Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 947

Hope all the moms on this board are enjoying this mother's day. For those of you rejoicing and those of you hurting, happy mother's day.

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 877

Happy Mother's Day to you too Lived, and to all the other Wonderful Mom's on here!

Summer

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Connecticut, USA

Belated Happy Mother's Day to all.

mollydog · Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 57 Location: Pennsylvania

Wish I had a better Mother's Day. My two children ages 15 and 16 did not call. Doesn't surprise me. Going through a nasty divorce/custody with, guess who? the dreaded N. I thought, maybe, just maybe, he would for once tell the children to call for Mother's Day, should have know better. Whatelse, he's a N.

Had a difficult day today, moved all my possessions from the home and just received a call from my s saying, I don't ever want to talk or see you again and don't ever set foot in our home or I will hurt you. Exclusive possession hearing is one the 19th and my attorney advised me to move out asap. Fighting for counselling for the kids too. It's a mess.

Hurting in PA.

Molly

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1327 Location: Connecticut, USA

Mollydog,

Sorry you had such a painful day.

Nancy

mollydog · Joined: 08 May 2008 Posts: 57 Location: Pennsylvania

NancyCT-

Thank you for the hug today. It made me smile.

Molly

tired of the pain · Joined: 12 May 2008 Posts: 22

im sorry your mothers day was so bad and sad for you . Next mothers day will be wonderful for you. keep the faith even though it can be hard.

livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 947

Mollydog,

I'm sorry that you are hurting.

I can give you my own perceptive from my own childhood. I really do believe that children (especially in their teens) "chose" the N parent for a couple of different reasons. First off, they know their non-N parent loves them unconditionally. The N makes it clear to them through psychological abuse that they must "chose" the N. Of course, they don't need to chose, they can love both parents, but the N makes them feel like they must chose. I also think kids feel rejected on some level by the N because deep down, they can sense that the N's love is not unconditional.

Tired of the pain is right. This is temporary. If you can get your kids into therapy, it should help them a lot. Then maybe they will not be afraid to display their love to you.

Stand4Change · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 67

Ask the court to get the kids into therapy, preferably family therapy so you can be involved. Meet with the therapist before each session privately (give the N his own private time so he won't be suspicious). Then meet jointly after the therapist meets with the children. That way the therapist is documenting everything.

Contact the highest ranking custody evaluators (only talk to Ph.D.s) and find out who is the best, immune to b.s. and can handle dealing with a narcissist. Let them know this is for your children's best interest.

Make sure it is court-ordered otherwise your kids probably will refuse to go (because they are older).

If anyone refuses to go, take them to court and ask the judge to enforce the order.

Send your kids cards or call and let them know you love them. Don't try to win them back. They are still in there somewhere and they will come around when they are ready. Just be consistent and show them by your example good moral values and healthy boundaries.

I'm not sure about the atty advice to move out. I know a friendofafriend who was told to move out, and she lost custody (because she took the children into a different neighborhood and school). BE CAREFUL and be safe. (these are my thoughts, maybe I'm right at least once here, time will tell)

Love your children. They are innocent pawns being used to hurt you.