Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

buttongirl · Joined: 06 May 2008 Posts: 8

Funny how life reveals things sometimes...

I have a D9 and S6 with an ex I think is sorta Borderline. After we split up 4 years ago I had a relationship with a guy for 1 year. We broke up because he wanted me to have a baby with him, and the fact that I didn't think our relationship was strong enough for that (yet) got him to conclude that he didn't love me. What a bizarre man. I knew he had a huge, massive ego, and equally enormous insecurities. But wow that was some mind game.

Well, when I met my current boyfriend (been together 2.5 years now) and his family, some pieces just clicked. His step-father (married to his mom 5 years ago) is far older, but exactly like that ex boyfriend of mine. They even have the same birthday. The more I observe and interact with NSFIL, the more I understand how lucky I was to recognize that I was in a bad relationship and get out. But I'm stuck with this man as a FIL!! After some recent incidents with the FIL and MIL I started researching narcissism for the first time. What an eye-opener! Obviously I can't diagnose anything. But I can certainly assess that he shows almost all of the criteria listed. Thankfully I don't have to have that much contact with him. I think he largely stays away from me, or at least gives me a wide berth. He doesn't need me for his supply, and I'm something of a threat because I don't play the game. My MIL, however, is really paying the price. My bf and I have tried talking to her about it, but she is convinced he loves her and that's enough, and that any bad that happens is really her fault. Meanwhile I have witnessed this man's craziness -- the way he treats her, talks about himself ad nauseum, is indifferent to anyone's needs or discomfort, and competes with anything or anyone getting attention.

I am so glad I followed my gut instinct and broke off with the ex when I did. Within 3 months of breaking up he had found another girlfriend much younger and she was pregnant. They got married a year later. I often wonder how happy she is and feel badly for that little boy. I know that it really didn't matter who the woman was, all he was after was someone who would give him a son (endless nsupply) but of course that will end some day, too. And to think, he is a teacher!

Glad to have found this forum!

baby_kay · Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 135

Button girl,
WOW, what a intuitive person you are. Give yourself a "high five" for the breakup. As for your NSFIL,.....sticky situation. He gets his N supply from the mother. And whats so sad, is they think they should take the crap the N dish out. My NM married my step dad, and I stuck around in that relationship for a long time, because I felt the need to "PROTECT" him from her. A grown man, and I needed to protect him, I tried reasoning with him, NOTHING. Then 25 years later she divorces his ass and takes all his money. I don[t know, this is a hard one. Maybe you could share some of your insight, and research with her????Or, your boyfriend could, but watch yourself. It has a way of biting off your ass, just to enlighten someone.
Best of luck, and post the result, or whatever
Kim

buttongirl · Joined: 06 May 2008 Posts: 8

Trouble is even though I was only with that guy for a year, I'm still obsessing over it. In an angry sort of way. I'm having difficulty not demonizing him in my head. I'd like to just accept that he's likely ill. If he has NPD, then it's not exactly as conscious a maliciousness as some other kinds of harmful behaviour. I think about his new wife and child, and I know that he's living in a house with her parents, and I wonder are they all blind? Was it just me? Perhaps it's just that he and I weren't compatible? ... not that I would want to be with him. I don't. I have a wonderful lovely fantastic man in my life, and am building a future with him. I never thought a relationship could be this supportive.

But it's still there, like a scab I'm itching to pick off. I want to know. I hope he has a horrible life. I feel truly horrible for the girl and her kid.

And like I said, I wonder if it was just me.

I think I will post more about it in the My Story section, since it doesn't really belong here in relatives.

But as for the SFIL... I also wonder how much my MIL feels like this is her lot in life and that's all she's good for. It's sad, really, seeing someone so strong and educated bend over to pick up the cranky old fart's slippers like he were 2 years old or something. He throws tantrums that would shame my 5 year old. And the delusions of grandeur are unbelievable. He makes websites of his "artwork" and there's a website devoted to how he was shortchanged and swindled out of his fair share of the $ by a tv station... Stuff that happened easily over 30 years ago, and he still talks about it non-stop. He thinks he'll get rich off the retroactive royalty payments if only he had the proof that those scripts were his... Rolling Eyes

All he talks about is himself, or failing that how GREAT his "friends" are (and by association because he know such impressive people, how great he is.)

I've watched him glare at a 18 month old who was commanding everyone's attention. He called my 4 year old a selfish ungrateful bastard.
To my face. I just cried and vowed never to leave my children alone with him again.

But there's nothing to do. He's 70. My MIL has convinced him to see a psychiatrist (she thinks he's depressed and needs meds) and he's agreed in that oh, I'm so old, way. Whatever gets attention. But of course he's depressed! He's got 70 years of failure, and nothing but his new wife and a ton of resentment at anyone who has ever entered his life and left. Ex wives (3) are all B%$#%&es with a capital B. Even my bf's ex girlfriend has been demonized by him. She was horrible. I'm a saint. We'll see how long that lasts. Considering he's now giving me a wide berth, I'm guessing I'm no longer a saint, but he can't very well get nasty because he'd risk turning his wife and my bf against him.

My bf and his mom are from a foreign country with a different language that he can't understand. He gets extraordinarily cranky and upset if they speak their language in front of him. Disrespectful. They MUST be talking about him. How dare they. It's laughable, really, because he's been with her for 5 years, and by now he should have picked up enough of it to know vaguely what is being discussed. I've been with my bf for 2 years, and I can already somewhat follow the gist of discussions, plus I have a bit of vocabulary and grammar basics. ...

Anyway, I will have to tolerate him yet again this weekend. Rolling Eyes

but it will give me a chance to see how things are going for the MIL.