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Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group
An Online Support Community For Abuse Survivors
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zanderman1
Joined: 01 Aug 2007
Posts: 391
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 Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:18 am Post subject: |
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limited, I can relate to having that part of my mind that questions, what if their version of reality IS the right one and I'M the one who's deluding myself? I still get that one a lot, despite full truckloads of validation from relatives who know both of us, friends of mine, even friends and ex-friends of hers, and some old family letters I got my hands on, that were written before I was born.
We have been conditioned to automatically assume if something's wrong, it's US.
I think my own NM has a combination of NPD and OCPD, an unlikely and contradictory combination, I realize. Of course, she would never go to a shrink, b/c there's nothing at all wrong with HER, and if she did it wouldn't do any good b/c she wouldn't be honest. But I think louxloux has a good point saying that it's not really the diagnosis that's the main point, it's how destructive to you are they, and what do you need to do about it?
I'm pretty ignorant about celebrity news (no tv in my life), but my favorite celeb N is Zsa Zsa Gabor for saying, "Why, don't you know? All gay men hate Zsa Zsa Gabor because she married all the men they wish they could have."
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thayilflies
Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Posts: 488
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| Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: |
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| louxloux wrote: | Hi Thay,
I actually agree with you. I think it is possible to diagnose on your own - my Mom in particular, I have delineated as NOT having full blown NPD, but rather a high degree of traits - mostly b/c she does, from time to time, help other people out anonymously - with no expectation or desire for credit.
However, having self diagnosis or a professional diagnosis doesn't change the current state of things or how THEY relate to others - which was my point. The focus is still on them and not on 'how do I help repair me so that I can live a happy, healthy/less anxious, productive life AND have/maintain healthy relationships with others'.
Perhaps it may be helpful to some - but for me, having an official or unofficial diagnosis wouldn't really accomplish much, if anything. It doesn't so much matter whether they are truly NPD or just have high traits of N'sm - because either/or is so damaging and toxic.
To begin healing, we must implement boundaries, take care of ourselves and work on the breaking down the collective damaging effects of their abuse. It is a process - one that doesn't so much focus on them, their needs/wants, their diagnosis, etc... but rather focuses on our needs/wants, and what we need to do to repair and/or minimize the effects so that they don't spill over into other relationships... or even lay groundwork for selecting unhealthy mates (breaking the pattern of abuse).
Sorry for the confusion.
loux |
Aloha Loux. I agree: toxicity is toxicity no matter what the source. Too often we get bogged down by the quagmire of definition. Whether someone is technically an N matters not much compared with finding practical solutions to improving our lives and purging ourselves of toxic energies. It is an excellent point you make.
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