Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

PL, I've been thinking of you, I've been "gone", too. Sounds like we're in the same place, therapy-wise, the depression has forced me to look inward, to the inner child, I've found that I can't do it alone, the workbooks, prayer, affirmations aren't enough, I need professional help. I hope you are doing better, I've found deep inside, we "know" what to do, but have learned to distrust our instincts, among other things like low self-esteem, etc.. a recipe which causes us to doubt our needs. PL- you took the first step, one of many, a hard one, now you can sit back and watch and of course take care of yourself. Hugs, hugs, hugs....wlw

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

"Sometimes it is hard for me to stay in hear and now because past and future filled fear and worry takes over most of the time. This is why I am on my path to healing and one day I know it will be all here and now.
You have a very valid and great point but I believe things happen in God's time."

Being in the here & now is hard for everyone but the more you practice it the more space you create around your ego. Once you tap into the depth dimension, then you are beginning to live. Most thoughts are stale learned repetitions, for example: "I'm f'n useless" or "I can't do it"; or projections into the future or visitations to the past.

If you are in the here & now these looped untruths and past and future anxieties are being transcended and you are beginning to unearth your true potential, your natural state. So this simple act of recognizing your ego, of observing the mind, is perhaps the most productive activity one can undertake.

You are correct too in that healing is a process of accumulation. As the Buddha said: "drip by drip, even a large pot will eventually be filled." So key is accumulating the drips, not whether this day, week, month, year happens to not be one of my better ones. The job is reining in the unruly mind (while surviving).

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

hi wlw ... I have been thinking about you too! I so agree with you, I needed a professional help and I knew it. For me, it's not one or the other that worked, but every thing together, the books, support group, the therapy. Taking care of the inner child is what I am learning at this point that needs to be well taken care of. I also have found this new website you might want to check out. http://www.innerbonding.com/show-page/87/6-steps.html
It is so helpful in my opinion. I thought I would share because in our recovery there comes a point when we move from anger to more peacful state of healing. Dealing with NPD family is hard and there is no end to it, but most importantly we can recover what has not been taken care of, us, the inner child who deserved nothing less than being a child. I say this because I do not remember being a child.
You talk about distrusting our instincts in your post. I am learing to take very small steps in knowing what I want. You know something, most of the time I know exactly what I want now. For a while, my mothers words were in my head even though when she was not present. I started doing every thing as I thought she would direct me to do. This is what my dear I call an abuse, when the messages of distrust and doubt of self is still in the person's head.
I did take the first step. I never done this before. It feels so weird and I feel scared sometimes, but this is what needs to be done. I really have no other choice.
Thank you wlw for stopping by and leaving me a message. It's so good to see you post for me. Looks like you are doing well. I am so happy. I know you'll be okay, you are a smart one.
supper hug ((((((hug)))))))
PL:)
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

thayilflies, thank you guy, nicely said.
hug,
PL

zanderman1 · Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 397

Hi PL! I like whqt Baby_Kay wrote about the "emptiness." It sparked some thoughts. I've experienced that empty, lonely feeling also. It is ultimately a good thing, I think, even if it is uncomfortable at first.
Analogy time: you have gotten rid of a bunch of useless, ugly "furniture" in your house that you never needed or wanted in the first place, that you would never have chosen for yourself, but someone else dumped on you. It's been in your way, and now you have freed up a lot of new space in your house, to move freely about, or perhaps fill with new, useful, beautiful furnishings of your own choice. But until you get used to the empty space, the house feels bare and empty.
In order for new, positive, healing energies to come into your life, you have to make room for them by taking the old worn-out useless stuff to the dump. The emptiness is a temporary sensation that you will eventually get comfortable with or fill with new good things, I think.

You are making really healthy decisions, young lady, one step at a time. You inspire me. Very Happy

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Hi Zanderman1,
I liked your analogy time. Getting used to the empty space I feel is my only option. And looks like I am going to like more every day. Smile

Thank you for the kind words. I am so glad I inspire.
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

PL, I'm struggling right now, guess I'm getting good at hiding it, battling the depression again, felt abandoned by my therapist who had someone else call me 30 minutes before my appt. that she was ill, not the first time, she knew how much I needed to talk out a plan about the whole intensive therapy thing, had a really draining session before, the old family stuff (even without contact, they still affect me, as you had mentioned before). So, I called the psych. who changed my medicine (I know many of you don't support it) and slowly, I'm feeling like myself again, plus she has set me up with a new therapist and promises to check in with her to see how things are going, it's an alternative to the intensive stuff. Anyway, it seems neverending, there won't be an end, just a better way of handling it, right? You guys mentioned the empty feeling, I remember doing the mediation work, it seemed as though things got worse, I read somewhere that it's common, as though you have to go through that process to move the "furniture around" to see what still works and what doesn't, which causes pain and painful memories to resurface, then as you mentioned, you have room for the new/better stuff.
Thank you for listening and PL- starting such a great thread, it was so good chatting with you all again, I really needed to hear from you all!!!!

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

PL, I'm struggling right now, guess I'm getting good at hiding it, battling the depression again, felt abandoned by my therapist who had someone else call me 30 minutes before my appt. that she was ill, not the first time, she knew how much I needed to talk out a plan about the whole intensive therapy thing, had a really draining session before, the old family stuff (even without contact, they still affect me, as you had mentioned before). So, I called the psych. who changed my medicine (I know many of you don't support it) and slowly, I'm feeling like myself again, plus she has set me up with a new therapist and promises to check in with her to see how things are going, it's an alternative to the intensive stuff. Anyway, it seems neverending, there won't be an end, just a better way of handling it, right? You guys mentioned the empty feeling, I remember doing the mediation work, it seemed as though things got worse, I read somewhere that it's common, as though you have to go through that process to move the "furniture around" to see what still works and what doesn't, which causes pain and painful memories to resurface, then as you mentioned, you have room for the new/better stuff.
Thank you for listening and PL- starting such a great thread, it was so good chatting with you all again, I really needed to hear from you all!!!!

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

wlw, it's so good to chat with you again too! I am sorry for how your therapist treated you. But just remember, things in the end work out for the best. wlw, you are such a smart woman and you will get out of this on the other side with new you. Smile