Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

mel · Joined: 23 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

My daughter will be 27 in a fortnight and I cannot get her to leave home. I am not far off suicidal, don't sleep without sleeping tablets and dread waking each morning. I have had to give up a well paid job and now only receive a small pension and a small wage from a part time job. Her dad is in a similar position having also taken redundancy from a well paid job. My daughter is thousands of pounds in debt but refuses to even talk to the loan companies so we get constantly harrassed. We have taken her to the doctors a number of times but getting to see a psychiatrist is almost impossible. She drains us of everything and we get constant verbal abuse. She has not mentally matured since 14 and has done the running away from home bit, stealing from us, taking overdoses of paracetamol then being taken to hospital, binge drinking taking drugs, being promiscuous, inviting low lifes into our house and generally making our lives and those of her brothers absolute hell. We have tried to throw her out on numerous occasions but the alternative is for her to live on the streets as she has no money and so can't get a flat. All I can see for the future is us dying in poverty as she has no conscience and will not even discuss the evil things she has done, 'they are all in the past now'. Her two brothers are an absolute delight, one is due to take his finals in an English degree and expected to get a first whilst the other is studying to be a civil engineer. Unfortunately they stay away from home as often as possible to avoid her. She has two convictions for drunken driving and I recently reported her to the police for dealing drugs. They said that they couldn't convict her because all the evidence was circumstantial. My husband and I have been married 32 years but this has nearly split us up. Can anyone help me please, I am desperate.

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

Some tough love is needed - I know how hard this is but what you

are doing isnt helping her . She is causing problems and acting like

a child - she is not a child and its time to grow up . You as a parent

have the right to your own home and some peace . Her siblings are

watching -

You arent being cruel by doing this - you are just stopping

enabling her .

No doubt she will react badly but dont let that soften your

resolve .

You will be doing this because you do love her
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

mel · Joined: 23 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I know we need to get her to leave for all our benefits but I still don't know how to do it. Do I lock the doors when she is out and not let her back in? That would mean she had no way of continuing in work and she would be out on the streets. I don't want to cause her to commit suicide as we would never have any peace then. I would love the medical facilities in this country to assess her properly but seeing a psychiatric nurse for twenty minutes, which is all we have ever been offered, is absolutely useless. If the same person lived with her for a week they would be tearing their hair out. She can appear quite normal, intelligent and charming to anyone who doesn't spend much time with her but as soon as anyone gets close, they are systematically destroyed. It appears there is nowhere for the mentally ill in this country other than with their families or out on the street. If she had some of my sense of responsibility there would not be a problem. Going to take a tablet now and try and shut off for a few hours.

baby_kay · Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 197

Mel,
Give a time line in which she has to be out of your house. Whether it is 30 days, 2 weeks. You have put her on notice then, at the point in which the time frame is up, then you move her things out, and change locks. She needs boundaries, and you need peace. I tough loved my son, it was the hardest, most gut wrenching experience, but I have no regrets. It was exactly what he needed to grow up. You are people first, before you are parents, and you have taught this young woman, that she has the power to decide how and what kind of lives you live. You need to put your marriage first, and your sanity first also. DO NOT MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN THEY MAKE YOU AN OPTION. Your love for her, is not doing her good, and it is causing resentment and caos. That is not love, that is pity. Poor her, well, she needs to take responsibility for herself, and since she is not choosing to grow up, you need to put the foot down and make a plan, and go through with it. Have a support system, of friends, and you and your husband, re-negotiate your relationship first. Then tackle her. You teach people how to treat you, and this is wrong. You can do it, I did it. I am not going to say for a moment, that it was not hell, but it was necessary. I could then get up each day, and plan my life, without the constant drama from my son. My son, has found his way back to me, it was 6 months of hell, I prayed constantly. I stayed focused, and when he finally reached out, I went real slow and steady, staying on my boundaries, of what I would not do, or participate in. I pray and wish you the best possible. Remember the best possible, is not complete satisfaction, its just one step at a time, one day at a time. You have to do this.
All my support and prayers.

xblackwidowx · Joined: 13 Sep 2008 Posts: 43 Location: uk