Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

petunia16 · Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 103

I say to my NM:
"I need to tell you this... growing up I felt responsible for your happiness... and I still do. I would try to watch what I said or did as to not anger you because you had been through a lot (raising me alone, the death of a baby before me & my father leaving). I never felt good enough because I was only part of the perfect family that you wanted (a mom, dad and baby) and it hurt me that you were so angry at Dad all the time (going on 38 years now). I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time and just felt... like I had to make Mommy happy. I never knew right verses wrong... I only knew, what made Mommy angry or happy. And I still do everything I can to not confront you or hurt you. Hurting you is my biggest fear."

She says: "That was really sweet! Children should want their parents to be happy... I think it's normal and it's very nice of you to feel that way!"

Is it... "normal"?

Later, in a passive aggressive tone, she tells me:
"And don't you worry about ME when you move! I'm taking classes and making friends so there's no need to be concerned!"

bubblers · Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 35

WOW, I guess straight from the horses mouth, thats actually what they think. And NO, not normal, at all. Well partially normal, yes, children should want their parents to be happy, NOT RESPOSIBLE FOR their happiness. Huge difference.
And I would take the comment "You don't have to worry about me." and run with it, I would use it all the time. "I'm soooo glad we don't have to worry about you anymore." " Such a weight off our shoulders, knowing we don't have to worry about you anymore." Hee Hee. Bubblers

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

I think its normal for a narcissistic person. Egads, yes we want to see our parents happy, but we are not and should not be held responsible for it. I wish she would let you live youre life for you.

safe hugs,
justmee
_________________
If you can not deal with it, or change it, then its time to walk away from it.

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 713

Petunia... aggh,... what an N response by your NM... sad.. they can't empathize.. We are just their play thing meant to cater to their needs and make them happy.. They really believe that B.S!... You have no rights. We Acons are just a 3D cardboard cut-out to them.. I heard this somewhere. But, it's true..

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 374

I totally agree, the last statement made by your NM was almost extactly the same as my NM, "don't worry about US, we are FINE." Yeah, right. They have no way to empathize, it's all about them! I'm sorry you had to live through that, trying to please someone, your own parent, who no matter what...you could never please or "make them happy." It's always good to check-in here, all of us have a slanted view of normal. You are doing great, BTW, I hope you will take her advice, don't worry about her, let her "friends" be her NS (supply)!!!

Serenity710 · Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 84

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 374

Serenity, good to see you back, I've just re-read your last comment of motherly wisdom concerning the need for our children to be independent, not trying to please us, as parents in a co-dependent way. I always look to you as a mentor, your children are much older and I think you've done a wonderful job, you have been successful without experiencing good parenting or unconditional love. My new therapist asked me how I learned to be so loving and empathic to my children, I named my faith, thought some more, my grandma, which I didn't see much, maybe every 2 years for a week, but she was special. She also said, we are "concious" parents, we check and re-check our parenting styles, sometimes guessing at what seems right, often I'm very hard on myself, anyway, thank you, you always have something special to say. Peace, WLW