Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

ProfZim · Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 3

I'll try to tell my story in as brief a manner as possible. But like many here, I hope it'll help others identify this type of abusive personality and behavior so they don't have to experience what I did. Also, I really haven't told anyone about this despite my leaving that job 8 months ago. It still haunts me, and little reminders makes me feel the shame, embarrassment, trauma of the months of abuse I received at the hands of my psychopathic co-worker.

I'm male, Asian, and relatively young. I have an advanced degree. I'm very non-confrontational and I've always sought the approval of others. I made a slight career change in '06, going from legal aid work to a governmental office. I wanted to get more exposure to policy work, so I took this job.

My psychopathic co-worker, I'll call her Barb, has been working there for several years. She was in her mid-50's and always talked about her degrees and the places she's worked at. I've been thinking recently she probably made all that stuff up to get ahead. She is considered an expert in the areas of healthcare policy for the office. at least that's the image she portrays. She works very hard at keeping up her image as an expert. She tries to show off her knowledge whenever possible. She tried to show that she has the high moral ground by telling me how good a person she was and the good work she was doing. And she seemed to always state how busy she was yet she worked by her own rules. In the office late, disappearing for several hours for lunch. I doubt she went to a lot of the events she claimed she went to, as this was part of her deception too.

Unfortunately for me, she was in some ways my superior, although I would not call her supervisor. We had some projects that overlapped. So I had to work with her somewhat regularly and we were in the same part of the office. I couldn't escape her and her psychopathic ways.

At first, I did not realize she was going after me and trying to keep me in a subordinate role. She would compliment me, but I would always sense something was wrong with her, that she was being disingenuous perhaps. I recently read about the "Mask of Insanity" and this was exactly how she was. She treated me very nicely at first, helping me along, giving me advice about the job. But only later did I realize it was to gain my trust and friendship so she could manipulate me.

I began to notice little things at first, but didn't really allow it to register, wanting to believe the best in people. She would compliment me, but it sometimes seemed like backhanded compliments. It wasn't until I refused to do work that she did exclusively that I became public enemy number 1 to her. She never confronted me about it, but her attitude began to change towards me.

She began to "gaslight" me and would make suggestions that would make me begin to question reality. I don't want to go into everything, but now I see everything she said and did towards me was part of her campaign to discredit, confuse, and ultimately assault me mentally and psychologically. I found that she would wait until we were alone to try to get me listening to her again while simultaneously messing with my head. I remember one time a community member made a racial remark to me in her presence and she said afterwards, "I didn't see that at all. You know these people, they're just angry."

I began to not enjoy the work anymore, and I found going in to work increasingly difficult. I began to walk on eggshells around her, scared to upset her and upset at myself for caring how she felt. Again, I am your classic "pleaser" and that played right into her hands.

I stuck around still, and then she decided to up the ante and blew up on me when we were in the office alone. I did nothing to upset her, she was merely looking for the opportunity to scream at me. It was not pretty. She criticized me for things I did not do and for personality traits I do not possess. I said nothing in my defense, I was defenseless at the time. I just sat there and took it. Of course, as she intended, I would blame and question myself afterwards.

I mentioned it to my supervisor and he did nothing to resolve it. It was too late, Barb had gotten to him before I did and said horrible things about me. And of course, by putting up the facade of being an all-important part of the office over years, Barb was untouchable. My boss had been manipulated through the years. She was all-in so to speak on Barb, and she wouldn't let her go, even if a more junior person such as myself (who was liked by almost everyone else in the office and the community) had to be a casualty. I have a feeling my boss knows but it makes her job easier to keep Barb around. What she should know is how destructive this person is, a cancer really. And all the good things about Barb? I'm sure, as with psychopaths I've read about, that many of it is image management and manufactured.

I became depressed and anxious, I was a mess from the abuse I received at the hands of Barb. I brought up what I believed happened but the action I was hoping for from management was not forthcoming. I was now someone who told on her, and I would continue to be a target. I still believed that it was my fault, why would anyone yell at me if I wasn't to blame?

Thankfully, I ended up leaving shortly after. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to for my sanity. I considered filing a complaint but thought better of it, in case I needed a reference in the future. I didn't feel comfortable burning that bridge.

I've since educated myself on psychopaths. And I'm going to go into Counseling so I can teach and counsel others in their personal lives, academics and careers. I learned so much from this experience, I hope someone will read this who may be in this type of situation and find a way out. At least stand up for themselves and refuse to take part and not be talked down to that way. Thanks for letting me share.