the order the maximum amount of time". He now has a 2-year order of protection against him. My entire life has been destroyed. I found court papers from his other two wives same abuse to them. Same abandonment upon his getting angry. I feel grief - not for the psycho N, but for the loving, caring man that he ACTED like.

americanwoman · Joined: 10 May 2008 Posts: 7

I too have a 15 year old son and my husband of 4 years constantly undermined EVERYTHING i did with parenting. If I punished my son, my husband said I am too hard on him, and he would go behind my back and 'unground' or undo whatever I punishment I had decided trying to get my son to like him more than me. If i didn't punish my son my husband said I am stupid and dont care about my own child and that my son is an idiot. We are now separated and I can't thank the 'other woman' enough for taking that lousy useless piece of crap off my hands.