Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

petunia16 · member Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 107

I've been on the East coast for over 2 weeks now and I realize it takes a while to get settled but I've been feeling like crap. I keep having these episodes where I cry, get really angry then sleep for 4 hours. It's a bad cycle. I know I'm depressed and I'm so scared. I felt like this right before I had my "awakening" with how my family controls me... and I was really suicidal.

I want to go back home... I HATE it here. I'm so angry at my husband for talking me into moving here. Everything is different and although I can sense that my relationship with NM is getting a bit better, I don't feel it's enough to keep me so far away.

As of this moment, I want to leave my husband, leave my dog... this house... and all of my possessions, including my car, to get back to California. It's not about going back to NM and NGMa, it's about feeling like this place has dead energy... and that I don't belong here. Feeling like there is NOTHING for me here.

Maybe this isn't for the N forum... but anyone... have you felt this way after moving? I don't know what to do.

baby_kay · member Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 237

Petunia,
Maybe you could go away on a retreat of somesort to refreshen yourself, and take the time to take care of yourself. To give to you, and dissolve some issues from California. I know that what you left is familar, and were you are now.....is foreign. You feel like a foreigner out of touch. You are out of touch, because you are new there. But, two years and nothing, I sometimes, think a change of scenery is necessary. Is your husband, sensative to your feelings regarding this subject? Do you or have you made any friends? Maybe there is something bigger going on, and maybe you should explore that? Just some suggestions, I am sorry you are do detached and alone. My prayers go out to you. You need something. A support group something so that you don't feel so alone.
Let me know how it goes.

justmee · member Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 691

Hi....

I do not think you should be mad at youre husband, was it not a joint move? I think things may be a bit better if you got out and meet people. Have you checked into working...that would be a good way to meet others.
When my husband and I moved 800 miles away, at first I hated it. All I wanted to do was go home. I did not know a soul. It took me a few months to get to work and meet others but before then I was depressed. If it gets to bad, maybe check with a doctor or check with a self-health group. Please do not think Suci*e.....most things can be fixed.

sending good thoughts to you,
justmee
_________________
If you can not deal with it, or change it, then its time to walk away from it.

thayilflies · member Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 520

"As of this moment, I want to leave my husband, leave my dog... this house... and all of my possessions, including my car, to get back to California. It's not about going back to NM and NGMa, it's about feeling like this place has dead energy... and that I don't belong here."

I tried the equivalent: drop everything and run in search of something better. Ultimately the search was fruitless. There is no "great escape", only a better way of being. In dire situations, often the best you can do is accept them. "This is how it is, I don't like it, but I accept it."

petunia16 · member Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 107

After that post... my dh and I talked, went for a drive to see the nearest lake... got some air and sun... it was good.

I still feel unsettled... and in this "fight or flight" nervous cloud of energy that is familiar from 6 or so years ago... I feel completely confused. I don't like this feeling... or this person who is such a horrible b*tch. I'm sorry for the drama.

It was a joint decision to move. But... he works from home and not much has changed for him, he is completely content here. I feel, since the close of the business, that I'm lost... I don't have any direction and not knowing where my next paycheck is going to come from is unsettling. I don't like relying on him for money. That's probably 70% of the problem... that and the fact that I didn't think he cared that I was unhappy. Communication breakdown, to say the least.

On the N side... NM has been nice... the distance is good and our emails are friendly and brief. She has tried to guilt me a few times... but it's harder when it's obvious I can't drop what I'm doing and run over. Ngma acted up at our going away party... nothing new. But, she has a new boyfriend so that's keeping her really busy and distracted, thank God.

Thanks for reading everyone... again, so sorry for the drama... I was crying and typing and feeling sorry for myself. But, your posts helped to whip me into shape Smile

Thank you

Tearlet · member Joined: 31 Mar 2008 Posts: 29

I hope I don't make you angry, but have you ever been evaluated for depression? People who suffer from depression have episodes of feeling suicidal and have a hard time adjusting to change. If it is depression related, perhaps some medication will help you adjust to your new location?

It could also be possible that due to being controlled all through childhood you felt you had some control on your life as an adult. Now you are placed into an unfamiliar place, feeling lost, you feel out of control & it is more frightening to you due to the lack of control in childhood.

Even though you're relationship with your mother is warped, it is where we instinctively want to look for comfort. So you may also be feeling a pull toward your mother at this moment because you feel like a scared child & this is what instincts are telling you to do.

Give it time. Maybe take a class in the area so you can start meeting people. Maybe find some routine you do daily to bring you comfort (as a mother to young children I realize how comforting routines can be). If you make a routine, try to make it a small drive around the neighborhood or something so you feel more familiar with your area. LOL, maybe take a yoga or meditation class ... learn to relax while meet people??

