Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Taz826 · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 5

To make a long story short, 14 years ago my father passed away, soon after one of my dad's co-workers showed up with his girlfriend. My mother still tried to have fun by going to dance with her friends at a bar this same guy went to. I have a feeling he was after my mother for a long time and did anything to be near her, kinda like a stalker. After my father passed away, it was his moment. He so-called dropped his current GF to be with my mom. Now I heard horrible stories about him from my grandfather and others who worked with him also at his job. Heck even his own kids dislike him for the same reasons, he never really raised them either. Ever since my mother was with him, eventhough with us (my brother,sister,and I) we never appreciated him around, he seemed odd to us. Now it's 14 years later and he's put my mother a 100K in debt on her mortgage,trashed the truck(true it's been in a few wrecks,but it did get fixed...couldn't tell it now), we have a crap car in the driveway he never gets to fixing(it's been 2 years), he never helps around the house, my mother has to work overtime to manage bills cause either he doesn't pay or he supporting his vodka abuse. I recently came back with my new family out of the Navy, my mother thought it was a great idea. We came down here and lived here a few months till one night I was through with letting things slide. I awoke her husband(my stepfather) out of his drunken slumber( he wasn't really asleep)to ask him questions, soon as I started to ask questions, he refrained from answering, prolly cause I knew the truth. He wouldn't admit, then he got violent while trying to run... I was in the way, so he shoved me many times. I shoved him once, he fell(cause he was drunk). While I was asking him questions when he was sitting, he got defensive and started punching me..3 to be exact.. I did nothing. Then he choked me with his left hand, at that point since I couldn't breathe I gave him a blow to his left eye and gashed it. My mother was ok with this at first, blowing it off as an"incident" or whatever, now somehow after talking to him, he's the victim and I'm the one who did everything. He even changed the whole story saying I hit him 3 times first in the face eventhough my lil brother was there and witnessed the whole thing also. She now believes him over both my brother and I. Even after, get this, he's had a history of violence against this family I didn't know at the time. He choked my lil sister, when she called the cops, the cops came, but my mother hid her away so she couldn't talk to the cops and told the cops everything was fine. He has also according to my sister put his hands around my mothers neck... What do I do???

Taz826 · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 5

He's also a well known cheater( heck one time he admitted to me while he was drunk that he had 5 mistresses while with his first wife) with women, recently he ran into a problem at home here when he invited an unknown woman to the house and invited her to my mothers room. What really troubles me is why he did this when he knew my lil brother and lil sister(at this point they are 21 and 19) was in the house. They called me and told while I was stationed in WA. I told them to call my mother. My sister told me that he locked the door to the bedroom, my mother after coming home from work early had to kick the door and break it. When they looked inside he had the girl hidden and there was a "wet spot" on the bed. He says it was innocent, but I'm not that dumb. This guy has some nerve

Taz826 · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 5

Now after the fight I had with him, I'm the perpetrator, he's the victim (which is a lie) and it now comes to kicking my wife,her grandchildren, and myself out of the house while I'm waiting to get a job from the Air National Guard. She screamed at my wife and I defending this guy. He is obviously fighting dirty and don't know how to combat it. He's got my mother at his disposal.

Taz826 · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 5

Anyone have an opinion on what I'm dealing with, I mean he can turn my mother against us at any time. He has total control on what happens eventhough he himself hardly ever talks to my mothers kids (us). My mother has changed drastically, she used to believe us, now if it pertains to anything about him we are wrong eventhough we have the facts.

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 486

Sometimes all you can do is try and not participate in the madness, disengage from it. Swallow your pride. You can't fight fire with fire as they say.

limited · Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 47

You are really in a tough situation; I think your mother is unable to think clearly because she is so emotionally dependent on this man. You have to distance yourself both as a protection to your family (wife, kid and siblings) and because now you are all young adults. So even though it might have been helpful to have a house to stay in until you get to your next job, it makes harder to get through to your mother when you are depending on them for survival. I think that you should keep the channel of communication open, but at the end she has also to come to her senses. Keep trying to help her see this man for whom he is, but stay away from him: it is up to your mother, as an adult, to confront him or leave him. He’s bad news. Protect your siblings, as they are still young and potenrially vulnerable. Good luck!

Taz826 · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 5

Thanks for the advice, I'm trying to kinda patch things with my mother over the phone, I'm kinda swallowing my pride apologizing for the arguements and me hitting her husband, but I did tell her that it would be nice to get an apology from him seeing he started the whole physical altercation. She's deciding to get a smaller house and let us live here in the larger one. Mainly because this 5bdrm/3 bath house is too much for her and her husband. Guess she's gonna rent it to us. I'll try to keep you upadated.

baby_kay · Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 168

Taz,
I am so sorry to hear of this drama, and physical and emotional abuse, this man is doing to your family. Your mother is tangled up with a snake. She needs to be dealt with as a victim herself. Empathy, on the phone, so she has someone to turn to, and you know whats what with her. If you detach completely, she may end up in a worse situation with him. I think you should have her hide money, and such just in case she has to leave, and you should document all incidents, keep record, journal of all altercations, instead of using physical violence to defend your family, which everyone would totally understand in your circumstances. I would knock his block off too if he laid anything on someone I loved. But.,.....thats the N's its all about the intimidation, and the right, and the victim role. Let you mom know that if he was an honorable man, he would cherish her, and her children, not hurt her or them. He is the one out of line. Your family has to have boundaries. like parents have with children, you need to have them with your mom, and her bastard husband. I hate people like that, and they should cease to exist. But they do, and they pray on people who are good and loving, like your mom. You can help her, if she needs you, but you must never engage with him again. N's are real good at flipping, stuff around so they can be the victim. My mom is a expert flipper, she sets it all up so perfect, so we always have egg on our face, not her. Poor her. Your mom should not be taking care of an abusive drunk, cheater, who does not value her or anyone else. Thats abuse, and if you or your siblings were living with such a person, she would never sleep. My mom abused me, sister, and stepfather, I stayed in relationship to protect him from her. He ended up having a stroke, after 4 heartattacks, and she still beat on him, and in the end, had him removed from the house, (she said he physically abused her??????) ruined his professional reputation, and stole all his money. I feel for him, but in the same instance, he knew what she was all about after 25 years, and he stayed, because after a while, he became N like her. He actually became mean, and he was the most laid back nice person you ever met. So.....it does change someone. Unfortunatly he turned against me, and my family, so the NC went into affect 7 years ago. They divorced last year, and I see or hear form neither. My mom tried to contact me, with the poor me, I'm all alone shit, but you get what you give, and crazy is crazy. I hope you can find some peace in your heart, and such.
All my support in this shitty situation.