Remind yourself what it was you fell in love with your H. Realize you still have him, your best friend, and wherever you are as long as you are side by side you are never away from home.

ricochet echoes · member Joined: 20 Jun 2007 Posts: 37 Location: Europe

Hi Petunia

I have something in common with you, I too live far away from home, in a different country, far from my NM. I worked at first in the big city and met my husband, then we moved into the country side and I felt isolated for a few years and took it out on him when we could not afford to move again immediately.

You do need to give it a chance, it has only been a few weeks and it will take time to establish yourself. You need to find a life of your own apart from your husband's every day stuff. He is working and some part of his life did not change so he has that continuity, you do not.

What I did, after a couple of years of misery I decided to to take some language classes at college. There I met other people and had a great time and made friends.
You could perhaps start a business venture of your own or take a class learning something as a hobby or join a dance/keep fit class? In my experience, it is best to do something that you are interested in or that is close to your heart, maybe voluntary work with animal rescue or helping people in need? etc. I'll bet if you do something like this, before you know it, you will have lots of new contacts and friends and a whole new enjoyable life.

Also, all the NM trauma that you were living all those years back in California may be catching up on you now that you do not have to deal with it on a daily basis. Usually it is a case of surviving it, firefighting all the time - so now you have distance you have a lot more time to reflect on it. Perhaps you need to talk to someone who can help you with it? This also happened to me wnen I moved ot the countryside and gave up my career - I went from having no time to think about all that went before and deal with it as it appeared and be ready for the next trauma to appear to suddenly having too much time to think, no friends or support in a new place. So what I said above about keeping busy and mixing with folk is a good solution.

Best of luck

RE

oaktree · member Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 360 Location: Minnesota

petunia16 · member Joined: 04 Aug 2007 Posts: 107

Did a lot of thinking... and it dawned on me...

I used to have at least a few people to talk to about this in our family circle... friends and what-not. I used to get positive affirmations that my NM and Ngma were evil, and it helped me along in my journey. But, since I've moved, I don't run into these people anymore.

I haven't gotten any positive vibes in a while. AND, NM and company are ramping up their shenanigans. Mother's day didn't help. I sent (expensive) flowers to both NM and Ngma, but I didn't call... so my Uncle called me to tell me I was a bad daughter and handed the phone to my mother and grandmother while everyone was in the car listening. And my uncle was sneaky about it... he called my husband's cell phone.

"oh, how is our Southern Belle? Too busy for us, huh? Your Aunt, Uncle, other Aunt and Uncle and all the family got together for Mother's day since YOU aren't here."

What a stab in the heart. I'm having a hard time adjusting to my new environment and they are THRILLED that I am unhappy.

So... being away from the positive and the negative... feeling lost. And, my body has been acting up from all the stress. A rash, cysts, cold with fever... breakouts everywhere... it's awful. It's all stress residuals from the last few months. My immune system is down and I feel that just knocked me into a full-blown nervous breakdown.

I need to do something drastic with them, though. I've tried so many different tactics and my husband is now urging me to do NC with all of them because after the manipulative phone call yesterday.

Thanks for reading everyone... I'm hoping to get some of my self esteem and courage back... I hate feeling like this.

baby_kay · member Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 237

Petunia,
You gotta do, what you gotta do!!!! NC is the only way to stop all the stress. You will never do anything right, as far as they are concerned, and for the first time, didn't it feel good, to not have to look at all of their stupid faces, as they belittled and put you down??? Is it just me, or isn't space sometimes, the best???? You have all of us here in this forum to turn to, who do get it. I am going to be relocating very far away from NM and I will have some peace again. I am NC for 7 years, and she still emails, and stalks, and pushes her way into my life. I don't like her, and don't want to see her, I don't bother her, and STILL, she thinks I love her. So....my point???? SICK IS SICK. Your physical ailignments are from the not knowing. Not knowing, whos saying and doing what, and what that has to do with the "bad daughter". Well,....you can join my club, its called "THE BAD DAUGHTER/GRANDDAUGHTER CLUB". The only ones who can join, are the children of the N's. It took my 13 years to have my own mother's day, and the bitch stalked me the whole day, with what was I doing, taking care of my needs, and staying in bed, sleeping in, having MY children buy presents, and cards for me??? How dare I, celebrate being a mother myself. You see, we all get it, not matter what. Your damned if you do....well you know were I am going with this. So....have faith, alot of faith, take a deep breath, make some friends, and don't talk about these strange people if you don't have to. Get something good and positive going. May I suggest a massage, and pampering for you. A trip to a spa, with all the services, designed to care for you and your spirit, and maybe yoga, and meditation???? Anyways, you did a nice thing on Mother's day, and if my child did that for me, well I would be so grateful, considering the relationship you have with them.
It was a nice and tasteful gesture. Stop letting them win, and beat u up emotionally, your better than that, and you know it.
TIme to get tough, and get over it, and let them stay were they are, and you need to find some joy, how about the joy that you don't have to look at them??
Take care and keep us posted.
Kim